a queer voice in a violent storm

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

This is the opposite of a creepypasta

Comfypasta

if you had a time machine you could sleep til like 6 then get in and go back to midnight and get double sleep. that’s probably the only use for such a machine though

to the person who suggested “triple sleep” my reply to you is: absolutely not. don’t be greedy

to clear things up because some of you clearly cannot fucking read: i am a homosexual man who is willing to go back in time and put my entire penis inside of historical figure Leonardo Da Vinci’s rectum in an act of anal sex and then go on to live a lavish and intellectually stimulating lifestyle as his beloved top. i don’t know what a video game is and i don’t care.

The audacity!!! 😡😧 File all these under : Foolishness I absolutely DO NOT have the time for at all!

if you are a man please thoroughly read and ruminate on this bc i guarantee almost 99% of men do at least some of these & are under the impression that they dont

“fiction doesnt affect reality” then WHY did i buy that black v neck top a couple of weeks ago? because i LIKED it? or because i thought sasuke would wear it? get a clue

Thinking about that fallout 76 ad where like 9 people stand around and watch a ground burst nuke go off like it’s a pretty firework is like. Genuinely upsetting. Not only can I not think of any worse way to reflect the themes of the series, with the opening of Fallout specifying that WWIII only lasted an hour and with it destroyed almost all life on the planet at the hands of nuclear weapons, but it’s also just an irreverent and frankly dangerous way to discuss the most horrible weapons mankind has ever made. It would be different if it were actually some kind of satire, some kind of distinct point being made, but it’s literally just LOOK NUKES COOL and it’s more a re-invigoration of the cold war’s nuclear obsession than it is an indictment of it.

sir that’s my emotional support gardener

AM I HAVING A STROKE?