Back to reality
! ! ! If you are my favorite friend from abroad, read below ! ! !
Tretji dan na slovenskih tleh, pa še kar težko dojemam. Prvi dan sem se že zaradi neprespanosti in zelo zgodnjega avtobusnega odhoda počutila še sploh odmaknjeno od realnosti. In naj ne omenjam tisočerih solza, preteklih eno noč pred odhodom in izpovedi neznancu na avtobusu, kako težko vse to je. Tako, moj semester v inozemstvu je prišel h koncu. Reči, da je bila to edinstvena izkušnja itd., je itak nepotrebno. Moram pa priznati, da si nisem mislila, da se bom v petih mesecih tako zelo navezala na svoje novo življenje v tujini. Sploh v zadnjem mesecu, ko mi zares ni bilo več treba misliti na nič drugega kot na to, kaj novega bomo pa danes počeli in jedli in sem se lahko res samo prepustila in uživala. In ta post-Erasmus depresija se mi je vedno zdela nekoliko v navlako oblečena, ampak žal drži. In tu sem, v novi ljubljanski sobici, s soundtrackom enih zadnjih večerov in z mislimi v Budimpešti.
Dragi semester v Budimpešti, ne morem reči, da si me tako zelo spremenil in vplival na razvoj moje samostojnosti in osebnosti in kako zelo si me pripravil na življenje odraslega človeka. Je pa moja odločitev za odhod v inozemstvo pomenila kar veliko, odločitev za izselitev iz najboljšega stanovanja, ki sem si ga lahko želela, ko sem se ravno da dobro namestila. Iti stran iz najljubšega objema in podati slovo prijateljem in družini. Predstavljajte si ”time of your life” in potem vaša zavestna odločitev, da to prekinete. No, seveda sem se zelo veselila vsega dobrega, kar me čaka in tudi bila malce ”prijetno prestrašena”, da ne bo tako zelo super kot vsem na Erasmus izmenjavi je. Še zmeraj je bilo to prvič, da sem v tujino odšla sama in tam nisem nikogar poznala. Par dni pred odhodom sem odhod skoraj odpovedala in zdaj vem, da bi to bila ena največjih grozot, kar bi si jih lahko naredila. Bilo je pravzaprav veliko naključje, da sem se za Erasmus znašla v Budimpešti, ker mi mednarodna pisarna ni odobrila prve želje. Včasih se sprašujem, če bi bilo tako super, če bi mi. Ampak ne predstavljam si, kako bolj super bi lahko bilo. Konec koncev je vse samo splet naključij, same priložnosti ki se ti ponudijo v življenju in ljudje, ki vstopijo vanj.
V tem času petih mesecev se niti nisem počutila tako zelo, da živim Erasmus življenje, ampak da pač živim v Budimpešti za naslednjih nekaj let. In na trenutke sem se že kar preveč razkomotila in namestila na našem kavču, prenehala odkrivati neskončno število kul stvari, in se začela obnašati kot da je to moj dom za naslednjih nekaj let. Vseeno pa mi je uspelo nabrati kar nekaj stvari za podati kratko statistiko. 4 mesečne vozovnice, en pokvarjen računalnik, dva v celem stanovanju. Približno 20 GB posnetih fotografij. Štiri različne valute v denarnici. Veliko prijaznih nasmehov in spoznanje kako ti tudi tisti narejeni samo iz vljudnosti, lahko polepšajo dan. Nekaj kilogramov kupljenih puloverjev. Nekaj jezikovnih nesporazumov. Približno 15 novih angleških besed in nekaj manj madžarskih. 20 takšnih in drugačnih esejskih oddaj. K sreči nikoli preštete steklenice vina, ki so zapolnile celo shrambo. Veliko novih lokalov, barov, restavracij. Veliko dobrega vina, mesa, hrane. Dva najboljša cimra dveh različnih narodnostih, brez katerih si ne morem predstavljati naslednjega semestra. Skupaj skuhane večerje, 13 različnih začimb in novi sestavljeni recepti. 3 različni obiskani spa-ji. Večeri preživeti v Budimpeških klubih ali pa kar v zavetju našega domačnega stanovanja. En velik kavč, dva manjša fotelja, ter približno 15 povštrov. Dva taxija, prvi za vselitev in drugi za izselitev. Pogruntane linije metrojev, tramov, avtobusov, za ladje je žal zmanjkalo časa (izjemno ponosna sem bila, ko sem se zavedala, kako se je moja orientacija izboljšala in kako hitro znam poiskati najljubše stvari na zemljevidu). Nekaj kupljenega rastlinja, od katerega je samo novoletna smrekica preživela. Veliko objemov, veliko solz sreče in žalosti.
Zadnji teden sem se res trudila, da bi si zapomnila vse svoje občutke, vse skupaj preživete stvari in vse podrobnosti tega semestra. Vsa ta minljivost me straši, da si ne bom morala zapomniti kako lepo je bilo in kako bomo naposled pozabili drug na drugega. Novi ljudje in nove dogodivščine nenehoma vstopajo v našo realnost. In preteklih nekaj mesecev se spominjam skoraj tako kot, da bi bile to le dolge in prijetne sanje. Moja hiba v primerih kot ta pač je, da na slabe stvari pozabim kar hitro in se spominjam samo vsega lepega.
Ena izmed najtežjih stvari, ki sem jo do avgusta 2013 morala narediti, je bilo oditi v Budimpešto. Čeprav sem vedela, da se bom vrnila in spet videla vse svoje ljudi. Vsaj dvakrat težje je bilo 31. Januarja 2014 ob 05:10 odkorakati iz stanovanja, zapustiti sobico in še zadnjič objeti cimre. In seveda pred tem še vse dobre prijatelje, ki so pripomogli k temu, da ob gledanju vseh fotografij moja emocionalnost doseže vrhunec.
Neobjavljenih postov o Budimpešti imam še kar nekaj. Tako, da morda to ne pomeni zadnji post tega bloga (nekako se čutim dolžno povedati o vsem kul in dobrem kar se mi je zgodilo in napisati mega kul vodnik nasvetov). Je pa to zaključek mojega Erasmusa, čeprav zagotovo še ne zadnji obisk Budimpešte. Hvala gospod Erasmus, hvala gospa Budimpešta, dobra sta bila z mano. Hvala vsem domačim, ki so in še zmeraj prenašajo moje emocionalne izpade. Reči adijo v slovo je vedno težko in se tega najbrž ne da naučiti. Zato se ne poslavljam, samo nekaj časa se ne bomo videli. Vedno bodo to moji najljubši inozemski prijatelji.
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The third day on Slovenian land and I still have difficulties to perceive it all. Because of the sleepless night and early bus ride, i felt disconnected with reality even more on the first day. And not even to mention the thousand of tears, past the night before departure and the weird confession to a stranger on a bus, about how difficult it is to leave. So, my semester abroad came to the end. However, it is unnecessary to say what a unique experience, etc. it was. I have to admit, though, I never thought that in five months time I would be so stuck up for this new life abroad and for the people I know for that short time. Especially in the last month when I really no longer needed to think about anything else than what new we have to do and eat today, and I could really just live it and enjoyed it. And this post-Erasmus depression … I always thought about it that is a little bit exaggerated, but unfortunately it is true. And here I am, in my new room in Ljubljana, listening a soundtrack of one of our last evenings and with thoughts somewhere in Budapest.
Dear semester in Budapest, I can not say that you changed me so much and influenced the development of my independence and personality and oh how well did you prepare me for an adult life. But still, my decision to go abroad means a lot; a decision to move out from the best flat I could ever wanted and when I just well accumulated myself. And a decision to go away from the favourite hug and say goodbye to my friends and family. Just imagine the time of your life and then your conscious decision to cancel it. Well, of course I was also very excided about all the good that awaits me, feeling kind a pleasently scared. Still, that was the first time I went abroad alone, where I knew nobody. A few weeks before departure I almost canceled everything, but now I now that this would be one of the greatest tragedies that I could ever do. It was actually a coincidence that I found myself as an Erasmus in Budapest and that international office of my faculty didn’t approve my first Erasmus wish. Sometimes I wondered if it would be so awesome if they would. But I can not imagine how much nicer can it even be. Ultimately, it is all just coincidences, the opportunities that are offered to you in life and people who enter into it.
During those five months, I didn’t feel such an Erasmus spirit all of the time, but simply, leaving a life in Budapest. Sometimes I even got cozy too much and stop discovering all of the new things and started acting like this is my home for a next few years. However, I managed to pick a few things to give a brief statistics. 5 months, 4 monthly tickets, 1 broken computer (actually 2 in the whole apartment). Approximately 20 GB of photos, 4 different currencies in my wallet. Lots of friendly smiles and the realization that even those made only out of politeness, can brighten your day. Some kilos of purchased sweaters. Some linguistic misunderstandings. Approximately 15 new English words and a little bit less Hungarian ones. Thankfully never counted bottled of wine that filled our whole storage room. Many cafes, bars, restaurants. Lots of good wine, meat, food. 2 best flatmates of 2 different nationalities, without which I can not imagine my next semester. Many dinners that we cooked together, many kebabs bought downstairs. 3 different spas visited. Evenings spend in Budapest clubs and bars, or only in our cozy flat. Some study evenings, nights and days. 20 written assignments. 1 big sofa, 2 small armchairs, and about 15 pillows. 2 taxis, the first one for moving in, the second one to moving out. 3 metro lines, many trams, buses, for ships there was no time. Some plants, of which only a Christmas tree survived. Lots of hugs, lots of tears of joy and sadness.
Last week or two, I was really struggling to remember all of the feelings and joy, all of the things spent together and all of the details of this semester. All of this transience scares me, the fact that once I could not remember how beautiful everything was and how we could eventually forget each other. New people and new adventures are constantly entering our reality. And I remember last few months almost as a long and pleasant dream (my flaw in cases like this is, I simply forget about all of the bad, of course, there were some downs, and just remember everything as beautiful).
One of the hardest things that I had to do until the August 2013 was to go to Budapest, although I knew that I will come back and see all of my people again. At least twice as hard was on January 31st at 05:10 am, to walk away from the apartment, leave my little room and for the last time hug my flatmates. And of course, even before to hug all of the good friends who contributed that while watching all of my photos, my emotionality reaches its peak.
I still have a few unpublished posts about my Budapest. So that post not necessarily means the total end of my blog (I still feel somehow obliged to tell you about all of the cool and good that happened to me and to write mega cool guide tips). However, it is the end of my Erasmus, though certainly not the last visit of Budapest. Thank you Mr Erasmus, thank you Ms Budapest, you have been good to me. Thank you all of my people back at home, who are still tolerating my emotional breakdowns. Thank you all of my new friends who are guilty of those breakdowns. Thank you for unrepeatable semester. Don’t worry, I’ll come to visit, you are all invited to visit me too. Saying goodbye it is never easy and I guess you can’t realy learn how to do it. Therefore this is not saying goodbye, we just wont see each other for some time. You will always be my favourite friends from abroad.
Love,
Tina










