Sleepless

I would also like to speak on this quote because it is difficult for me to hear.  First, I'll give you some back story. Job is a man of God - meaning he believes in him and prays and is thankful every day for his many blessings. He has wealth, children, a wife and a large estate, and the love of many people.  He is also a servant of God, doing his work daily to show how great God is to the world.  God, knowing Job to be so devout, asks Satan if he has seen how pious Job is to Him and his service.  The devil says, "surely if he was stripped of his wealth he would not be so thankful, and therefore he would condemn you."  The Lord allows the devil to take his land, and eventually everything else Job, has even his health.  Losing his wife was the last straw.  Job condemned the Lord and rebuked his own life.  

Soon, two friends came to visit Job when they had heard of his awful conditions.  He was guided by their counsel.  Both friends could not believe what the Lord had done to Job and eventually agreed that God had left him.  God appeared to them and scorned the friends for their poor counsel and scorned Job for his condemning words.  God questioned them and said "you shall answer me." God asked Job if he was there when God laid the foundation of the Earth? And many more questions that only God would know of wide and vast knowledge. (God hardly ever makes these cameo appearances and it is rare in the Old Testament that if you do see God - you are not about to die.)  After Job is asked a series of questions he cannot answer.  Eventually Job is speechless and says "I repent in dust and ashes."

When struck by the power of the visit of the Lord, Job and his friends repent. They pay an offering and Job again is rewarded with his previous blessings doubled.  

If God is so great, why does he allow such sorrow?  

I don't know.

There is no one answer.  I am sad to see a city hurt like many parts of the world have hurt before. Today I am thankful that my friends and family are alive and well. And today I am sad to hear the cries and ambulances for those I do not know and will never know until I pass on as well. 

“Though he slay me, yet will I hope in him” Job 13:15 NIV”

It is not that I believe God bombed boston with this quote and I am OK with that.  I know it is not his hope to see us hurting, dying, and suffering. It is not his decision but the decision of wickedness in this world. It is hard to say this and harder to believe this but I do. And I continue to pray for the people injured and the families suffering from the loss of their loved ones. 

Like clam chowder that's gone cold or bread that's been left out too long and turned stale.  I am not comfortable sitting in bed.  But here I am.  And I can't keep calm.

Listening to a jazz solo I have to record for an assignment due tomorrow, what's the point?  Why do I push when I'm met with resistance? I'm tired - no, exhausted. There is too much to do to focus on such tiny, seemingly menial tasks as this!  But I do them anyway.  Day and day and day again and again.  

Sometimes when things get backlogged for different reasons it's easy to become overwhelmed and discouraged. I'll play out scenarios in my head that end super negatively, but then find out that it was all in my head and most of the worrying I was putting myself through was futile.  Futile because I'll find out the assignment (for example) was a lot better than I had thought.  My professor would say really surprising things and I would be left with a "duh" on my forehead feeling silly for having doubted myself so torturously.  My head actually created an alternate reality where things were much worse than they really were. 

I'm here to reassure you in an ever so tiny way - that I'm encouraged by my teachers everyday.  Through the ups and the downs - the 14 hour rehearsals filled with productivity, tears, and sweat.  The shredding of vocal lines, the dances, the beautiful lyrics in various languages... Ahh it is my thing... The sweet acknowledgement of a professor recognizing my birthday is such an honor and excitement. - my professors are so wonderful.  And I want to say it again! My professors at Berklee are wonderful. There is a Middle Easter Festival tomorrow at 8:15pm in the BPC. I will be singing with my Balkan choir!  It's going to be amazing. It's also ONLINE at: http://www.concertwindow.com/shows/fifth-annual-berklee-middle-eastern-festival

Best! People!