i’m not afraid to die

just afraid of perpetuity

beyond the traffic lights

the imagery is sobering

a hardened yellow eye

billboard autonomy war

streets of signs to glorify

those worthy of the lord

it’s an argument inside

a dead dog under skin

all bark and gentle bite

i follow it down again

any movement in spite

harvested and secured

in a black hole appetite

from a mothers womb

emerged an angry thing

jaw clenched, soundless

a boy with no expression

one part of a whole, a girl

his less connected half

attached to another world

unwilling to compromise

the mother felt devastated

but accepted the separation

withheld a life never realized

and lived amongst absence

the boy never outgrew his

blank stare, tight teeth

mute tendencies

he would wind his fists

in his need to create chaos

for two

the mother scrutinized

habitually, watched deeply

the boy under glass

her animal with two heads

looking for someone familiar

only to be left disappointed

in the face peering back

the mother could not hide her

wishful thinking

the boy could not hide his rage

in his moments of solitude

the boy sat in yellow daylight

pondering the feeling

of something unaccounted for

every now and then

he twisted his neck around

hoping to catch a glimpse

of a second shadow

prodding in the distance

my body folding inward

at the idea of an exchange

a swift change in altitude

deflating both lungs slowly

such gradual movements

keep me breathlessly engaged

what a way to go

what an uncanny sensation

the cognizance of a face

never willfully revealed

concealed behind a mask

i pretend not to notice

as tough skin grows thin

dripping down my spine

stumbling around in pursuit

of an inexorable apparition

in demand and

deliciously sinful

desperate to feel

the touch of your

darkness

my maniacal muse

you were made for me

undeniably

brought to my knees

in absolute weakness

or wallowing need

i will belong to you

in every sordid reality

and every distasteful

fantasy your mind

the piano is out of tune

i play until my fingers ache

just to feel my mind move

the synthetic ivory

to remember the way sound

once changed me

mediocrity or meaning

every indifference ages me

like christmas in july

i make excuses to seek the

childlike joy, the reason

for creative celebration

once excitable and ablaze

small wildfires of my heart

lay at rest within me now

in watered down memory

baby grand keys and carols

may not resurrect them

the containment

growing in senseless direction

expanding until out of reach

now i only see the footprints

of your constant departure

the hurried movement

of a tireless entity

i remember when time stood

the soft lid of your head tipped

until it dripped permanent ink

when my eyes started to close

you were there

painting the walls in small font

a vision of forgotten languages

once mesmerizing in moonlight

only to find myself

chained to an oak desk

in sleep, the lake hums

sounds of opulence

the lure of a fair death

i find myself reaching

scrawling poems now

in a foreign language

stuck to my teeth

i forget where i am

when the words leave

an empty pen in hand

empty arms, only the

taste of water hemlock

wet socks, ankle deep

on a clouded morning

it’s harmful sinking here

seeping into the earth