tora

He would treat you so much better, watch your favorite show with you, talk about it with you even if he doesn’t like it or disagree – he’d just do his best to see you smile everyday. it makes him want to hit a wall, break his nose or ruin his sports career. But he wouldn’t, he can’t get into more trouble than he’s already in with his looks.

It doesn’t help that you're not sitting far away from him, that he comes to see you, Kaoru always has to listen to everything ; from his sugarcoat compliments to his performance in the last game. But Kaoru can’t miss the way he looks at your friend and it makes him sick to his stomach. Yet, it’s not like he can just walk to you and tell you out of nowhere that your boyfriend is gonna cheat on you, right ? 

Well, let’s just say that he's not surprised when you called him in the middle of the night one day, sobbing on the other, asking if you can meet him. He doesn’t hesitate before saying yes and rushing to the 7/11 you mentioned, not without telling his sister before. You were sitting outside in the cold, falling shoulders while drying away the tears left on your face ; he secretly hoped he could’ve done it for you. Instead, he sits next to you, not sure if he can hold you or not, and doesn’t say a thing before you do. It takes a few minutes. He can tell you have a hard time breathing, controlling it so you wouldn't just cry on the spot again. He doesn’t dare tell you that you don’t have to say it, that he knows, but again, he can’t just spit that like it’s nothing. It was even worse to learn it after everyone.

“He cheated on me,” you sobbed even if you tried your best not to. “With my friend, on top of that. I can’t– I can’t understand how she could do that.”

It breaks his heart how you don’t even try to defend him, you knew he could all along, but being betrayed by a friend is worse he guesses. He wants to hold you, tell you it’s gonna be ok but who is he to tell you that right now ? All he can do is not leave you alone when you’re so vulnerable, because he’ll never forgive himself if something happens to you.

“Let’s grab something to eat,” he said, giving you his hand. “We’ll talk about it inside, ok ? It’s chilling.”

“I don’t think I want to talk about it,” you laughed bitterly but took his hand. “Let’s talk about something else, like One Piece.” You don’t have to tell him twice.

After taking a seat, your instant noodle done and your favorite onigiri in hand you could finally let it out and forget about it. He almost forgot how fun it was to talk with you, since you barely talked to him when you were taken. He asked you later why, maybe, right now he just wanted to hear you laugh – or at least see you smile. There’s a silly, loving look in his eyes when he watches you talk about Vivi as if she was your favorite character ever. He’s never seen you so happy in months and he can’t help but think it’s because he actually knows you : what you like, how to make you laugh genuinely. He can’t help but think you belong with him.

He’s quick to bounce back on a fact, getting his head up from his arm and keeping the conversation alive, even on your way back to his place. It’s closer than yours and his sister would never mind having you around when she likes you so much.

“She’s been asking about you a lot, in fact,” Kaoru confesses as you enter the building. “She’s gonna be happy to see you tomorrow.”

You blush at him, probably not expecting her to appreciate you this much – you’ve only come to eat once or twice after all. But you felt at home when you passed the door, it seems familiar for some reasons but only because you know you won’t be judged under this roof. You two took place in the living room, you on the couch and him on the big armchair, and you watched anime until both of you knocked out of fatigue. But it has been, despite the start, a rather good night. You’d figure out the rest tomorrow.

he grips your hand to give him strength. a stroll through the bookstore he always goes too shouldn't be this difficult.

but you were there.

seriously, it shouldn't take this much energy to wander through the manga section and look for the latest releases that you both loved to read.

but you were there. and holding his hand.

girls had never taken much interest in him – he was the weird kid with purple eyes and a constant off-putting look on his face. people saw him as creepy, someone to avoid.

you knew it was a cruel thing to say about someone and grew a keen interest in him. not nesessarily romantically, but more like you wanted to inspect him. put him in a terrarium, study him and ocassionally tap on the glass to see how he'd react.

you were certain that he was just an average guy with a couple of quirks, and the second you caught a glimpse of him with his friends in their clubroom, you knew the rumors weren't true.

he was holding a volume of jujutsu kaisen, rambling passionately to his friends about something you couldn't hear properly through the door.

not that what he had to say was important, all you knew is that you had fallen swiftly in love with him.

you spent the next couple weeks trying to get closer to the 'phantom busters'. ocassionally soft-launching that you too enjoyed readed the same manga kanzaki did.

thats what led you to now.

awkwardly glaring at the manga section, your fingers losing circulation from how tight he was squeezing.

you turn towards him, genuinely concered at his anxious mannerisms.

"you good, bro?"

he hurriedly nods at you, a poor attempt to dismiss any concern you had for him.

"do you need a minute? you're totally freaking out, dude..."

he takes a deep breath and turns to face you.

"it's just... i've never had a girl genuinely wanna go out with me before."

he furrowed his eyebrows.

"girls tend to ask me out for dares because they see me as some strange delinquent, but you actually like me. and you like what i like."

his heart is rattling around his chest like a shaken can of soda about to burst. he swallows before continuing.

"it's too... perfect..."

you're stunned by the sudden outburst, his quick-paced rambling that came out of seemingly nowhere. the shift from feeling tense because the two of you were shy, to feeling tense because woah that escalated fast.

"what im trying to say is, thank you"

he seemed somewhat calmed down after getting that off his chest, his face tinted a soft crimson. he turned back to the manga and picked up a volume sheepishly, trying to conceal the vunerability that he felt.

he left you jaw-dropped and utterly astounded. how were you supposed to carry on when a bomb like that had just been dropped on you?

and like nothing happened, he went back to searching.

"Yoooo, Zaki! What's up? You've been zoning out so much!!", exclaimed Mogari. The boy Mogari acknowledged was currently seated upon a vacant chair in the room of A-class. Whereas, the phantom-eating exorcist was situated at a position which has him at Kanzaki's left, standing. Their other two club members were present in the room as well, with Eugene sitting snug at his rightfully designated seat, and Tamon, who dragged a chair all the way to Kanzakis right. 

There were but a few (living) souls in the room they currently reside in. Most students opt to venture the school institute during the minutes of lunch break, enjoying their fleeting moment of freedom before they are dragged back to the four corners of a classroom full of dread. A handful of students choose to enjoy their lunch in the solace of their own classroom. Before the not-so fated recruitment of Kanzaki to join the Phantom Busters, the boy would rather enjoy his time in the scene of the rooftop, but that was then, he's here now.

Here, in a classroom that was not even his assigned one. Here, in a classroom which gives him the chance to share the isolated same space as you.

It dawned on Kanzaki as a miniature speck of interest. But later on, he found himself lingering at Class-A's proximity. He tells himself it's because of Mogari, and the British ginger. Despite so, his purple hued eyes always travelled to where ever you were, seldom ever at his two club members.

"He's long gone...! Is he possessed?! What should we do??", the green haired male cried out immediately when he witnessed Kanzaki not replying to any of their advancements.

With the sheer volume of Tamon's voice , Kanzaki was startled out of his trance. "I ain't possessed! Stop screaming, ya bunch!!" A ticked face made itself present on the white-haired boy's face, yet it disappeared the moment it made itself known. A calmer expression was now worn.

 "You're all loud. At this point, go to you own classroom, you lot!", said Eugene whilst organizing a stack of paper in which Kanzaki presumes to be research paper.

"But seriously, Zaki, what's gotten into you?" Mogari once again asked, with his hands tucked into his pants now.

"Huh? I dunno what you all are on about. Nothings wrong with me." Kanzaki leaned further backwards on the chair. He truly thought so. He perceived himself as slick with his (very evident) interest. Who's gonna tell him? With how intense his gaze is towards you, who's currently enjoying your own meal a few seats away from him, the crush makes itself obvious to anyone who has the equivalent of two braincells.

Like take for example; at this fateful moment, all the raven-haired boy had to do was follow Kanzaki's line of sight to understand what had been weighing the hot-headed male. Tamon did as well, and it dawned on them both akin to a bucket being dumped upon the crown of their heads. Mogari's mouth fell wide open; "No way! Man's having a crush on (Name)?"

"Quiet down, you blockhead!", exclaimed Kanzaki. Oh dear lord, please let whatever Mogari said fly right over your brain. Kanzaki wouldn't dare bear the embarrassment. 

Because Kanzaki, himself, knows that he and you are in completely different realms. Many would associate you as the girl one can barely reach, whereas Kanzaki would be the synonymous teenage dirtbag, only able conceit a universe where the two of you are comparable in any manner of tendency, habit, or quirk. You are the star humans were never supposed to reach, no matter how advanced they engineer those space rockets to be. While he is so painfully human.

The secrets of the universe, he'd find and grasp amidst your words. Secrets that a man like him have no business in knowing, in the same way a girl parallel to you possesses not; the business in knowing the name 'Kanzaki'. Such is the cruel truth, no white lies need to be said in his presence. Kanzaki understands the reality of the situation. Maybe such is why the boy's in such a deep denial regarding the frenzied beating of his heart. 

It's all just so infuriating! Out of all people, why does his subconscious choose the very one who he can only dream of having? Whatever sorcery you're casting on the white-haired student needs to be halted, effective immediately! 

"Why don't you approach her? (Name)-san is very friendly with people.", the British ginger advices. Easy for him to say, truthfully. Unlike Eugene, Kanzaki has never experienced being envied, being idolized. Eugene is just perfect in every aspect where the otaku lacks. 

"Yeah, no thanks. I don't even like her that much. Just think she's pretty, that's it. You guys better not make it a huge deal, or anything!!" Ahem, a lie. A blatantly, poorly executed lie. The redness of the boy's cheeks confesses everything that his mouth would never have the courage to admit.

But sure, let us indulge in the teen's sea of denials, shall we? Kanzaki does indeed; quote: 'not like you that much' Undoubtedly so. 

He doesn't even like how your features are highlighted whenever the sun shines on your face, it's mediocre at best (he can't force himself to look away). Honestly, you aren't all that. He isn't even fond of your beautifully carefree laughter that springs his heart to life, the laughter that bounces inside the cocoon of his brain even when you've long stopped giggling. Not even that personality of yours that he oh so desperately wants to comprehend! He doesn't like that either. It's not as if he spends his time thinking about such a thing. And, it's not like he likes-like you, or anything!

"Whatever floats your boat bro...", the poor Tamon was then executed on spot.

A handful of days had already passed since that conversation. It just so happens that Kanzaki spent those days further observing your being. His fellow clubmates would give him a knowing stare whenever the purple-eyed boy showed the signs of being even the slightest measure of distracted. Kanzaki hasn't been this bothered at any point of his life, not the kind of bothered where a ghost would be pining over him. The specific type of' weighed' that has him going through sleepless nights. 

He has not; the strength to endure this torture you have subjected him into! He's starting to think being haunted by a ghoul stands as a kinder fate. It's something he has lived to tolerate, after all. Way better than aiming for someone he shan't have. All his life, Kanzaki has been the boy people keep their distance from, the boy called names for seeing things he didn't wish to see in the first place— liar, weirdo, creep— numerous things, he's been called. He has always been labeled— the kid with a permanent scowl, never to be known outside of what people chatter of him.

Truth be set free, it aggravates him more than he parades. But, its ok! He'll get by as long as a manga volume is within his grasp. Like right now!

Helios' rays of light shine directly upon him in his snug position at the rooftop. Mogari and Eugene went to the student council to print more posters, hoping of advertising the newly formed club to those interested in the exorcising services the ghoul-eating boy offers. And only god knows where Tamon is, perhaps off to chat with a ghost he's heard in the corridors? Kanzaki just decided to leave the anxious lad alone.

Which leaves him forsaken by everyone who might have kept him company. Something he'd dread nevermore. With the latest released volume of the manga 'Bungo Stray Dogs' in hand, he happily reads away the minutes of his lunchbreak. 

A recess like any other, spent at his usual post— at the rooftop he's painfully familiar with. The same location where he had first been inquired by Mogari to join the Phantom Busters. 

It's normal.

Everything's ordinary. The Earth spins on its axis, endlessly orbiting a star whose sheer mass holds it into place. Kanzaki's submerged, attention completely honed and directed towards the manga he's reading. So indulged that he rids his mind, heart, as well as his soul of any remnants of your existence. BSD is just good like that, I fear.

So amusing that the ghost-seeing boy had not heard the forthcoming footsteps, not until a voice follows to make the presence known—

"Ah! You like that series too, Kanzaki?"

"Yeah, I do—" Wait. What.

Kanzaki looks up to be greeted with a sight he never sought to witness. You. YOU. Flesh and blood, bone and skin, soul and body, YOU, standing over him as if he were someone you've grown to know.

Holy shit. Just—

"Uhm, I read manga, too— Especially that one, it's one of my favorites- actually... I'm (Name), nice to finally talk to you, Zaki!" You blurted out when the silence stretched on for a mile long. Effort was exerted into appearing desirable, and well put—but internally your mind was screeching; 'He's not saying anything! Scary! His face looks so annoyed, was it he wrong idea to have approached him after all?!' You finally work up the courage to talk to him... and the second the words leave your mouth, you're convinced you've just blown your first impression— the chance of a relationship with him flew out the window the instant you opted to walk over this guy! 

All the while, Kanzaki sits frozen in place, a silent storm unraveling within him—questions weaving through his thoughts: how do you know who he is, and why do you speak to him as though you care to know? The fact that he's been painfully mute leaves his mind.

"Who's—who's your favorite character?" you ask with a gentle smile, never noticing the way your words ripple through his chest. 

Be cool, Kanzaki, you face the gore of the undead every day of your life, surely facing the girl you've been eyeing ain't as hard as that! "Chuuya," he answers, a careless calm in his voice that surprises even him.

At his reply, excitement blooms within you, a rush of warmth spreading until you feel light and sparkly from head to toe. "I totally understand! He's so cool, the coolest!"

Kanzaki can no longer remember what color is the sky the two of you are under. He's just completely baffled, head blown from its place on top of his shoulders. He's able to sense his heart faltering from the sheer speed of its beats, as though the organ is running a race he wasn't aware of ever joining.

You're talking to him as though he isn't the outcast of society, you're raving to him about something he, himself, is passionate about— Kanzaki could only stare at you as though this whole experience is a dream, glaring towards your being even when you did the most mundane thing like taking a seat next to him. This has to be fake, some stupid dream of his— surely. These lips of his are beginning to shake, beginning to fumble— for this all appears so unreal.

He's the scum under the sole of everyone's foot, a teenage dirtbag whose never been approached by any (living) girl, with the sole exception of his sister and mom. So, why—?

Unbeknownst to both parties, the two teens harbored the exact same feelings for the other. Just as you were oblivious to the lingering glances coming from those uniquely designed eyes, Kanzaki was completely unaware of your advances to befriend him (considering you don't trust yourself enough to waltz over to Kanzaki's proximity when he's in the company of his friends). 

"A-actually, I was wondering—", you started.

"Wondering about what?" He replied with that same cool tone.

"Are you free this Friday after school?"

"This Friday? Why?"

"A friend gave me two tickets to a premiere of an anime movie... I didn't really have anyone to go with, so I was wondering if you—"

"Yeah, sure. I'm down.", said him, a little too eagerly, considering his nonchalant persona.

Well, turns out, you and him weren't so different after all—two restless souls tangled in the same awkward silences and shared glances, chasing fleeting moments of something that felt like something meaningful... both, at heart, just teenage dirtbags.