justpickoneig

You sat on the edge of your bed with your shoulders curled inward, staring down at the floor in a baggy t-shirt while frustration ate away at you, a roll of trans tape sitting abandoned on the nightstand.

You'd been so hopeful. You'd watched tutorials and read advice, and mentally told yourself not to set your expectations too high, but even so, when you looked in the mirror afterwards, disappointment had still hit you like a stun blast. You were so disappointed that the sound of the front door sliding open barely registered to you.

"Sweetheart?" Fives called.

You quickly wiped your eyes, clearing your throat quietly to try to pull yourself together as much as you could. As soon as Fives stepped into the bedroom, though, his eyes caught on your expression and he frowned faintly.

"Hey." His voice dropped as he crossed the room, dropping to one knee in front of where you were sitting, his hands coming up to rest on your thighs. "What's wrong?"

You hesitated before gesturing vagely towards the tape. You didn't really trust your voice yet. Fives followed the motion of your hand and immediately understood, his gaze flicking back to your face as it softened with sympathy. "Oh, baby." He shifted closer, resting his forehead briefly against your knee. "I'm sorry."

You let out a faint huff that was still a little weak. "It didn't help," you muttered. "I knew it wouldn't be perfect, but I thought it'd at least do something. I just…" Your voice cracked. "I looked in the mirror and I still looked exactly the same."

Fives exhaled and stood up so he could settle beside you on the bed instead. "C'mere," he murmured, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and gently tugging you against his side. You leaned into him with a sigh.

"I hate it," you admitted quietly, pressing your face into his shoulder. "I hate looking in the mirror and seeing no difference. I hate getting my hopes up. I feel so stupid."

Fives brought his hand up to cradle the back of your head, holding you a little tighter. He held himself back from the protest that instantly came to the tip of his tongue, the knee-jerk instinct to contradict your self-deprecation, and took a slow breath. "I know," he said instead, softly. "I know, baby. But can I tell you something?"

You shrugged weakly.

"I think you're being a lot harder on yourself than you deserve," he admitted. "You got your hopes up because…because feeling like your own body belongs to you matters to you, yeah? And you found something that could've possibly helped. I don't think that's stupid."

You swallowed hard, pressing your face against his shoulder a little more firmly.

He took a breath, choosing his words carefully. "I know it hurts," he continued soothingly. "It must feel awful. One bad day doesn't mean you're gonna feel like this forever, though."

Your eyes burned again. "It feels like I am."

Fives was quiet for a moment. His thumb stroked along your shoulder as he pressed a kiss to the side of your forehead. "…Your brain's such a damn liar sometimes, huh."

That got a tiny, watery laugh from you. "Too often."

Fives smiled when he heard the tiny laugh. "Mm." He kissed your forehead again. "Mine tells me all kinds of nonsense."

You snorted quietly, snuggling into him a little more. "I've noticed."

"Mhm." Fives chuckled. "Absolute garbage. No quality control whatsoever."

You laughed faintly again, a little less watery this time, and Fives brightened. "There we go," he said, giving you a squeeze. "There's my favorite sound."

Heat crept up into your face and you groaned in protest, but Fives slid his hand up to tilt your face towards his and pressed a little kiss to the tip of your nose. "You know," he murmured, ducking his head to then kiss away a stray tear on your cheek, "I know I can't kiss the feeling away."

You huffed weakly. "Unfortunately."

"Mm. But I could damn well try." Before you could answer, he kissed your other cheek. Then went back up to your forehead. Then to the still damp corner of your eye, which made you scrunch your face up in protest again.

"Fives."

"Shush, I'm busy."

You rolled your eyes, but the corner of your mouth twitched upward. Fives, annoyingly pleased, stole another kiss, this one landing softly against your lips. You let yourself lean into him completely, feeling his arms tighten around you.

"You don't have to win against every bad thought today," he murmured quietly, lips brushing your temple as he kissed you yet again. "Just let me take care of you for a while, alright?"

Your disappointment from earlier was still there, a dull aching still lying deep in your chest, but it did feel a little smaller with him holding you. "Okay," you mumbled.

Fives smiled and kissed you once more. "Good. Then we're ordering food, finding the dumbest holofilm we can, and you're staying close enough that I can keep kissing that look away whenever it comes back."

"Deal," you said, your smile coming a little easier. Then you leaned in to kiss him this time, slow and sweet. You couldn't quite bring yourself to believe that everything would be okay yet, but for a brief moment it finally felt like you didn't need to. For now, it was enough that he believed it for the both of you.