Summary: Choi Byeol spent her entire life being the perfect daughter, even if those days withered her away into nothing. Until her perfect plan was sent into a spiral after being unwillingly paired with her enigmatic classmate Jeong Yunho.
"See you soon, starshine." He grinned before zooming away like he was Peter Pan, disappearing with the wind.
Pairing: Jeong Yunho / fem!OC
Genre: Angst with comfort, friends to lovers, slow burn.
Warnings: Heavy angst, mental health issues. Mentions of self harm (Will be added as the story progresses)
(A/N: this is the first fic I'm uploading here, it is a series but I'm unsure of whether I'll continue it or not as of yet, I hope you'll enjoy :) )
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When she sat on the motorbike, finally giving up at his insistence, she made sure to sit as far as it would allow. If he noticed, her direct refusal to touch him, he didn't say anything.
Jeong Yunho was an enigma. To someone like herself there was no explaining the man he is. He was laid back, carefree and kind to everyone he met. Though he was also the every college bad boy stereotypical biker. In comparison to her upstrung, aloof and cold personality, Jeong Yunho is the type of guy she stayed away from.
Except she was now on his bike.
He started driving slowly, the full coverage helmet he donned hiding whatever he was thinking about this situation. What he thought of the way she sat tensely on his bike, their borrowed library books in her hands, seconds away from falling off the bike should he start speeding.
Which, he in fact did, and he drove past her home.
Now was the time to start yelling for help. Or tell him to stop. But she couldn't bring herself to. As if in response to her reaction, or lack thereof, he started going faster.
The wind whizzed around them, messing up her carefully pinned up hair, something about the way the stars glimmered in the night sky, and the lights vehicles in front joining the twinkling, made her heart start pounding. Fear?... No, this was something else. Excitement, she decided.
With every second that passed he went faster and faster. A ghost of a smile dancing on her lips, laughter threatened to bubble out of her lungs. She knew that one bump would send her flying off the bike but she couldn't bring herself to care. For once in her life, she felt free.
To her surprise Yunho suddenly pulled over, stopping at the sideway. When they came to a stop, he got off the bike, pulling off his helmet.
He looked at her surprised, but it lasted only a moment. Smiling softly, he placed the helmet on her head, adjusting it to fit her as well as it could. Then he took the books and placed them on the seat between her legs. Before he got back on, he seemed to hesitate before saying while gently taking her hands,
"Byeol... It's fun and all, but I want you to wear the helmet and hold on to me. You need to get closer too. I don't want you falling off, okay?" Without letting her respond, he got on. She thanked the helmet for hiding her face, cheeks burning in a way she had never reacted before. Byeol knew that he was waiting for her to respond through her actions.
So before the adrenaline in her veins goes away, she closed the distance between them, the books acting as a barrier, her legs touching his. She opted to gently, barely, wrap her arms around her waist after noting that his shoulders were far too tall for it to be comfortable.
He smiled, visible to her in the mirror, before taking off without warning.
The world blurred into a Van Gogh painting when she finally let herself go, her laugh ringing alongside the whistling of the wind. She didn't notice the way Yunho occasionally glanced over to her.
At a bump she instinctively tightened her arms around him, realising her mistake she was about to loosen her arms when he gently touched her arm as if to tell her to stay. So she stayed. She let the illusion keep going.
The euphoric daze lasted until yunho came to stop and gently tapped her on the arm, whispering that she was home, he got off first, taking the books between them before helping her off the bike. He helped her take the helmet off, her rosy cheeks and messy hair finally visible to him. He smiled satisfied before he handed the books to her.
Byeol could still feel her heart pounding, finding herself unable to look him in the eye, she bowed, bidding him goodbye. "See you soon, starshine." He grinned before zooming away like he was Peter Pan, disappearing with the wind.
She didn't know that she hadn't stopped smiling even as she went inside. Thinking about how this happened was a job for tomorrow Byeol.
It was another day of boring lectures, of boring routine, of her boring life. She'd planned out every instance of her entire life, down to when she wants to get married, for what? Because if she weren't perfect she was nothing. At least that's what mother drilled into her head. Even though it's been years since she passed, a little voice in the back of her mind taunted her every time she stepped out of line.
So there she was, the perfect little daughter sitting in the front row of her quantum mechanics lecture, trying to pay attention when he stumbled into class. Half an hour late.
Why Jeong Yunho of all people would take astrophysics she doesn't know. He's definitely not stupid academically if he got into the programme. But she cannot explain for her life why he acted the way he did. Barely coming to class, If he showed up he was late, and worst of all, he was a flirt. So when he sat behind her next to who was known as the prettiest girl in the class, she knew there was no concentrating anymore.
The lecturer sighed, used to Yunho's antics, continuing the lecture. Byeol wanted to either stab herself or Mr. Suave himself, as he flirted with Kim Haera, the two of them giggling and whispering sweet nothings to each other.
She was just about to turn around and ask them to shut the fuck up when Mr. Park cleared his throat getting the class's attention back on him.
"I wanted to inform you that starting next week you should start working on your final assignment of this module. It is a presentation which you will do in pairs to your theory of choice. No, you will not get to choose the pairs, I have chosen for you." The class collectively groaned, Byeol sighed in relief, not having the courage to go ask anyone to pair up with her.
Mr. Park started calling out the names of the pairs, and for the most part she zoned them out, until...
"Jeong Yunho... Hmm, Mr. Jeong, you are with, Choi Byeol. Understood, miss Byeol, mister Jeong?"
She froze, unable to answer. She was supposed to work with him? Of all people?
Yunho tapped the back of her chair forcing her to turn around. He gave her one of his easy smiles, handing her a piece of paper. "Looking forward to it." He whispered. Before she could compute what just happened nor respond to it, he went right back to flirting with Haera.
Turning back in her seat, she opened the piece of paper to find Yunho's number and a note which said, 'meet me at the library :)'.
For the most part, Yunho was quite a breeze to work with. He was diligent in doing his part, working with an ease she would never have. He even helped her when she struggled with parts of it. Which made her wonder...
"Why are you wasting your potential?" The question was out of her mouth before she could stop herself, slapping a hand against her mouth, regret filling her blood.
Yunho looked like he was punched, but he quickly morphed it into a strained smile. "Uh... I don't know-" he started,
"I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I think it's best to finish up for now, I'll just go home." She interrupted, immediately throwing her things into her bag.
Yunho tried to protest, as she tried to flee, following behind as she borrowed the books and headed out as soon it was over.
"Hey wait! At least let me drop you home!" He called jogging after her, she tried walking even faster, but she most certainly underestimated his long legs considering he grabbed her arms stopping her.
"Let me drop you home." He panted, hand still on her arm. Byeol shrugged it off, an unknown fire sparking where his fingers had been. 'Fraternising with boys? Your rival classmate at that?' her mother's voice sneered in her head.
"No thank you, it's alright. I'll walk." She replied curtly, refusing to meet his eyes.
Jeong Yunho refused to give up.
"It's late. It's not safe out here." He prodded, following her as she continued her strides, not even in the direction of her home, just hoping to get away from this situation. Her mother's voice taunting her.
The next morning, Byeol awoke with nothing but regret in her system. Clearly, WHAT was she thinking?? She went against every single moral, ethical and systematic code she had in place to make sure she didn't set a toe astray and yet, one look from the notorious flirt of her college and she went on a ride with him in the middle of the night??
Not to mention she insulted him to his face, and he took her on a ride as if he was the one that needed to apologize?? Jeong Yunho certainly was an enigma but she, Choi Byeol was an idiot. A raging hormonal idiot because nothing but her being in the ovulatory phase of her periods could explain this... this... ATTRACTION to Yunho. She tugged at her hair, letting out a strangled scream. She needs to get herself together. Whatever happens with Yunho from this moment forward needs to be strictly professional or so help her, she will eat her sock.
She's eating her socks alright.
The moment she stepped into the lecture hall she felt something wasn't quite right. Next to her usual seat, which remained empty considering no one wants to sit next to the 'stuck up', 'self righteous' bitch of the class, on time, actually in class with books to take notes on, was, Jeong Yunho himself...
Speak of the devil and he shall appear...
Byeol was about to turn and run out of this fever dream hellscape, when the devil himself called out with the vigour of an energetic puppy.
"Hii Byeol!! Come sit!" He excitedly pat her seat, earning the attention of everyone in the hall. Because why was THE Yunho, talking to the likes of her.
It's not like she could avoid him either, it was just her luck that Mr. Park arrived just as Yunho began to enthusiastically wave her over to her seat, earning a double take from the lecturer as well because the man with the worst track record in the history of his lectures. Unbeknownst to both Yunho and Byeol, Park Seonghwa thanked the stars that his idea to put both of them together worked like a charm.
The troublemaker Yunho got someone to motivate him and the wallflower Byeol got someone to bring her out of her shell. This plan was going to go splendidly.
Byeol sat next to Yunho, planning to ignore him for the rest of the class despite the heart palpitations threatening to send her into a spiral when he put an arm around her shoulder.
'You, are being a very bad girl.' her mother crooned in delight, finding joy in the fact that she would be punished after this. Her skin ran cold at the thought. Her mother would kill her tonight. For being this close to a boy. She shivered at the thought.
The weight of something warm and heavy interrupted her thought process. Her senses were suddenly filled with the warm scent on Yunho, if she were to describe it, it would be motor oil, vanilla and bad decisions. She glanced at him confused, as to why he placed his leather jacket around her shoulders. He smiled softly at her, leaning into whisper. "You looked cold. Keep it on."
If she hadn't lost her mind before, she was certainly going to now.
Before she could spiral further, she heard a scoff from behind them. Yunho doesn't seem to notice, as byeol glanced over to see a glaring Haera. She gave her an ugly look, mouthing to leave her Yunho alone.
You can have him, she thought, annoyed. She knew this was exactly the kind of thing that would happen if they were to interact. She didn't want this kind of attention. Not from him, not from anyone.
Unable to concentrate on the lecture she counted down the seconds to the end of the lecture. The moment Mr Park announced that class was over, she bolted.
"Byeol wait up!" Yunho called, following her. She wanted to walk away faster but there were a bunch of people blocking her way.
"Hey, wanna have lunch together?" He asked, throwing an arm around her, his height causing it to be quite a comical scene to those witnessing the top one unlikely event to happen.
She pushed him off, strengthening her resolve to set things straight between them.
"Mr jeong. Let me make this clear. I'm not your friend, I never will be."
The hurt look on his face was almost enough for her to take back her words. But the hundred of eyes burning every inch of her made her realise it was for the best. Yunho was not someone she could be friends with.
With that she turned and ran out of the university, wishing she was someone other than herself.
She should've realised that he was a force to be reckoned with.
The next day he was next to her seat again. Thankfully, Mr park had not arrived yet so Byeol went and sat at the furthest unoccupied seat she found without sparing him another glance.
Though they conversed on text about the project, she made sure to shut down any thoughts or suggestions of them meeting elsewhere again.
She felt suffocated at her home again, the one bedroom apartment nearby the university was not exactly, in livable condition, but considering she didn't earn much and had no one else to turn to, this was the only way. The icing on the cake however was when the power went out, shutting her laptop that was on charge down with it, erasing every bit of the assignment she had just been working on.
Reluctantly, she texted Yunho knowing that he deserves to know about this predicament.
'Mr. Jeong, the power in my place went out, my work got erased, my apologies. I will finish it again as soon as possible.' she hit send, sighing in the dark, claustrophobic room.
'If you had listened to me you wouldn't be in this condition stupid girl', her mother whispered in her head. She could almost swear she could see her, sitting on the bed with the cane in her hands.
"I did nothing but listen to you." She choked out, burying her head in her hands.
'talking back? Clearly you haven't listened enough. Punish yourself before I do it for you.' she sneered. Byeol quickly rooted around her desk drawer until she found the matches she stored in the desk. Rolling her sleeves, she lit one, but just as she was about to bring the flame to her skin, her phone pinged.
She snapped out of her daze. Reminding herself that her mother was no longer here. Byeol grabbed the phone to find yunho's reply.
'its alright, why don't you come down to the library? I'll help you fix it ;)'
She couldn't understand why he would still be nice to her. She had been ignoring him for the past week, pretending he doesn't exist unless he asked about the assignment. She offered him no explanation for her cold shoulder after having taken advantage of his nice ways, and yet, he continued to try and become her friend.
She felt the tears on her cheeks, unable to stop the flood once it started. Crying she stared at the phone unable to reply, unable to even think.
Almost as if he knew, Yunho called her.
She stared at the phone wide eyed. Why was he calling her?? She didn't know what to do. But almost by instinct, she picked up the call, pressing the phone to get ear.
"Hi, Byeol?" He sounded nervous. She almost laughed. However, what came out was a sob.
"Shit, uh, hey, it's ok. We can fix this. Don't worry okay, I'll help you. We can do this." He's rambling now. And she's laughing. But once she started laughing, she started crying.
She knew he was panicking but she couldn't do anything to stop it. Next thing she knew, he had announced that he was coming over and she couldn't bring herself to refuse.
In the darkness she sat, haunted by the evil that is her mother, but perhaps Jeong Yunho was the light that she needed to make her way out of the cage she'd been locked in.
Yunho arrived with his arms covered in shopping bags.
"I didn't know what you liked, and I brought tools." He muttered sheepishly as Byeol let him in. She didn't quite know what to think of the man she had been ignoring for the past week. Not to mention what he would think of her, in her ink stained clothes, messy hair and tear stained cheeks. Thankfully the darkness hid everything for now.
Yunho stepped into her home, carefully kicking off his shoes next to hers, there was something incredibly domestic about the way he casually made himself at home at her tiny apartment they had her equal parts absolutely thrilled and flustered at the same time.
"Sorry for the mess," she muttered, wincing at how scratchy her voice was, he seems to have caught on to that too as he immediately dropped the bags to the floor, grabbed her by the shoulders and made her sit on the bed.
The moonlight from the little window by her desk was the only illumination in the room, basking them in a soft glow. Yunho's face was close to hers as he seemed to take in her dishevelled state, reaching over and brushing a few strands of stray hair out of her face.
"Just sit tight okay, let me take care of this." He whispered softly, unable to look away from him, Byeol nodded. Smiling he got up and got to work.
It turns out, it was only her apartment that had lost power, the fuse breaking due to the fact that, her laptop charger had overheated. Which just meant that while she may have saved her apartment, her laptop and all her college work? Definitely fucked.
She sighed quietly as Yunho flitted around, messing with her circuit board doing the stars know what, until the lights in the room suddenly blinked on. He let out a whoop of victory, shimmying a little before twisting toward her doing the jazz hands, "tadaaa, let there be light!"
Byeol couldn't help but laugh at his silly antics, a little part of her wondering if this was what life was like with people who care about her.
He walked over to her with another shopping bag, pulling out a bag wet wipes, kneeling next to her, gently wiping away the tear stains on her cheeks.
"Wanna tell me what's really going on?"
She glanced at him, biting down in her lower lip, panic spiking.
"You don't have to if you don't want to, I just want you to know you don't have to do this alone." He was looking at the fading scars on her arms, but to her surprise there was no judgement towards her at all. In fact, his eyes were glassy with tears.
"I.. I can't talk about it right now." She managed, tearing her eyes away from him, unable to believe that someone like Jeong Yunho would cry over her.
"That's alright, you can when you are ready. I'm here. I'm your friend. I promise." He squeezed her hands softly.
Byeol could feel him breaking the wall she built around her heart brick by brick, sure it may not completely come down tonight, but he was slowly making his way in and she found herself letting him.
She just hopes that he wouldn't leave her, like everyone else did. Though if he does, it would be inevitable. Because if there was an equation that described her life, it would be that, if Byeol exists, there can be no connection to her. Should a connection be formed, it would be broken in some way to return to it's original state.
But for tonight, she could pretend that whatever this was, it wasn't on a timeline that was following the sands of an hourglass, rapidly flowing towards the other side, indicating the end fast approaching.
And when he took her hand, claiming that slightly melted ice cream is the best treat to make oneself feel better, she pushed the thoughts back into the pit.
Melting ice cream did in fact, taste amazing. And it might have to do with the giant brown eyed darling turned bad boy of her college, sitting across from her shovelling a giant spoonful into his mouth after pretending to feed her, only to be hit with the karma of brain freeze. She laughed like she had never before in her life.
Jeong Yunho had a way of making her feel free.
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