— L I V I N G ♡ H E L L —

[SMS: YUMI] I think I should and send them to you while you’re at work.

[SMS: YUMI] Honestly, I can live with this demand. LOL

[ SMS → Ayami ] If I find pictures of different dildos in your phone, we’re gonna need to have a talk

[SMS: YUMI] Well, I did search Auto Cucumber and dildos popped up on my google search.

【 TXT：Yumi。】Okay, so… very important question… the cat we’re discussing… is it Pearl, or is it Cora? 【 TXT：Yumi。】 Actually, that’s probably a stupid question, I doubt you know which one is which. But…ahem… is she all white or does she have a slightly different colored face? 【 TXT：Yumi。】 Because if it’s Pearl I can appease her with a tribute of cat food, but if Cora is upset, we’re all going to bleed, and there’s no way around it. 【 TXT：Yumi。】 And what did you even do to upset our cats! THEY’RE USUALLY SO WELL BEHAVED!

[ SMS → Tzuyu ] How bad would it be if it were both of them??

[ SMS → Tzuyu ] I think we’re about to die.

[ text ]: I'm drunk on lemonade.

[ text ]: A book told me to bathe in milk. I have regrets.

[ text ]: Help. I'm stuck in [insert name here]'s house and they won't let me leave.

[ text ]: Last night, I used 7 champagne glasses to empty an orange juice carton and drank none of them.

[ text ]: I accidentally sexted my mom.

[ text ]: Why is my TV in the back hard.

[ text ]: I can't find my phone.

[ text ]: Sorry about calling you for pizza last night. I got you and the delivery number mixed up.

[ text ]: I got prank called that my cat was in the freezer but I don't have a cat and I'm scared.

[ text ]: Don't be alarmed. There's a pretty angry cat in your apartment.

[ text ]: I don't know who you are but I want pizza.

[ text ]: Do you have my dog?

[ text ]: A Disney princess dress arrived today. When did I order it?

[ text ]: All I have in my fridge is eggs.

[ text ]: THERE IS A STRANGER IN MY HOME and xhe is politely asking for beer.

[ text ]: All my underwear is gone.

[ text ]: I just got mistaken for a porn star.

[ text ]: Who's house am I in?

[ text ]: I've been waiting for three hours and you're still in the bathroom.

[ text ]: I have a collection of stolen doorknobs.

[ text ]: Police just asked me where you are. You should hide.

[ text ]: I think you underestimated the power of vodka. You told me that rainbows were a conspiracy.

[ text ]: I wish I was a unicorn sometimes.

[ text ]: The sky was green for like a second. fite me.

[ text ]: You were so drunk last night that you hit on your reflection.

[ text ]: I think we need to talk about last night.

[ text ]: Pack your bags. Surprise road trip.

[ text ]: Remind me to never drink again.

[ text ]: Someone stole my table and only my table.

[ text ]: There's a huge ass hole in my couch. It's bigger than my butt.

[ text ]: All my pasta is gone and I can't find it.

[ text ]: When will my dignity return from war.

[ text ]: Apparently 'mmm watcha say' isn't funny anymore.

[ text ]: In not brubk yuu ate.

[ text ]: sleap wwat evn os sleeo