(equally sarcastically)

INJURY SPECIAL

1-30

“We’ll never be ready.”

“Where’s the library?”

“I would recommend the coffee. Always.”

“You can’t shoot me.”

“Reading the small print there, I can tell.” 

“They’ve been doing it for like a hundred years. They must be pretty good, right?”

“Secret conspiracies don’t have Wikipedia pages.”

“Well, that sounds bloody sinister.”

“Do you even know how to be subtle?”

“Been awhile since I lost my temper. Don’t make me do it again. I’m very good at it.”

“It takes a stubborn bugger to know one.”

“You ever had a fingernail torn off?”

“Look, no one wants to listen to you.”

“What’s the use? A very tidy profit, that’s what.” 

“Oh, dear me, haven’t they chosen some nasty wallpaper?”

“His pension is massive.”

“All that had resulted was a whole lot of paperwork and death.”

“This is what happens when you don’t let an expert get involved.”

“In my defense- ah, screw it. No one ever trusts anyone who says ‘in my defense’. You always know right then and there that they messed up big time.”

“You don’t really notice the time passing because of all the rain.”

“I went looking for trouble and I always found it.”

“You might think anyone looks hot in a sailor’s outfit but these guys didn’t.”

“I hoped I wasn’t too late.”

“Nothing bad happened then, did it? Not at all. No. Nothing. Nope.”

“Always negotiate from a position of strength- not a bus shelter.”

“Right now, I’d give you the world for a towel and a cup of hot cocoa.”

“Do you really think that object is cursed?”

“To think I had you pegged as a daddy’s girl.”

“I was expecting something, I dunno, nightmarish? Green?”

“And, of course, we’re always behind schedule.”

“I’ve never met anyone special. Poor me.”

“Johnny Depp doesn’t have a ticket so who really is Johnny Depp?”

“Hiring an assassin in Moskow? Expensive; but you can find a bad driver on any corner.”

“I’ll stop them today; but tomorrow? How many tomorrows do we have left?”

“People come in here to drink and forget, no?”

“You have no poetry in your heart!” 

“Heads or tails? Not that it has a head or a tail.”

“Needless to say, we’re worried.”

“You’re flying a spaceship naked.”

“Forget about it. I mean, I say that; I will never let you forget about it.”

“Looks a bit small for the Holy Grail.”

“None of your collegues have a sense of humour.”

“Are you still sulking?”

“Are you still an idiot?”

“I’ve got a long shuttle ride home to work out how I feel.”

“I recovered but never really got my looks back.”

“No, no. Never given a thought to retiring.”

“Millions and millions of artefacts all gathered together, all potentially lethal.”

“My employers want you dead. Me, I’m a bit more even-handed.”

“No offense but gangsters who look like truck drivers: not my thing.”

“What time is it? Still 1953?”

“You lot, you honestly act like you’ve never met a homosexual before.”

“Why should I take you seriously?”

“We really have to name that dog.”

“No brainstorms today.”

“It’s too easy for you lot to tamper with pills in bottles.”

“There’s a conspiracy theory about the assassination of a conspiracy theorist?”

“They’re a secret group of lizards who want to steal the moon.”

“Because they don’t exist physically, they’re very hard to kill.”

“Humans are so easily manipulated.”

“Shame you didn’t drink your tea.”

“Next time, use Google.”

“Wash your fingerprints off the teacup.”

“That can’t be the end of the story!”

“Alien diplomats are no different from human ones. They just tell bigger lies.”

“I can’t even point to Papua New Guinea on a map.”

“That man has altogether too much spirit.”

“I have always been able to see many moves ahead.”

“Tamper with it, hold it, bad luck results.”

“No one ever asks what the computer wants.”

“I am truly proud of what has been done in my name.”

“I gave them a very good copy and a very convincing sob story.”