Tom Innocenti

Spiritually my spirit is always smoking a cigarette but physically i am.not because hashatg smoking kills

i am simultaneously self-improving and being self destructive dont ask me how i just am

your daughter is a pleasure to have at the devil's sacrament

masters degree in moving my legs around under the sheets like a big gay horseshoe crab

being a dork and making your girlfriend laugh is worth a sillyion dollars

omg imagine being born and you are on a spaceship and everyone aboard is sooo so mad at you just because you burst out of some guy's chest to be born. like um sorry i've not been alive before i didn't even know that's not allowed please be nice to me um the spaceship floor is cold is no one going to knit me some little booties i am calling child protective services