TIME STOPS ON STAGE

That night we were sworn to secrecy. We weren't allowed to take pictures or videos of practice, couldn't post about it on social media or tell anyone. I completely understood, I mean if word got out it might not only ruin the surprise but could endanger the boys' safety. Fans can be terrifying and if everyone knew where they would be in the city it would be game over. They would never come back to perform here. But keeping that secret was the hardest thing I've ever done. Definitely after that first practice I was beyond hyped and dedicated to making this the perfect surprise present for them.

Practices continued almost daily and we were all having a blast together. We filmed and took pictures, all of which we had to send to Mnet, they had complete copyright over this. But eventually Thursday rolled around. Thursday was the night that Mnet was coming to watch and record our practice. They had to of course we were meeting their expectations and that it was all on point and what not. But I was so nervous! There were three of them, they all introduced themselves, sat down and we just started like right away. I've danced my entire life, when I'm performing is when my anxieties clear and I'm finally able to be confident. Nothing has ever bothered me before while performing, besides maybe like nervousness during an audition. But wow, in front of Mnet I was hella shaking. I think I did well, and they were all so happy with our performance at the end. But then....they wanted us to do it again, to get additional footage. I wasn't sure I had a second round left in me. Made it through that though, Mnet pulled our choreographer away after for an interview and then I had practice right after that with my actual team. Let me tell you, learning choreo when all you can think about is seeing B1A4 the next day....I could not concentrate. I got a headache and kept sitting down. Our Leader also had practice with me and the two of us were just on the sides dying. We eventually gave up learning the choreo, we weren't in the right state of mind for that.

FINALLY D-DAY ARRIVED. Friday. I had work 9am-3pm and had basically not slept all night cause practice ended at midnight and by the time I got home my brain was just non stop B1A4 and so kept me up all night. I stopped by a coffee shop on my way to work, grabbed a coffee and a pastry. I drank the coffee but I couldn't bring myself to eat. I felt like I was going to throw up. Little did I know that that awful feeling was going to stay with me for days after. My lunch break arrived, I still couldn't eat. In fact I almost threw up in my work's break room. I brought my pastry to SF with me after work thinking I'd eat it at the studio, but I forgot it in my car and it was a good twenty five minute walk from the studio so I couldn't go back to get it. I stopped at a nearby club that has a pizza/bar thing open even before club hours. So I got a croissant there. Got to the studio and managed half of it before I was too sick for another bite. Fast forward to us walking from the studio to the location for the flashmob, I was getting dizzy and almost threw up there too. I eventually had to stop talking to everyone and just walked in anxious silence trying so hard to keep it together. In case it's not obvious, I was a  nervous wreck.

We all got to the location between 5 and 5:30. B1A4 was supposed to show up at 6. So it's a flashmob, we were all supposed to spread out and pretend like we didn't all know each other and stuff. We took pictures pretending to be tourists, sat down and watched the local skaters fall doing tricks, but I couldn't sit still. As you can guess, I was still nauseous and it was only getting worse with every passing moment. Finally an Mnet representative showed up like "They're almost here!" Ahhhh!! I was pacing so bad and trying so desperately to distract myself from everything. I had given my phone to someone affiliated with us cause for one thing my costume had no pockets, but I was too nervous with it. So I had no concept of time and eventually asked my friend what time it was, "No wait! Don't tell me." They were supposed to come at six. Just then the clock tower nearby rang out that it was 6pm. And B1A4 wasn't there yet. "Do you know what they're coming in? No wait! I don't wanna know." Oh god, I was watching every car that passed by and looking out for vans and buses. It was awful. Finally the Mnet representative told us they were almost there. And then I saw it. The massive black on black on black van. My heart stopped. I watched them get out of the car and quickly turned away, I was worried about staring. And honestly I was a little scared to look at them, I wasn't sure I could keep it together. When they got closer we took selfies. With them. Well, in the background. 

They vanished for a while, a bit more sight seeing and one of the cameramen came over warning us that B1A4 would probably join in and dance with us and we needed to just keep going and not stop.

When they returned they were filming something so by now everyone around us was watching them, cause I mean, camera crew, it attracts attention fast. So I got to turn and watch them now. They all sat on the stairs, Jinyoung had his guitar and they started singing acoustic. This was how we had staged it. Jinyoung would think he was playing on the streets of downtown SF but then we'd pop up and dance. When our music started playing they all looked up super confused like, what's going on? This is our song....then they saw us. Then they REALLY saw us and they all FLIPPED out. Started shouting and pointing, I swear I've never seen anyone that excited in my entire life. Baro joined us almost immediately. I almost froze. He and Jinyoung are my bias. So having him literally stand in front of me dancing was just too much to handle. But the show must go on!

It was so cute watching them all join in and try to figure out the choreo. We had edited the music so it wasn't all in order so every once in a while B1A4 would be doing something different and then they'd glance back and smoothly transition into whatever we were doing. They danced so effortlessly.

We had all hid our ties, when Lonely came around Baro noticed right away and turned around pointing them out and making sure the other members saw. I hope they were impressed. BUT I HAD A WARDROBE MALFUNCTION. My tie got stuck so you can see me in the video hella lifting my shirt and struggling to get it. Ughhhh after all those hours of practice, I still messed up. But no time to fret! What's Happening was up next! Walking up to front and center with B1A4 RIGHT THERE was nerve wracking. I honestly don't remember if I looked at them or the ground. But in What's Happening I did Jinyoung's solo and once again Baro noticed. He stopped dancing to stand and point at me, "It's Jinyoung" I can still hear his voice in my head even now. He told the others to watch me, I was Jinyoung. I DIED. OMG how do you even carry on with life after that?!? They were all watching me and I'm pretty sure at that moment I just did a hairflip, smiled and found the camera cause I couldn't watch the boys, I just couldn't. I was trembling so bad.

They joined us for the ending then and Jinyoung almost stepped on me cause he stood so close. Then after a formation change, Baro took my spot. Hahaha, I remember just scooting out of formation to give him his space but it totally threw me off. For the rest of the dance he stood right in front of me and all I could think about was his back. And how tall he was. OMG, they're all so tall.

The song ended and everyone cheered. B1A4 turned to face us and then ran to hug us all. THEY hugged us. They initiated it and I was getting dizzy from lack of sleep, food and sheer excitement. Jinyoung was the first one that hugged me, you can actually see it at the very end of the video.

I wanted to talk to them all but everything went by so fast. They were gushing with excitement and couldn't stop talking about how surprised they were. They asked if we were going to the concert and my hand automatically shot up. Guess I was too fast, haha, they all looked over at me and smiled. Omg eye contact. I wanted to run and hide. Or run and hug them again. I don't even know. We took a group picture! You've probably seen it, Baro posted on his instagram. But you can't see me. At all. Another dancer blocked me. I'm so sad. We had some third person photos where I'm visible. But Baro's picture I'm missing....I'm in the back left corner. BEHIND the guy with black hair. You can just barely see my arm.

They thanked us and started to say bye but Mnet jumped in the middle saying that we were doing it twice but this time only us dancers. B1A4 went to the top of the stairs to watch and this time around I actually felt like I was performing FOR them.

After that though we really did say goodbye. I took a selca with them in the background though, I couldn't help myself.

They were pretending Gongchan was with them.

They said a final goodbye and I put my arms above my head to form a heart, stood on my tiptoes and stared hoping they'd notice. And they did. They all returned the heart before they left. <3

My only regret is not preparing a personal present to give them. They were literally right there with us. No staff or security keeping us at bay. And they were so friendly, nothing like other idols I've met who keep their sunglasses on while indoors and barely look at you.... B1A4 is nothing like that. They weren't afraid to be close with us, and they didn't just talk amongst themselves. You can see in the video that they were even interacting with us while we danced! Who does that? Haha. They were so genuine. It's all so surreal to me now.

We returned to the studio after and stayed out till after 1am cause we were too excited to just go home. If we went home then it ended. But as long as we were out and about it was still going on! In our heads at least. Haha, I finally ate that second half of croissant but all of Saturday I returned to being too sick to eat. Nervous for the concert! That concert was amazing. They were with us the whole time. Never did it  just feel like we were watching a performance, they were having so much fun and were so nice to all the fans down in the pit. I can't believe my B1A4 weekend is over. Please, someone, anyone, turn back time for me!

Dear Mnet America, I'm at a loss for words, I'm so thankful for this opportunity you trusted us with. And I hope you'll think of us again next time you're in SF.