GOT THE WORLD ON MY TV!

he's the kind of clingy where he doesn't even realise he's doing it . he'll follow you from room to room without noticing, just keeps talking while you get up and he gets up right after you, still mid-sentence. or he'll reach for you in his sleep. you better not call him out on it because he'll either get flustered immediately or spin it into some nonsense about business and sales or whatever helps him sleep at night.

something tells me one of his love languages is teaching you things. especially if it's related to the internet, social media (??), sales, money, or how to run a business. he will happily tell you everything about the cyber side of life. he genuinely loves feeling like he's giving you tools to succeed / thrive in his world. it makes him feel like he's taking care of you

he orders for you at restaurants!! he knows what you like and wants to show off that he does . he doesn't even ask what you want anymore half the time, just waves the waiter over and says “they'll have the thing, you know the thing, the one they liked last time”

he's weirdly domestic in ways that surprise you. and no, it's not because he seems incapable of it but because he seems too busy for it, too big for the small things. but he does the small things. he'll fold laundry while he's on phone calls, tucking his phone between his ear and his shoulder. he'll follow you into the kitchen and just hover while you cook, stealing little bites of ingredients and commenting on everything.

“needs more salt. i'm not a chef but i know these things. what?? I'll have you know successful people have refined palates.” and if you swat his hand away he holds both hands up in mock surrender and backs off for ten seconds before he's right back in your space. i can't help but love love love when Spamton is playful with his partner.

he pulls you into his lap during meetings and if anyone raises an eyebrow he just laughs and says “what? can't a guy have his favorite person nearby? mind your business, pal!” . he's just a huge fan of holding you in general. soooo touch starved . if you try to get up he tightens his grip and murmurs against your ear “where do you think you're going, exactly, i didn't say we were done here??” why would you want to be anywhere else?

oh and about murmuring... listening to his canon voice, i'm pretty convinced his voice is on the deeper side. so, speaking of it, Spamton knows exactly what he's doing with his tone and weaponizes it against you constantly . “you're being very good for me today, you know that?” and then immediately pull back and go “anyway, about these weird fellas you keep saying look like yours truly. you DO realise a big shot of MY caliber is one in a million, right!?” . and despite how desperately you want to circle back to the previous subject and clarify what the hell that was all about, Spamton isn't going to give you that, grinning at your surprised face

he's a show-off but specifically he's a show-off for you . everything impressive he does, he immediately looks to you for approval. closes a deal with a handshake that makes the other guy sweat and then turns to you with his eyebrows raised like “you see that? you see your man in action?” wins a game of pool at some seedy cyber world bar and immediately spins around to find your face in the crowd. “tell 'em, baby, tell 'em who just cleared the table, go on, brag about me, i'll wait.”

there is genuinely nothing Spamton loves more than hearing you say “yeah that's my guy” and don't forget to give his hair a little scratch while you're at it, he'll be like a very pleased cat about it.

he calls you constantly and usually it's about the dumbest things. Spam absolutely doesn't care if you're busy / at work / in the middle of something. no no no, listen here, sugar, that's not how this works. time is money and don't you see that a big shot has decided to spend his on you? so you better be a dear and talk to him ??

and also he's so much bolder on the phone than he is face to face. just a shameless flirt over the phone . and i adore the thought of him acting all slick and talking a big game but sweating like crazy and internally going what the hell did i just say oh god

he'll find any excuse to call you pet names in front of people who annoy him . some boring so-called businessman is droning on and on and Spamton just turns to you and says very loudly “hey, sweetums, darling, light of my entire existence, are you as bored as i am right now?”

the type to say “make me” when you tell him to do something and then immediately fold the second you actually try. pathetic, i tell you!

this guy is a chronic hand-kisser. it started as a joke but then he actually did it and liked it and now he can't stop. he's also the king of the almost-kiss . i don't remember if i said this beforehand, but he'll get sooo close, his breath warm on your lips, and then he'll pause and go, “wait. before we do this. i need you to know that my name is trending on [Tumblr Dot Com] right now.” making you groan and push his face away, offended

he loves driving you around. the car is his little kingdom on wheels, and having you in the passenger seat feels like the most natural thing in the world. he'll rest one hand on the steering wheel and the other on your thigh and just cruise, talking about nothing, pointing out buildings and telling you about the structure of cyber city, if you are a lightner or darkner from another world.

every single SERIOUS kiss happens in the car. every single one. he does kiss you throughout the day of course, constantly grabbing your face and planting one on you, or pressing a kiss to your temple while he's on the phone, or sneaking up behind you while you're making coffee to kiss the back of your neck. but those kisses are always kind of quick. Spam's so jittery and wired, his brain is always running a mile a minute and he can't seem to slow down long enough to really sink into it, so you get these rapid-fire kisses. in the car it's slower than usual, his hand cupping your jaw instead of grabbing, unhurried. he pulls back to look at you, then leans in again, and again, savoring it, finally giving himself permission to be gentle.

we should drive more often, i like who i am when it's just us.

the car is where he vents too. if he's had a bad day, he won't talk about it in your apartment or anywhere else. this guy is paranoid as fuck and thinks that the walls are listening . he'll just grab the keys and say “let's go for a drive” and you know what that means.

he fishes for compliments constantly, and it's never subtle. he'll stand in front of you in a brand new suit and ask if it makes him look successful, and if you say yes he preens before downplaying the whole thing. the praise thing is huge with him but it's a two-way street. he's constantly fishing for reassurance, but he does it in this roundabout way where he brags and then watches you to see if you'll agree.

“i really killed it out there today, didn't i? i mean, did you see their faces? they didn't know what hit 'em. i'm a GENIUS, frankly, and i don't say that lightly--“ and he's looking at you sideways, waiting, and if you say “yeah, you were amazing” bro just lights up like a casino sign, but then he immediately downplays it, “well, i mean, it's nothing, it's just what i do, you know, it's the SPAMTON G. SPAMTON guarantee--“

he's the one who handles all the stressful phone calls because i want him to . if you have to deal with customer service or a difficult contractor or anyone who might give you trouble, he just takes the phone from your hand mid-sentence and says let me. idc if this is ooc!!

the original one I did on reddit

and a transparent one if anyone else wants to give him an ad