tinygreyhouse

Sometimes I get nostalgic and remember times that were "more". I was more free, more skinny, more energized, more on fire for God, more, more, more. I think it's a trick though. Our minds tell us that our lives used to be so much better, or that the future will be so much better when fill in the blank happens. I think our goal should be more present minded.

I think social media has spiraled out of control. All we do is scroll and compare ourself to others, even if we are not actively doing it. Coveting other's lives becomes a habit. Even if someone just posts a picture of a cookie or the sunset, I am wishing I was in their shoes experiencing that thing.

This is not healthy, nor should it be the regular occurrence.

Things get weird when I don't look right in front of me at my own life, but am constantly focused on other's experiences and not my own. Just being still and quiet with my own thoughts has become a distant thing in my day to day, as I am always listening to a podcast, watching TV, or on my phone.

This has affected my spiritual life as well as I don't take the time to just be quiet, spending time with the Lord in prayer. The things that make me who I am at my core have been put on hold time and time again, not being developed but instead being shoved to the side for me to just fill my brain with meaningless things.

Settling into this new year, I begin to think about the last year of my life. It went by so fast. I did so many things, but I also feel like I didn’t take the time as moments, but as chunks. I have been going from one thing to the next and not allowing myself to reflect or meditate on the things that matter. My soul is thirsty for the Lord and his peace, his joy, his grace, his knowledge, his wisdom. I long to linger in the sunshine with the cool breeze on my cheeks and the leaves rustling around me. Having meaningful conversations with friends and actually listening and not being pulled away by our own thoughts or the buzz of our phones. 

I know it’s only January and we have a long year ahead yet, but while thinking of my word for the year I think about being intentional. What if I actually lived in my heart and mind and soul instead of numbing myself to the things that matter and giving in to laziness. I have poetry, encouragement, hope that spring forth from my heart and floats away into the empty nothingness because I do not do anything with it. These things ought to be precious and developed, rather than pushed aside by things that simply do not matter. So I’m trying to think of that word, the word that encompasses all of this; reflection, consideration, contemplation, pondering, wondering. 

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”