In the past there was a day in my life where I slept in my temporary room for hours. Unbothered by my roommates absence any longer I rested as if I didn't have plans to sleep again soon. Occasionally waking to check on something. I slumbered beside notes that would, I thought at the time, make or break my declining college career. "Responsible," I told myself each time I scanned the pages to jog my memory of what my professor swore was definitely on the exam. "Shit," I thought. "Exam. Fuck this..." Now tossing and turning as I'm stressing out over a strained agreement for a D rather than an F, which unfortunately does fucking matter and hurt or help my GPA. Now I see grades were like a credit score and once they get too far behind they appear impossible to heal without years of sacrifice. So I nodded off in a naughty nature of sadness. Disappointed in myself cause I couldn't half ass college how I had imagined.
In grade school I hadn't mastered focus and as an adult I have still barely. For instance I know at least 1-2 weeks ago i started writing this and until today i was able to put any energy towards it at all.
15 minutes. Enough time I decided to wake up and get ready for a class that had started half an hour ago. My barely covered body lifted up from the sheets and searched for my top. As it slid down over my nipples I thought of a few nights ago with my main lover. He never really wants to see me because I'm inconsistent, nonchalant, and I use him for sex. I can admit I'm pretty selfish at this point in my life. I wanted it all and this realization led me to tears. Thinking of the daughter my parent's were losing touch of every day of my life. It was almost as if i was morphing into someone they didn't know or recognize.
To be continued
