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I've never felt so unsupported. By my work team, by my community, and by my family.

Year of fucking loss and betrayal. I genuinely don't understand the people I love so much sometimes.

I don't know how much more I can take and how much longer I can keep going.

One day my composure is finally going to snap and I'm going to lose it all.

I'm going to have a complete fucking mental breakdown.

I have not had this much suicidal idealization in years. It's starting to scare me how much I genuinely want to kill myself over how much will I have to live for.

I don't feel safe. I'm so afraid. I don't want to be seen. I can't do this.

I won't kill myself. But I want to stop breathing.

I don't want to keep going on. I just want to stop.

Did it ever really mean anything to you? Were you just lying and pretending the whole time? Did nothing I do matter?

Walls are going back up. I will no longer love or care as deeply about anyone or anything.

And there it is. I definitely haven't fully felt part of the team, and then for you to name everyone but me as a contributor to the event really hit home.

The greatest pain is wanting to be comforted by those who hurt you.