tibbsart

Because they didn’t know what abuse looked like.

Because they internalized a lot of messages about chewed gum and used tape.

Because they were financially dependent on their abuser.

Because their culture or religion forbids it.

Because they were scared it would escalate.

Because they kept hearing from others how great their abuser is.

Because they were told that relationships take work.

Because they really did love their abuser.

Because their parents’ relationship is just like that.

Because they think no one else could truly love them.

Because their abuser is really loving when not abusive.

Because they feel like they “owe” their abuser.

Because they wanted to make it work.

Because they don’t think someone like them can be abused.

Because all their relationships were like that.

Because they reached out and no one believed them.

Because they were worried it would ruin their life.

Because they wanted to protect their children.

it’s risky not only for your partner to be with someone who wants them to compensate all the love they didn’t have, but it’s absolutely dangerous for you to jump into any opportunity to date and to be given affection, because you might end up dating people who will not only take advantage of you, but might hurt you as well.

“I promise..”

That has been said to me many times, and I can’t remember a time when someone has kept their promise to me

“I promise I’ll always be here for you”

“I promise nothing will change”

“I promise I’ll never hurt you”

“I pinkie swear..”

So many more broken.

Me: I don’t deserve this

Something good: *happens*

- forgetting that you’re real

- forgetting that other people are real

- patting a cat, but the cat left three minutes ago

- The Blank Stare™

- “do you hear voices?” …….technically???

- “Are you okay?” Dude, I don’t even know if i exist rn

- *something remotely stressful happens* TIME TO ASTRAL PROJECT INTO THE VOID

- when grounding doesn’t work so you stand in the rain for an hour just trying to feel

- when people are clapping and you make vague efforts to but then it just does work

- when dissociating just leads to the weirdest nap you’ve ever had

- never really wanting to get high bc trauma is enough to make you feel the same

Trauma

Trauma is a must to be a dissociative system. Of course you may not remember it and that’s entirely okay. It’s very common to have repressed memories and there can be an alter that is called a trauma holder that bares the weight of the trauma for you.

If someone ever tells you you have to have trauma to be a system then they are right. But just because they say that doesn’t mean they think you should remember your trauma. It’s entirely okay to have repressed memories and I wouldn’t want anyone to try to explore them without help.

“Children aren’t born with an integrated personality. In the absence of trauma, a child will integrate one coherent self over time as their brain matures and becomes capable of supporting this integration.”

(Source)

Types of trauma

Big T : big trauma is something everyone would consider traumatic. Such as abuse and rape or maybe even a death of a close family member.

“A large-T trauma is distinguished as an extraordinary and significant event that leaves the individual feeling powerless and possessing little control in their environment. Such events could take form as a natural disaster, terrorist attack, sexual assault, combat/war zone, car or plane accident, etc. Helplessness is also a key factor of large ‘T’ traumas, and expectedly the extent of experienced helplessness is far beyond that of a small ‘t’ trauma. Large ‘T’ traumas are more readily identified by the experiencer, as well as those who have any familiarity with their plight.” (Source)

Little t : little trauma although still traumatic it isn’t something everyone would call traumatic. Such as bullying and a death of a pet.

“Small ‘t’ traumas are events that exceed our capacity to cope and cause a disruption in emotional functioning. These distressing events are not inherently life or bodily-integrity threatening, but perhaps better described as ego-threatening due to the individual left feeling notable helplessness.” (Source)

Dissociation

Dissociation is a coping mechanism that involves some sort of disconnect between your brain and reality. It varies from person to person of course and from event to event.

Depersonalization:a disconnection between the person and (parts of) their body, sensations, emotions, or memories

Derealization: a disconnection between the person and the outside world, often experienced as the world seeming somehow unreal

Amnesia:  that can’t be explained by substances or medical cause

Identity confusion: feeling unsure about who the individual really is

Identity alteration: switching between dissociated parts

Sexual abuse is when someone with less power is tricked, trapped, coerced, or bribed into any type of sexual experience. Power imbalance may result from the perpetrator’s age, size, position, experience, or authority and includes kissing, fondling, being forced to touch the abuser’s genitals, anal, oral or vaginal sex, and non-contact acts such as exhibitionism, exposure to pornography, voyeurism or sexual comments or looks.

If, as a child, you experienced anything that felt sexual or yucky with someone who had more power than you, you were abused.

It was abuse:

• Even if you were never touched • Even if you didn’t say no • Even if it only happened once • Even if you only watched • Even if it felt good • Even if you participated • Even if it was a “game” • Even if you got something for it • Even if it was with another child • Even if it was suggestive comments • Even if there was something about it that you liked • Even if you didn’t tell

            -Even if you can’t remember your abuser.