TJ-Kitty

So I feel like Im a lil sad lately internally. I dont want to listen to anybodys advice anymore, or promises. I dont want to talk to anyone. I just want to do whatever it is I want to do. I dont feel like gaming today. I dont feel like editting any videos, I dont feel like talking to anyone. Today is not necessarily a bad day but I dont feel good today. I will go for a walk for a bit, maybe with some music. I dont see what else there is for me to do today.

I dont want to trust people no more. I dont want to get close to anyone anymore. I will stay neutral to everybody and to myself.

Thats it I think.... I might add more later with a time stamp...

"Im feeling deep thoughts rn''

I haven't really slept. I have been awake quite a few days. I been real obsessed with bettering myself entirely. Appearance wise, personality-wise and just better myself mentally, internally.

Im 30 now, I was born in the spring on a Sunday. I feel like for majority of my life I have been the same person. I've thought the same way, I've behaved the same way and acted the same way for so many years of my life. i took a step back to observe my own mind, my actions after doing them. Looking at myself in the mirror 100x a day to see if I still see the same person.

I had realized so many things about myself when staying in the background and observing. I was not or am not who I want to be. I decided I'd do something about it and shape myself into the person I long to be.

I decided I would start with weight loss. I work out everyday. I hardly eat and when I do I track every single calorie, carbohydrates, and grams of fat as well as sodium. I check ingredients and I avoid bread, dairy, and fatty meats. I bought a mini treadmill because I had anxiety in the beginning jogging outside in public while I was really chubby. (lol) I also purchased a fitbit to easily track calories, foot steps and heart rate.

I started that about a month or two ago and I think I have lost quite a bit of weight since then and today I am going to go to the walk in clinic to do a check up on my weight. I feel mid success if that makes sense, I am stronger, I can sprint again, I am smaller in size and feel more attracted to myself.

There are some things i still see in the mirror that I want to improve like my hair and my skin. I spent 150$ on hair products to repair my damaged hair and help the regrowth. The products are working quite well, and I also have cerave for my oily skin and bio oil to improve my scars and blemishes. I find that the products were worth purchasing because they are infact making a big improvement.

I think once I have this first goal of mine completed then I can focus entirely on my mental health and getting to know myself a little bit more. In the meantime, most I can do at once is slowly observe myself over time while working on my physical self.

Thats it for now... I might add more to this later.