Let it be

Ranting here because I don't have someone to rant to. I'm sick and tired of my heart hurting all the damn time. Tired of the angry words spewed in arguments, the apologies that follow after just to have it all happen all over again. Tired of feeling like I'm back in my fucked up past life during those arguments and how shitty it always felt to be so goddamn defenseless. Tired of not being understood as a person, as a introvert, as someone you fumbles over every word. I absolutely fucking envy every single one of you that can easily just have conversations with anyone about anything out of the moment because it's not that easy for most of us. Tired of being shoved out of my comfort zone and met with anger when I shy away. Tired of feeling like I'm always the asshole but everything I've ever done then feels disregarded. Tired of saying the wrong things because I sometimes think before I speak but I don't even have a second to correct myself. And fuck no am I going to apologize once the anger starts up. I'm no angel... But fuck me if I haven't tried my best as a person. I'm just so goddamn tired of feeling this. So tired of not being heard, not being understood. Tired of being alive at this point.