high lady of the diet court

i had a experience today where my body overheated i started to lose focus in my schoolwork my heart started beating so loud and fast and hurting like a mf and i thought “omg this is it this is how i die i am going to die in the middle of art class” then i decided to try to alert someone i tapped my friends thigh my breathing was shaky and loud and my face was red and tried to tell her “get the teacher somethings happening” all that came out was a scrambled mumbled sentence and i thought i was about to faint but she understand and the teacher got her to take me real quick and since she knew i was anorexic she got a proteing bar and made me eat that shit and the second i took a bite everything slowly started to calm down and i have honestly never been more terrified

When you don’t eat, your blood sugar goes DOWN. This causes a variety of symptoms:

-An irregular heart rhythm

-Fatigue

-Pale skin

-Shakiness

-Anxiety

-Sweating

-Hunger

-Irritability

-Tingling sensation around the mouth

-Crying out during sleep

-Confusion, abnormal behavior or both, such as the inability to complete routine tasks

-Visual disturbances, such as blurred vision

-Seizures

-Loss of consciousness

ALWAYS make sure you have a fast acting carbohydrate on you. Orange juice, LifeSavers, (NOT DIET) soda, dried fruits (raisins), bananas, glucose gel/tablets, energy bars, rice cakes, pretzels, other candies.

These will correct your blood sugar (bring it up) in 5-15 minutes!!!!! Eat them when you start to feel faint or right after you pass out. Hydrate yourself as well!!!

I have never been so scared.

I had a BMI of 21 and had only been restricting for a month.

Whenever i was fasting for the first time, i went to the movie theatre with my dad and started feeling faint and he realized what was happening and started making me eat popcorn. I threw up and nearly passed out in front of everyone in the movie theatre.

you faint in showers & cry in kitchens. you're not okay & you know this. everyone knows this. but no one says it - at least, not to your face

instead your friends whisper "i'm worried about her" to one another & you pretend not to hear & you pretend not to care, but deep down you know you will die if you keep this up & you don't really want to die, but sometimes you think you'd be more loveable in an open casket

you're dizzy all the time but you tell yourself it's a good thing. your hunger grows louder while your voice grows quiet, but you tell yourself it's a good thing. you tell yourself starving is a good thing.

you faint in showers & cry in kitchens. your grandma tells you she's scared your heart will stop before her's does & you don't really want to die, you just want to feel loved.

the song of achilles / last kiss / richard siken / it could get easier (if you want it to) / picture of dorian gray / to the desert / bless the telephone / jamie weise / not easily conquered / saying your names / taylor swift / written on the body

[ID: image 1: “Achilles did not slur my name, as people often did, running it together as if in a hurry to be rid of it.”

image 2: “Your name, forever the name on my lips”

image 3: “Your name like / a song I sing to myself, your name like a box / where I keep my love, your name like a nest / in the tree of love, your name like a boat in the / sea of love”

image 4: “I’d die screaming your name and I wouldn’t regret it one second”

image 5: “A faint echo of his love came back to him. He repeated her name over and over again.”

image 6: “You wrap your name tight around my ribs”

image 7: “It’s nice, the way you say my name / Not very fast or slow, just soft and low”

image 8: “I remember when your name was just another name / that rolled without thought off my tongue. // Now, I can’t look at your name / without an abundance of sentiment attached to each letter. // Your name, which I played with so carelessly, so easily, / has somehow become sacred to my lips.”

image 9: “and I’d say your name the way I used to”

image 10: “I’m saying your name / in the grocery store, I’m saying your name on / the bridge at dawn.”

image 11: “My name is whatever you decide”

generational love and pain

hollowness

why didn’t you make me good enough.. so that you could’ve loved me?