Liberty.A.Mattisse

I hate that I’m still thinking of him. I hate that I’m constantly questioning whether what we did was non consensual or not. I have no idea if its my feelings for him getting in the way, whether it’s my over sympathetic and forgiving mind. Because he’s not malicious, he doesn’t know what he did from my perspective. He only knows from his perspective. But the point is I did say no so many times and try to push him off. But on the other hand I liked him, I just knew I didn’t want to have sex with him then because it wasn’t right.

When I said no, it should have stopped so I wouldn’t be this confused.

I hate myself and my stupid conflicting mind. I hate that I can’t just be a simple girl. I hate that I’m too much.

Watching black and white T.V.

Thinking all the things I know you think of me

Feel quiet and spent

Just existing on these sheets

Theres just comfort in the silence lingering

Wish that I wrote the way I thought incessantly

Write to the point where words would spiral into nothing

I’d write about you more than I would know

But I can't find words that feel more right than home

But how can I tell what's love and what's a lie

When I’ve been deceived from rag dolls to diamond rings

Cause when I cry I know you’ll come