When things get back to normal...
I am not gonna lie, in almost a month of our Enhanced Community Quarantine I can’t help but sometimes feel drained, anxious and stressed out. Imagine just staying at home almost 24/7 (when you ain’t out for some grocery run) Not having the usual work-life-balance I usually give myself in and outside my home. It drains me. It consumes me. My thoughts. My temper. My mood. Everything.
Everyone is fighting their own battles through this whole pandemic journey.
Personally for me, I cannot go out, I can’t see my family, the B, my DOGS, my friends. Everyone. In the middle of working at home I would sometimes just cry and have minor internal breakdowns. The thought of many people grieving for their lost loved ones because of this virus, shatters my heart. Plus thinking about the crisis and lack of help that our front liners and homeless people deserves, drives me crazy.
Last night, after hours of over-thinking.. I told myself I needed a break. A break from anyone and anything that would run through my head. I just want to sleep and reset my brain and heart that already had too much of everything that has been going on.
After realizing how I needed to acknowledge all these emotions, I watched The Feast’s Recollection Day 3 on Facebook. I was seeking to hear God's goodness to guide me back in my track and truly after, I felt blessed and renewed. There will always be dark days for us but I realized (after watching the reflection and testimonials) that when there is suffering, uncertainty and anxiety in my life.. it gives me one step closer to my Saviour, Jesus Christ. I never forget to glorify him and thank him for his grace whenever I am at my joyful moments but deep down I think I haven’t done enough. So that is why I think God allows this to happen and sometimes uses people, places and scenarios to remind me that HE is here. That I need to have a constant relationship with him and I need to continue to serve him to receive his grace.
When things go well, God is good.
When things do not go well, still God is good because soon you will see his goodness.
Brother Dreus Cosio
I can’t imagine how many people now question God through this crisis. It is a very sad reality that some can’t help but feel. So I want to take this moment and write down my pure thoughts and emotions about all this catastrophe. Knowing that I am a bit struggling emotionally and spiritually as well, I want to remind myself that I have a God who is in control of everything.
To strengthen my faith about God’s Faithfulness in my life I wrote down 5 things I am most grateful for right now (during quarantine):
1. The B - A loving boyfriend who would have to endure all my breakdowns and would just calmly ask me to not think too much. It might sound too boring for some but this helps. It helps big time. It helps when someone is there for you to listen and who constantly tries his best to just.... be there. Being there is enough actually. Many times I don’t even need any of his advice. I just need him. His presence that keeps me sane.
2. Forever Folks - A complete, healthy and loving family. We might not be physically together but I will always feel blessed to feel God’s grace and love through my family. We do video calls almost every night. We get united through prayer time and kalokohan videos. heehee
3. My work - I am thankful to continue to do (work from home) even during this helpless time. I love my job. It gives me enough resources for myself, my family and to at least give a few help to the less fortunate.
4. Time - As funny it may sound, I am now learning how to cook at the age of 26 years old. (Who are u, Dindin? lol) Last night I realized *cooking* might be my outlet these days due to the anxiety this lockdown is giving me. I couldn’t be more grateful though for I consider this an unexpected blessing too. I never realized I would actually like the idea of cooking to begin with. :D
5. Shelter and Protection - I am thankful to have a home in Manila near my brother and I’s offices. I am thankful how we are being kept safe and healthy despite the pandemic. I am so blessed to BE with my brother, Ryan. I literally cannot live alone here during this time. So I am praising the Lord for giving me someone who could be my companion and would eat all experimental dishes. char!
If anyone reading this feels all these sort of mental and emotional stress.. I want to let you know that God allowed you to see this blog post for a reason. By staying at home may you find time to also list down 5 reasons to be grateful for this quarantine. I hope by doing so it would lead you also to a deeper understanding about everything that is happening right now.
Our Faitjful God has Risen! Happy Easter everyone.
God bless you all! :)
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Love,
Claudine
