Time Limit Draw

Eddie Kingston’s got some nicknames, doesn’t he?

“God’s Middle Child.”

“The Last of a Dying Breed.”

And of course “The War King.”

You are the first-ever CHIKARA Grand Champion, and maybe the hardest-hitter in all of professional wrestling. I’ve witnessed you emerge victorious against many a great warrior, in many a war.

However, when we were in your hometown of the Bronx, with your entire family front and center, I punched a hole through your face. I pinned you straight-up, mano a mano. Fist-first, I handed you a clean loss, as your cousins and parents fought back tears of shame. The crowd was stunned to see NOT ONLY the sacking of their so-called “king,” Eddie Kingston…they were in utter awe of the coronation of “THE NEW KING OF CHIKARA” Jakob Hammermeier!

I took that title from your grubby mitts in like five seconds. It was a great day for me.

If you ask me, I was really doing you a favor, Eddie. I mean seriously, the first time I heard you call yourself “The War King” I immediately thought, “Not mein king. No way.”

Here is quick list of some things you lack as a so called “king”:

1) No Minions: I mean honestly Eddie…to whom are you a king? I have people from all over the world practically kicking down the custom oak (yeah, I sprung for oak) doors at the BDK’s Castle of Fear. I had droves of them at King of Trios lined up BEGGING for them to be mein minions. DROVES!

2) No Throne: every reputable king has a throne to ponder his royal thoughts. Try to keep up, part-nah.

3) No Crown: I don’t remember seeing bandanas tied like Tupac being passed off as crowns back in King Louis’ day. No sir.

You have no respect for true royalty. You’re a street thug. You’re no more a King than I am a Hammer. This isn’t Aladdin. You can’t just rub a dirty lamp, wish you were a king, and have everyone bow at your feet. You got to earn it, just as I did in your hometown of El Bronx.

If you expect that I will sully myself, sharing the ring with you again, just to humor your latest temper tantrum, think again. I have minions to take out mein trash.

HAIL HAMMERMEIER!

KENNY OMEGA