Musings of Topher

From Rev. Dan McCurdy:

So this past weekend I got called out to do a graveside funeral for a gentleman I'd never met. Peter was described by his loved ones as "the life of the party," a guy who loved his family and kept adding to it with his friends.

I was standing with the family before the funeral proper began, hearing their stories and laughing about Peter's various shenanigans (I believe he could be appropriately described as "quite a card") when his daughter's eyes go huge. When I asked her what was wrong, she goes: "I forgot Dad!"

You see, Peter had been cremated back in VA where he had lived in retirement, he was only being buried here because this is where his wife was buried 13 years ago. His Daughter had bought the cremains up from VA but had left them at her grandmother's house in Green Bay, a full hour away from the cemetery.

It was a military burial with full honors, everyone assembled. There was no waiting for this funeral. So we went ahead and did it without him. First time I ever did a funeral where the deceased was a no show. But the kicker came when Peter's daughter told his mother.

"Grandma," she said, VERY embarrassed, "I forgot to bring Dad. His ashes are still at your house!"

"Well," the old lady said, not missing a beat, "I always said he'd be late for his own funeral."

Following today’s landmark Supreme Court decision, local man Larry Johnson, 26, panicked because he promised his girlfriend he would marry her when “everyone could.”

Johnson’s girlfriend is a strong ally of LGBT rights and was very upset when he agreed to the deal.

“She had been hinting that she wanted to get married for quite awhile, but I’m terrified of commitment,” Johnson said. “So when she started talking about how mad she was that her gay friend couldn’t get married, I had an idea.”

Johnson decided that he would shore up his relationship with a promise he didn’t think he’d ever have to follow through on.

“She kept saying how impossible it was that gay marriage would ever become legal in all 50 states, and I believed her,” Johnson said. “So I decided I’d propose with the stipulation that we would get married when everyone can. I never thought it would actually happen.”

Now that marriage equality is the law of the land, Johnson has to either come up with a new strategy or actually follow through.