༺♡︎༻

“Michael, I love you.

I’ve held the tears back as long as I can.

I’m sealing my feelings in this envelope,

‘cause I wanna be more than just your number one fan.”

…

“I’m gonna answer your letter.”

with that, Michael quickly shoved every other card back into the bags, got up, and headed to a quiet place to think.

♫

he went outside to walk around his neighborhood with a pen and paper in hand. this was the time to replay the course of nearly two months. two months of reading this girl’s letters and thinking about her. he knew he had enough information to write what his mind truly thought.

he came to a stop near a bench and sat on it for hours on end. not planning his letter back yet, but instead reviewing all of the emotions he’d felt this whole time. was this just another fan dreaming or something more? because he knew he didn’t feel completely casual about all of this.

he also had to consider other things. like for example, was this even smart of him to do? after all, this is a fan. if Joseph found out he was entertaining this, let alone having it interfere with his focus during work, Joseph would take the matter into his own hands and deal with what mail Michael gets to see and what mail gets thrown out. that wouldn’t be fair to the other fans who just want to show love either.

this was a very difficult thing to consider. he needed to choose between whether or not he should keep it professional and reply in a regular ‘fan-service’ way, giving into her painted portrait of being with the lead singer of the Jackson 5, or give into his shared feelings. decisions decisions..

♬

7-something-p.m. comes around, nothing on his paper. how was he going to go about this? Michael began muttering his sentences into tunes.

“I’ll start, beginning with the ABC’s.. of loving you…”

he wrote on a whim, letting his emotions of the moment express himself with no limits. he figured the best way he could come up with something to write is to turn it into a song.

“-… your letter really touched my heart.”

“I’ve been dreaming of meeting the picture that you sent along…”

“.. signed with all your love.”

his pen glided smoothly, creating a proper letter back with no mistakes and everything he wanted to say included. he didn’t stop and think, he just wrote.

“ I hope to hear back from you once again.

— Michael Jackson “

he proudly held up the letter right in front of him and exhaled in relief.

“I’m gonna write you back, I promise you that.”

that didn’t end very well.

♫

weeks passed again and he still never sent the letter, making the waiting game longer for the person to hear back. for her to hear back.

he had to put the blame on (the boogie lmao) his work schedule that he has to live with day-to-day, but he’d also be lying if he said he wasn’t holding back on sending it.

that letter, although he wrote everything on it, nothing was being said. it felt fake. the song pun referencing ABC was basically screaming “hey, just so you know, it really IS Michael Jackson responding to you, the singer. you know, the one that sang ABC.”

he spent way too much time thinking about what to say that he just wrote anything because it was the adrenaline rush taking over. what felt like a flow state ended up being a whole bunch of nothing written.

maybe what was holding him back was the fact that the letter could be more personal than he should make it. but what made this letter different? all of his letters to fans were personal, he felt connected to them, so why did he feel like he couldn’t here? writing “I love you more” to a fan wasn’t new to him, it was even true to him, what’s stopping him?

nothing. nothing could stop him.

it was 1:37 in the morning, the sound of a ballpoint pen and paper crinkling being the only thing that filled the silence.

this time, he put some thoughts into his words. his idea was to make the fan feel special, but to also put some space between the two. unfortunately, he knew nothing would come out of this. there couldn’t be anything anyway.

there was some truth to his letter beneath the subtle fibs.

the fibs being that he couldn’t refer to the person by name, or else it’d be too personal to bring himself to write.

or writing that he didn’t ‘know’ her despite being well educated on her personality and interests

there was a loophole though, and he took it, hoping that the fan felt just as loved as he said he did. even if the letter was more vague than it was intended to be.

♬

routine went as usual. Michael had to get back on tour with his brothers soon, and it felt exhausting recently.

before he knew it, he spent the whole day discussing business and perfecting practices. he had even forgotten about the letter he was supposed to send.

that was until it was almost time to hit the road again. this was the worst way to suddenly remember that he had to pay the post office a visit. 3 months. 3 months of being aware about the mail. August to November consisted of him stalling. this had to be put to an end.

it was the evening before he had to get back on tour, 5 p.m. to be exact. he hurried his way out of the house and ran to Bill.

“hurry!” he shouted from afar, waving his envelope to gesture where he was trying to go. “hm?” Bill still stood there confused.

“hurry, Mr. Postman!” Michael chuckled as he slowed his tracks. Bill got the message and laughed along, opening the door for him before getting in the driver’s seat. “let’s go, kid.”

“I want to make it on time before they close. if I don’t send it now, I’ll never have this chance.” Michael said softly but desperately.