Our Diaries

“It’s…” He sighed, closing the distance between them and bringing her hand down from his face, threading his fingers through hers instead. “Can you do it with a man like me, Nika…I’m gonna be old by the time our kids grow up if we have them, can you handle that? It’s not all black and white and simple. I just need you to know that it won’t be all smooth sailing and it won’t be what it could be with someone else. I’m just warning you.” Ever the realist, Anthony had to know the woman before him wasn’t giving up something better in the future for something that was possibly fleeting for her.

               As she felt his fingers around hers, Nika’s gaze had fallen onto it, knowing how right he was; there was a pretty big age difference between them, the one that wasn’t supposed to mean anything, but they caught feelings for each other and everything had changed. “I know that and I know that I could have kids with someone else, someone closer to my age,” which would probably be a smarter choice, “but Tony, I can do that with a man I don’t love and don’t care about, or I could do that with you, the man I love and want to be with.” Her green hues found his eyes. “It’s my choice and I’d rather have ten or twenty years with you,” perhaps more, because he had to make it to at least eighty, ”than a lifetime with a man that isn’t you.” 

As she speaks he realizes the truth in her words. That was all he ever did was push the people he cared about away. First it was his mother and then his sister, and now Nika. To save them from himself he deprived himself of what he truly needed, companionship and trust. Love. Even to think the word was foreign to him now. But perhaps it would take someone used to the heat to stand with him in the fire. He took her hand in his and placed his other on top of hers. “You know who I am Nika. You know what I am and what I do. And if that doesn’t scare you enough to leave, then I don’t know if anything could.” He stared deeply into her eyes and for once, let her see into his, to the very heart of him if he even had one left. “I swear to you, I will not push you away. Never again.” 

                 The only thing that scared her was that he would take away their chance of being something else, truth be told. But other than that, she wasn’t scared of anything when it came to him, which was perhaps rather bold, but also perhaps quite idiotic? “Never again,” the blonde repeated his words loud enough for both of them to hear them as she locked her eyes with his, noticing how serious he was, more than determined to give her what she wanted; himself. It was a different Rafael in front of her, it was a man who she had just caught glimpses of before when he would take off his shield for a moment or two, but now he was here. “So, Mr. Navarro,” Nika smiled as she stepped closer to him, “I believe this is the moment you get me all for yourself.” Or in other words, everything was forgiven. It was a time for the new beginning, for both of them.  

Anthony tilted his head quite naturally into her palm as he watched her with weary eyes. “You’re lying.” He managed with a small chuckle as he brought his free hand up to rest on her wrist at his face. “You just worked your way in quite unexpectedly, sweetheart.” He turned to press a kiss on her the pad of her hand though his brows then furrowed as her voice turned nervous.

With pursed lips, he hummed. He had figured out so much having seen her eyes light up at the photos he had of holding Sofia in his arms when she was just a baby. “It’s…I think you just need to bear in mind I’m not a young man anymore and I’ve done this already. I know it’s what you want but just keep that in mind it’s…yeah…” He trailed off, not knowing the words to say to her. He hadn’t expected something quite so serious to come his way again and now it had there was just so much to consider.

                “All I want to know is that something you want or not, Anthony, because yes, I know you’ve done that already and precisely because of that I am asking you if you can and want to do that again?” Nika could not see herself not having a kid of her own, not having a family, and throughout all of her plans one thing was constant - family. She didn’t know why she had such a strong feelings about it, but perhaps she wanted more out of life? Not to spend all of her life chasing powerful men, all of her life spent as a woman who mostly loved only herself? True, Anthony had changed that, but wouldn’t it be boring to not experience having a child? Raising them, growing up with them, loving them more than anyone and anything else? And she could imagine that for him, having gone through all of that, the answer would be no, but Nika simply had to know.

Eyebrows rose on their own accord at her final statement. For not the first time he felt speechless in the matter of a few moments. It almost seemed normal that she’d have someone to fetch her things for her. Liam hadn’t expected less after noticing just how ritzy her dress was. Not that he was complaining. It didn’t leave a lot to the imagination, but hey. If he got knocked on his ass tonight then hopefully he’d have some rather good blackout dreams. If she got cold, though, it was suddenly his problem. Liam had on a hoodie that he was sure was bigger than the dress she had on, but nothing to spare in the chance it were to snow or something. It was unlikely, it being March, but there was still a chill in the air most nights.

Liam leaned back against the stool and crossed his one ankle over the other. He wasn’t sure how long it would take the woman called Camille to fetch her things so he may as well be comfortable. He’d already spent too much of his life having to be uncomfortable. Not that he regretted a moment of it. Looking back at his new companion from the evening, he didn’t allow his thoughts to linger too long on the past. If he focused on her then he had a rather easy time not thinking about anything else. She was rather distracting in that way. Which he sort of found appealing. Her mere presence was a distraction from the daunting thoughts he usually had. That was new and he wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to say goodnight. “We have time,” he said, nodding his head slowly. “Though, I suppose that depends on how far your, uh, friend has to travel.” There’s a slight smirk to his face as he speaks. He doesn’t know where the flirtation is coming from. It’s not like he went home to someone every night. Though, he has considered getting a pet of some kind. “If you’re up for it, after my thing, I know a place that makes pretty good eggs. Toast. Bacon. The works. If you want.” The fights ended just before three in the morning. She seemed like the type not to shy away from an all night rendezvous though.

                 When Camille returned back carrying both the coat of Nika’s choice and her Chanel’s 2.55 bag, the brunette in her early twenties helped her boss to put a coat on and handed her over the bag as Nika softly smiled and thanked the girl. Following Camille’s departure, yet not missing out on Liam’s reply before Camille fetched her stuff, Nika shrugged. “Just because she works for me, doesn’t mean she’s not my friend, darling.” Perhaps it came out harsh, but it was not meant to be; everyone who worked for Nika at the Oak 21 was more than her friend; they were all a family, a very loyal one. It was necessary considering that nothing could leave the club and no client of theirs could be betrayed, under no circumstances. After all, they could all pay with their lives any level of betrayal, including Nika.

Ryan noticed as her eyes basically undressed him themselves. He loved that look, it seemed unique to him, of course she’d looked at others with lust before, but undoubtedly the one she gave him was next to none. Raw. “I might be able to keep to that rule in the Summer– if you’re lucky,” he grinned as his hands ran up her sides slowly. As Nika stumbled over her words, Ryan found himself picturing what could be in years to come. What should have been years before. “My only objection to all of that is we’d defintely need two dogs, that way neither would ever be lonely,” he smiled as his hand trapsed through her golden locks. Slowly, then all at once, they kissed, everything felt so right in this moment. In every moment with her. Of course, both of them knew how stupid it was to assume they were now clear for plain sailing. Neither had ever had plain sailing in their lives, and Nika was still involved with the gang and Ry– he still had his enemies out there and he still had his vices. But for now at least, they were in calmer waters. “I love you, Nika Wolf. No matter what.”.

          He was unbelievable, wasn’t he? What a romantic soul Ryan was and he had managed to fool everyone around him, even her back in the days. It was easy, it was simple, it was meant to be just sex, yet the two of them had woken up romantics within them, falling for each other so quickly and unexpectedly. It was as if life itself wanted to teach them a lesson. “Okay, we’ll have two dogs, but you are, honey, the one who’ll be waking up in the morning to take them for a walk.” Just a couple of weeks ago, perhaps months, she was accusing him of wanting that perfect life - the big house with a white fence, toddlers running around, and now it was their dream. It was something that was actually possible, not just a hidden wish. “Oh, you do?” She asked back, a playful smile lingering before she kissed him once more, giving him back her answer to his saying. If anyone have ever told her that she could be so smitten, she wouldn’t have not believed them, but here she was, utterly hopeless. “And will you love me when I get impossibly fat and annoying when I get pregnant, Laurie? Oh, God,” what was meant to be a simple teasing now had turned into a real horror as it dawned on her, “if I get really fat, I’ll kill you, Ryan, because that will be so your fault.” 

When she repeated his offer to him, Liam winced. He hadn’t meant for it to sound so…creepy. It sounded like he was offering to kidnap her let alone take her to an underground event. He’s about to apologize for his wording when she agrees to it. This woman, who didn’t know him from any other man in this bar, was willing to leave with him without knowing where they were going. If Liam had had a fifty on him, he’d bet every last dime of it that his face probably looked pretty dumbfounded in that exact moment. Blinking back his surprise, he watched her get off the stool and reveal just how much she wasn’t wearing. No, he figured to her question, she probably didn’t need to change.

It’d been since before he joined the military that something - or someone - left him with the inability to form words. In fact he wasn’t even sure if he remembered anything at all he had said. The gold dress was a distraction he didn’t know would be waiting for him. The gold dress… Right. She had asked if her outfit would be suitable. “I mean, it’s night, I don’t know what, you can wear,” Liam mumbled, sure he was sweating now. Taking a deep breath, he stood up from his own stool to reveal his height. He wasn’t ridiculously tall - that he knew - but he had a good head over most people. “What I mean is,” he said, trying to begin again. “You can wear whatever you want. It’ll be a bit chilly, though. I don’t think winter is ever ending this year.” He immediately kicked himself for the extremely lame thing he just said. The woman could wear what she pleased, but based on the watch on his left wrist she’d have to make her mind up quickly. He had to be at the location before midnight and it was nearing eleven. Liam hadn’t really thought anything through, but he was eager to get into the ring more than ever tonight. He’d never had someone there to cheer him on. If she did. She could find the whole utterly boring compared to the lavish things she so clearly enjoyed on a day to day basis. That dress probably cost more than he got paid for for all twelve years of his military career. He figured, though, if it came in like it did for her then why not spend it?

           It didn’t pass unnoticed by her how surprised he was by her decision to go with him. Frankly, if he were one of those boring, polite men, she would have refused it. More so, laugh in his face, but Liam woke up that thirst for unknown within her and it was easy to say yes. Was she afraid? Never, and why would she be afraid? Nika could hold her own if necessary, but more so, he didn’t seem as someone who would do something to her. Au contraire, Liam seemed as someone who’d be the first one to protect her. Not that she was a damsel in distress, more a warrior in distress, but she had learned that sometimes all men needed was to feel as if they were heroes.

“You and I share that in common. I never planned on getting close to you you know. That’s not my style. I flirt, I have sex, occasionally with the same person a few times and then, that’s it. To me that was safe. But you broke that pattern.” The music didn’t even register in his mind nor did the other patrons. His focus was now solely on her.He couldn’t understand how she had decided he was safe when he was anything but. However, she was absolutely without a shadow of a doubt right about one thing. He could never hurt her. He didn’t know if he ever could. “I won’t lie to you Nika. I don’t know what comes next. I don’t know if I’m even capable of giving you what you want. But,” He took a small respectful step back not wanting to intimidate her into choosing something she didn’t want anymore. “I am willing to try. If you’ll let me.”

         Apparently, they both lost the game, yet why did then loss had the taste of a victory? Is that what happens when a player meets another player? Life decides to out play them, to teach them a lesson? “I don’t even know what I want.” To be by his side, Nika, that is what you want. But, did she know how to do that? Wasn’t she scared of actually becoming something more to him and vice versa while at the same time wanting nothing more than that? “If I let you try...” she repeated his words to herself, trying to find some hidden meaning in them, but that was the thing with Rafael. He wasn’t playing games, always offering honesty, which could be brutal at times. “If we do this, you can’t push me away, no matter if it’s even for my safety, Raf. You have to promise.”

Before he can stop her, she’s ordering them each another drink. In what felt like less than three seconds he was staring down into another glass of soda and liquor. Thankfully, he can’t bring himself to lift it to his lips and take a swig. This girl really was used to being handed everything she wanted wasn’t she? He was definitely not the guy for her if that was the case. His benefits from his ‘retirement’ were barely enough for him to make it through the month. The job at the garage helped a lot, but he was still making next to nothing. Not that he minded. It was busy work that kept his hands and mind busy. Though, based on her outfit, she had plenty that could keep his hands busy. Liam wrapped a hand around the glass and looked at it’s contents again. He hoped, maybe even prayed a little, that he wouldn’t be too distracted with thoughts of the beautiful blonde while he was in the ring. If he was to prove himself to the others than he needed to fight good. Then again… If she went with him it might give him a reason to fight longer… To hit harder. Letting go of the glass, he turned his attention back to her and considered her words for a moment or three.

“I’m into cars,” he nodded. “I’m into lots of things and I wouldn’t say cars are at the very top of the list, but ya know. I was just trying to think of a douchey, rich person car.” Liam had his dream car, but it wasn’t a serious goal of his. His used Yukon worked just fine to get him wherever he needed to go and if it needed any work than he got a discount at Hal’s Garage. “What do you say,” he said, fingers nervously tapping on the bar top. He wasn’t sure if what he was about to say was what he wanted, but his mind was already made. “If you’re free, you come with me to this thing I have. If you’re bored after then we go our separate ways.”

              A douchey, rich person car, he had a point there, she had to give it to him. In a way, he was a breath of fresh air to her as she was largely accustomed to men trying to seduce her from the very moment they had seen her, throwing all kind of stories only to impress her. Yet Liam seemed so natural, almost seeing her as more than just an object, more than just a trophy he would take back home. Not that he would take her home, but of course, if he truly was what she thought of him, that rich lone wolf kind of a guy, he certainly had more chances than anyone else here. And perhaps, but only perhaps, he didn’t even had to be that.