tiny goals, tiny dreams

Follow-up: Oh my, that was a long day! I managed to go to the hospital and for a run, which is quite the achievement!

to-do:

reply to my research coordinator about statistical programme

2-hours of LEK questions practice (did 70 mins)

2 hours session for my internal medicine courses + 1 psychiatry topic

finish the psychiatry topic from 2 days ago

2 hours of peads lecture

3 hours for data gathering in the hospital

go for a run

to-do:

reply to Kubra's letter

reply to my research coordinator about statistical programme

2-hours of LEK questions practice (did 70 minutes)

2 hours session for my internal medicine courses + 1 psychiatry topic

finish the psychiatry topic from yesterday

2 hours of peads lecture (I completed the lecture yaay!)

go for a run? - gave up on that - I will go tomorrow

make dinner

10k steps

EDIT: Oh man, it didn't go as planned ;_; I was so sore after yesterday's run that I had a problem with sitting down. It wasn't so bad in the morning surprisingly, but got much worse with time. But it's alright because I will slowly keep improving and doing more (hopefully).

to-do:

create a to-do for today + I woke up early again ^^

reply to Kubra's letter (I prepared the most part of the letter, but still need to look for the book suggestions)

wash my hair

2-hours of LEK questions practice

2 hours session for my internal medicine courses + 1 psychiatry topic (started the topic from psychiatry, but didn't finish)

2 hours of peads lecture

3 hours for data gathering in the hospital

10k steps

Hi! It's been a long time. It was filled with many happy and sad moments, feels very bittersweet now... I finished my 5th year of med school and will be starting final year in October! I still can't quite believe it... Something I always wanted and longed for is finally within my reach.

This year so far showed me sooooo many things I need to work on. 😅I feel like I grew stronger and more mature. I faced a lot of things that I've feared. Now I don't wanna talk too much.. but just take action. For a long time I don't think I've felt such clarity.

So I am back for good now. I want to strive again. 46 days to LEK, 332 days to graduation - here I come!

Thank you @yeppennydoodles for making such a meaningful art 💙

Hia! I didn't upload again for 2 weeks... I don't even know where this time disappeared. I have to admit, that for some longer time I am not really feeling okay. I am burntout and it's time to admit it. I struggle with my private life and relationship and I also find university extremely disappointing... I tried to take a break after my exams were done but to be honest I didn't feel fully rested and at the same time regretted doing just so little. But there is nothing I can do - it's just 3 months until 99% of classes are over. Is there any logic to take the semester off? What would my environment say?

I compare myself a lot to my peers who seem to have everything together, some are working and studying and somehow they manage it all. I know that I am privileged because I can focus only on studies, but lately even just that is difficult.

I think the fact that I don't feel like I have control over my life is what leads me to getting even worse and not updating here. I hate it when there are days when I don't do anything important (like yesterday) and still - the clock is ticking and deadlines approaching. The weekends should be the time where I catch up on the things that I didn't do... But unfortunately I waste them on being unproductive and feeling unwell.

It's hard to even decide and post my goals here, knowing that I may not be able to accomplish even a part of it... Nothing seems to bring me joy lately, but that's alright. Even when I am sad and heartbroken, life will not stop for me.

Lately I realise the hard way that I can only take care of myself - myself. I cannot expect people who don't understand me to actually care for me. Nobody knows how bad it is and what I am going through, so I have to try to get myself together. Only with my own hard work and dedication I can try to change my circumstances.

I want to finish whole LEK pulmonology 1st presentation (222 pages) and do some neuro reading, which I need for my exam (D-17). Wish me luck!

Hello! Today is Sunday, the day when my first peadiatric emergency shift is! That means I won't be able to study much for my goals today, especially that I promised one friend that I will prepare pharmacology materials for her and other people who didn't pass the ratake. It will be my most important goal for today - I want to get it done and out of the picture.

Here are my goals for today:

finish part 1 of LEK emergency med presentation

prepare the pharmacology materials for friends

do daily neurology reading - read like even 10 pages to make it less difficult to catch up next days

do daily anesthesiology reading (just do the daily reading)

do 10-mins Japanese Duolingo

15 mins digital decluttering

15 mins flat cleaning

oral higiene (morning + evening)

daily fitness goal - close the loop!

Hello again! For the context: this week I had emergency medicine rotation and I planned more intense studying for LEK (the final med school exam) which I wasn't really able to complete. Because of that I will try to use my free days to catch up on that material.

Here are my goals for today:

write and submit abstract for May confrence

finish part 1 of LEK emergency med presentation

start part 2 of LEK emergency med presentation

do daily neurology reading (60 pages since I try to catch up on that) → I adjusted my plan so I don't need to try to really do the impossible and now with being more than one week ahead of the exam it's 42 pages daily, which I completed reading half today

do daily anesthesiology reading (I need to catch up on it as well, idk how much I will be able to do)

go for a walk

wash the floors and clean the flat (since we are more likely baby-sitting a doggo today)

go to the gym at the end of the day

do 10-mins Japanese Duolingo

15 mins digital decluttering

15 mins flat cleaning

oral higiene (morning + evening)

daily fitness goal - close the loop!

submit abstract in the conference form

I will change things up a bit today, and I will edit this post at the end of the day with the screenshot from my Excel with completed tasks ^^ Wish me good luck with completing lots of work today!

Summary of the day: The day wasn't the most productive, I also had to skip gym and going for a walk cause my partner made 'checking out the food that needs to be eaten' into full cleaning/decluttering of 3/4 of our kitchen. I was a little bit upset with that. We were babysitting a doggo yesterday and it also took a lot of time and attention. I studied/worked for 6:30 hours yesterday. Overall the day was 6/10.

Hi everyone!

I was gone for the entire month and I didn't expect that it would happen. I had many exams and duties during that time, which totally crushed me. During my semester break I already was going through a burnt out crisis - didn't do much but also didn't rest at all. I knew that I won't be able to post here, cause guilt was hitting me a little bit too much. It usually happens to me, when the task is too overwhelming.

I accomplished a lot, while I was gone:

passed all my exams: laryngology, forensic medicine

passed pharmacology retake, which was rather on the harder side (many people failed)

finished neurology rotation with a nice exam option

presented my case on rheumatology conference

prepared for presenting my tuberculosis case from infectious diseases (keep your fingers crossed, results on 10th of April)

got new cases to present from rheumatology and my article is in the making!

finished chosing a dedicated moderator for my study room!

Now I feel like my life is a little bit more peaceful and I can finally focus more on my studies, in the way that I wanted to.

I also wanted to review my month in terms of goals I set 1 month ago (which I am sure it won't be much progress).

I didn't increase my calorie goal as I planned - I think I increased to 240 kcal activity around a week ago. I didn't reach my activity goal for 22 days since 15th of Feb till today. There where days where I almost closed the circle but somehow I didn't have the motivation to be a little bit more active at the end of the day. I want to keep this 240 kcal goal until the end of March and then I will again try to increase by 10 every 2 weeks (but I need to stick with closing the circle)

since 15th of Feb I was in the gym 3 times, if things will go alright I should be able to go 5 times this month (which is already such an improvement, since I was there twice in Feb)

Hmm with Duolingo I did keep my streak, but I defo didn't spend 10 minutes everyday and I also didn't mark that habit. I also think about whether learning Hindi has any sense since my friends tell me that it's not worth it and Duo Hindi is pretty bad. I will try to continue my 10 mins daily Japanese Duo and think about what to do with Hindi.

I didn't do meditation, or the cleaning and decluttering 15-mins routines - there are probably days when I did clean, but I didn't really pay attention to that.

I also didn't take almost any picture, since the level of stress was too high and I limited going out a lot. I streamed on Twitch once but then I was busy with exams and I found it distracting. I want to start doing daily updates here again and also plan a few streams (like 1 per week) so that I can build up my skill and be more regular

Unfortunately I didn't really read any non-medical book or didn't even start and at the same time I didn't explore more nature. I also didn't go out with my bf...

I still want to continue with the goals I set for myself last month, the lesson that I am getting from this month is that when exams are coming my other goals are pushed aside and I tend to feel really overwhelmed and stressed, to the point when I can't really tame my emotions. I still did succeed in academic life, so that's alright, but I want to prioritise myself more.

The weather is getting warmer and sunnier, so the motivation to go outside is getting bigger as well! I hope I will be able to move more and eat more healthily. I also want to focus more on reducing the amount of processed food that I consume and be more mindful about eating in general.

To summarise - my goals for the next month are:

go to the gym 8 times (in April) and go 5 times in March (I already went 1 so far) [make sure I plan in my calendar when I go, so it's more likely that I move my butt]

keep completing my daily step goals (increase on 1st and 15th of April)

Duo Japanese for 10 mins daily

add the number of hours I studies to the daily recap

start meditating again

daily 15 mins of cleaning at the end of the day

daily 15 mins of digital cleaning

add more pictures to my recaps (try to start with one per day)

stream at least 1 time per week

read a non-medical book for 30 mins - let's try once per week during the weekend

try to explore nature - go for a dedicated trip once per 2 weeks

publish my infectious diseases article

go on 2 outside dates with my boyfriend (already planned 1 outing to the theathre!)

take better care of my oral higiene

make significant progress with my other scientific papers:

publish my infectious diseases tuberculosis case (or prepare everything if I get chosen for the conference)

prepare a paper for the second infectious diseases case

prepare a good draft of the article about APS

apply for this years scientific conferences (in the making)

focus on my LEK exam daily prep

complete my daily neuro and anesthesio reading every day

I also want to start sharing my goals here again - I will also add screenshot with my completed tasks at the end of the day(I started using Excel with friends for that).

Thanks for reading and see you more regularly from now on! Biee! (≧ω≦)

Hia! Sorry for not updating you yesterday, but my day went a much differently from what I originally planned (￣▽￣)ゞ

I had my visit with ophthalmologist and my pupil was dialeted - I unfortunately didn't feel the best after that. I think the fact that there is snow outside and the sun was shining didn't help me at all haha. I had very intense photophobia. The time right after visit we went to a cafe but I also went to shop for shoes and some clothes (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄) didn't plan for that to happen at all, but I got some nice things which I wanted for a long time, so I finally can dress better and feel better as well. On my way home I started having a strong headache and my boyfriend let me sleep, so I got up after 4 pm <(￣ ﹌ ￣)> As you can imagine it was already really late so I postphoned many of the tasks from yesterday to today.

Unfortunately I also did study plan for the next two weeks and OH BOY. I have so much to do (」°ロ°)」 I want to start being consistent with my daily studies, so we will see how it goes today.

The main task for this week is to cover whole pharmacology material. I have a spinning board with all topics written there so that's what I will do now - spin the wheel and see what subjects I got there... 3...2...1... The choices for today are lipids management and drugs distribution in children! Not bad at all ♡(>ᴗ•) I need to check in what state my notes from those topics are and then keep working on them.

From things that I did yesterday - my glow up challenge tasks (the challenge will start with the beginning of March so I will put the tasks aside for now) and some smol daily goals. I am sad because I didn't really do my Duo the correct way and just kept my streak again. I also didn't finish my fitness goal. After I finish this post I will prepare a habit tracker in Canva to be up to date with how my proggress goes as I miss a visual representation of my goals.

What I want to get done today:

work on infectious diseases case report for 1 hour

declutter the book cabinet behind my desk (already started on that!)

declutter clothes (konmari way)

complete lipids management material from pharm

complete drug distribution in children from pharm

add past papers questions from the pharmacology topics for today to Anki

start adding past paper questions from laryngology to Anki

go through 1 laryngology lecture (as much as I can get done!)

finish first half of 1st forensics lecture (as much as I can get done!)

daily Duo Japanese

daily Duo Hindi

15 mins digital decluttering

15 mins flat cleaning

oral higiene (morning + evening)

daily fitness goal

continue Discord moderators recruitment

go to the gym!

get prescription for my medication and order supplements for me and bf

write an email to the internship coordinator

add psychiatry seminars to the study plan

create a habit tracker for my goals

What I want to get done today:

work on infectious diseases case report for 2 hours

declutter the book cabinet behind my desk

declutter clothes (konmari way)

finish watching the last pharmacology lecture

plan studying the material for my pharmacology retake + laryngology and forensics exams

add all past paper questions from laryngology to Anki

journal for 15 mins at the beginning of the day [glow up challenge]

get pretty at the beginning of the day [glow up challenge]

attend opthalmology visit

reply to 2 Slowly letters

continue Discord moderators recruitment

daily Duo Japanese

daily Duo Hindi

15 mins digital decluttering

15 mins flat cleaning

oral higiene (morning + evening)

daily fitness goal

do laundry

get prescription for my medication and order supplements for me and bf

write an email to the internship coordinator

Hia! I didn't post my daily goals in the morning because we started the day quite late and I knew that I won't study today. I didn't really accomplish anything from my academics, but I had a very active day! We went to the gym in the late morning and then visited the japanese fair with my boyfriend ٩(◕‿◕)۶ ! We ate some delish food and watched some traditional martial arts. I also finally got the long chopsticks that I wanted to buy for some time already. I really enjoyed this day and I feel motivated to tackle tomorrow!

What I accomplished today:

went to gym with bf and had a nice session

went to the japanese fair (which we can count as a smol date!)

reached my daily fitness goal (8k steps)

did Duo Japanese for 10 mins

did Duo Hindi for 10 mins

washed my hair

15 mins digital decluttering (and organising)

15 mins of flat cleaning at the end of the day

oral higine (morning + evening) done!

daily study time: -

I didn't meditate or read a book today, but as I have a visit scheduled for checking my sight tomorrow, I think I will bring a book with me to read after the appointment - I want to have a date at the cafe! (o˘◡˘o) Tomorrow I also want to start doing two main things:

I want to finally start decluttering my flat - it's really long overdue ヾ( ￣O￣)ツ I dream about being able to do a really thorough clean up every quarter but I usually can't find time due to my studies. I am really motivated to go through my entire flat and get rid of everything that disturbs my mental peace. Tomorrow the goal is clothes (ugh) and the book cabinet behind my desk.

I joined a glow up challenge and I will have to do some daily tasks there. I don't know if it will start tomorrow or not but I joined a group where we will be motivating each other! Sounds very promising - the goal is to do some work on myself (my character and taking care of myself). I don't really focus on pampering myself or doing pleasurable things so it will be an interesting experience.

My main focus for tomorrow will be going through laryngology questions (adding past papers to Anki) and organising my studying for the upcoming 2 weeks!

[I didn't take pictures at the fair cause there were too many people and I felt really uncomfortable taking pictures there. You can see my chopsticks instead! (๑˃ᴗ˂)ﻭ]

Hia! The post about new year's resolutions is here!

I've decided that because there is already one month behind me in 2025 I should have a look at my goals and review how it went and what I should add to this list (≧◡≦) ♡ I should have done that at the beginning of February, but ophthalmology exam made it a little bit difficult, so here I am!

So far January has been really hard, especially emotionally. I survived it, with a broken spirit, but here we are - I got away from the bad chain of events by passing the ophtha exam! (★ω★)/

In January I managed to keep track of my daily steps count - there are literally 7 days when my steps count was really low (which compared to previous months is such a great acheivement!) I increased the calories count in the fitness app by 10 - now it's 220 kcal per day. I want to keep it up and increase it by 10 kcal every 2 weeks! I also got a gym pass and tomorrow will be the first day I'm going to go and exercise! I will also try to stick to Wednesdays and Saturdays as my exercise days (´꒳`)♡

I also did a quite okay job with my Duolingo - I've reached 30 days streak yesterday! I just wish I would do both Hindi and Japanese Duo every day, at least for 10 mins each as a break from studying. I kept my streak but I didn't stick with those times that I've set to myself, so that's going to be a focus point for the next month.

I used my phone for stupid things way less - I uninstalled Instagram and the time I spent on my phone is mainly displaying Forest timers, which became my favourite tool for focused studying! Since the update and introduction of focus challenge I got new motivation and I started focusing even better than before, which makes me very happy! (◕‿◕)♡ I also want to add to my daily summary of the day the number of hours that I studied. I might find it encouraging to work more effectively during the day, as I usually feel like the time is running out really quickly and I don't even realise when the day is already ending.

As for meditating - I unfortunately ditched it quite quickly - it never felt like there was a right time for it during the day, and just meditating before bed seems excessive and I don't want to do it just to complete the daily goal. I hope that I will be able to start meditatng again from tomorrow.

I was usually too tired to complete the 15-mins of cleaning at the end of the day and I feel like it's soo needed! It would save me time during the day, especially mornings. During this beginning of the year my space became so cluttered and I totally hate it. This upcoming week I will start cleaning and decluttering my space to feel like I can breathe here again. I also want to add 15-mins of digital cleaning to my list, as it's really hard to keep up with the trash that accumulates on my laptop - especially with so many screenshots I take during notetaking or videos or materials that I download during my studies. I want to spend those 15 mins to clean and organise my digital space.

I also realised that I don't really take much pictures during my daily life (it wasn't on my goal list) so I really want to change it! I want to start adding more pictures to the posts here, so I can look back on them and remember the days more clearly.

I prepared everything to start streaming on Youtube and Twitch starting next week! I am really looking forward to it! I hope I will be able to finally start studying and gaming there and make it my side hustle (>ᴗ•)

I think it will be even harder to add more to this super long list already - the things that are left on my list are: starting to read non-medical books and exploring more nature. The walks I take are usually in the city and sometimes I take different routes (I walk without earphones!) but it's not really giving the nature pill that I wanted. I think I could try to introduce both of those goals once per week on the weekends. I could start with during them once per 2 weeks, so that it becomes a bit easier.

As for my music goal, I don't think I'm ready yet. I got some singing opportunity so I hope I will be able to record it and share it here ^^

Oh wow, that turned out to be a very long review! I didn't know I did so much, I am happy with the progress I did and I'm looking forward to making even more effort next month! I will plan the next recap for 15th of March, so i can measure my whole month progress.

To summarise - my goals for the next month are (I will add some that were not mentioned above and are dedicated for this month only):

go to the gym 8 times (that's how many passes per month I got)

keep completing my daily step goals (increase on 24th and 10th)

Duo Japanese for 10 mins daily

Duo Hindi for 10 mins daily

add the number of hours I studies to the daily recap

start meditating again

daily 15 mins of cleaning at the end of the day

daily 15 mins of digital cleaning

add more pictures to my recaps (try to start with one per day)

stream at least 2 times per week

apply for Discord community and chose the moderators for my room

read a non-medical book for 30 mins - let's try once per week during the weekend

try to explore nature - go for a dedicated trip once per 2 weeks

pass pharmacology retake (27th of Feb)

pass ophthalmology exam (6th of March)

pass forensic medicine exam (13th of March)

publish my infectious diseases article

go on 2 outside dates with my boyfriend

take better care of my oral higiene

make significant progress with my other scientific papers

prepare for the conference on 1st of March

apply for this years scientific conferences

The song of this month is definitely Oblivion, which was there with me during the hardship moments

Hie! Sorry for not updating here again (>人<) The two days before my exam I completed all my tasks that I posted in the post before. It was a very hectic time... To be honest I struggled a lot with my exam anxiety - during the exam I felt really sick, my head was hurting and my stomach gave me a burning sensation. After the exam I needed to lay down, cause I felt very bad. But.. I PASSSED! (人◕ω◕)

I didn't even feel happy that day, cause I was pretty overwhelmed. I just was so done with this exam. I wanted to rest, but it was my sister birthday, so I needed to push myself to go to the family dinner. But it was okay and I managed to survive that day.

On Thurday and Friday I let myself rest and let loose completely. I spent the days reading my favourite mangas, watching youtube and spending time with my boyfriend. Our Valentines were spent at home, I had some huge dinner and dessert plans but it didn't go how I wanted (⌒_⌒;) I am not the best cook, but we enjoyed it anyway!

Today I also rested for most of the day, had a slow morning and didn't really do much. I wanted to do some reflecting on my new year's resolutions and put it in the separate post, so that is coming in a moment.

As for the upcoming week, my semester break starts! I am both happy and sad - again, unfortunately I won't be able to have a holiday, because we are too broke to go ._. but on the other hand, maybe it's better - I can catch up on my work, especially LEK preparation which I didn't really do much of (ah I am falling behind so much on it). I also have my second week of neurology rotation after the semester break, so I want to give it my all to be able to get the most out of this rotation! The vicious plan I have is to prepare my Anki flashcards for the exam (that is in May) and get the answers to all the questions that I don't understand. That would also include me going through them, so I hope I will be able to do it!

I am really happy that I finally broke this chain of hardship which was not passing the most important tests or exams so far. I work hard 95% of the days and when things go astray I really doubt myself. I sometimes wonder if I am good enough for this degree. I want to find my place in medicine, but struggling in life and doing the uni is really not compatible.

I hope the future brings mostly successes, as I think I struggled enough in January for at least next 6 months already. The limit of bad events and cried tears is already reached, so no more universe please! Only good energy and positive exepericences (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ:･ﾟ✧

I will be back to posting my to-do list in the morning tomorrow! I really like to do it as it sets the mood for the entire day, however when the grind becomes too much, I struggle to do it. I hope I will make it the habit to post every morning!

Thank you for reading and supporting me and see you back here tomorrow! (´,,•ω•,,)♡

Hia! Oh my lord, today was such a grind day! I come with short summary of the weekend - I did a lot - finished all opthta seminars except for 15 from neuroopthalmology (which is super hard and supper boring). I also prepared all my presentations from rheumatology, sent an email with documents about my next internship, kept up with my Duo and with the walks!

This week I increased my activity by 10 kcal to 220 kcal. I also decided to start waking up at 5 am every day to get extra time for studying in the mornings as I always feel like I don't have enough time!

As for this week - I started neurology rotation, which will be 2 weeks-long (but I have 1 week of the semester break in between). It seems really interensting and really hard at the same time... （／．＼）

As I was discussing the case with my tutor today I realised how little I know about medicine (even though I am soon graduating) but also reflected on how much I've done and how far I've come. It's hard for me to really praise myself sometimes cause I just wanna be better and be the doctor you dream of meeting, but I survive this med school for so many years and still manage to acheive some things in between.

Tomorrow my main focus is studying for optha exam as it's on Wednesday. I really need to pass this exam cause I need to break this chain of negativity that started in November. I will do what I can and pray that it goes well. Failure is not an option anymore. After that I will go buy some shoes as a reward! and plan my upcoming month and studies and everything. Will write a lot about that here!

What I acheived today:

finished prepping for my presentation of rheumatological case about APS

did daily activity/steps - almost 10k!

Duo Japaense for 10 mins

survived neurology

washed my hair

My goals for tomorrow:

wake up at 5 am

give my rheumatology scientific circle presentation

do 3 times Quizlet sets and really practice these questions

set 1 - 314 q

set 2 - 192 q

set 3 - 287 q

do daily steps

do Duo

finish seminar 15 (as a dessert cause I won't be revising that)

Hia! This week was really hard, more than I expected （・□・；）Forensics turned out to be a very interesting specialty that would be something I could consider chosing after graduation. I think this will be my plan B (including double specialty with emergency med).

On top of that I worked hard on creating my case report draft (which I'm going to finish during the weekend) and on completing more and more opthtalmology seminars. Current status is 3,5 to go!

My plan for the weekend is catching up on the things I didn't do for the week and the things I should have done （／．＼）

To-do for the weekend:

finish all ophthalmology seminars (8, 9, 12 and 15)

make a full draft of infectious diseases case report (write discussion, finish writting introduction + translate the case to En)

make a draft of the case from rheumatology! (nothing done so far so I think I will dig it on Sunday)

prepare my case report presentation from rheumatology for the conference (I already presented it once so it should be an easy thing to do, I need to translate it to polish though)

prepare a presentation for the rheumatology + hematology scientific circle that I will be hosting on Tuesday (current status: nothing)

work through all past paper questions from ophthalmology (includes adding to Anki and going through it at least once x))

check out my neurology schedule for the upcoming week and plan out my schedule

do my daily steps on both days of the weekend!

do at least 10 mins of Duo Japanese or Duo Hindi (no matter which one but do 10 mins, not just keep my streak)

reply to an email regarding my uni research project 

prepare and send documents for my next internship!