ᶜᴬᵀᶜᴴ ᴹᴱ ᴵᶠ ᵞᴼᵁ ᶜᴬᴺ

“oh, that makes more sense,” she laughed. “i wasn’t really a kid at that other wedding, but it was too small for me to steal drinks. no one to meet, either.” elliot shrugged, because as much as she would like to have someone with her to make forrest’s wedding more enjoyable, the idea of her friends being around her family made her nervous. “the 13th is my last night, but i probably shouldn’t stay out late. being hungover at my brother’s wedding doesn’t seem fun.” maybe she would see caden before then, but she wasn’t sure whether or not that was a good idea. “you’re alright.” she was certain that he knew she really did find him hilarious and she grinned up at him. why she finds him so funny is beyond me, but she does. it wasn’t easy to make her laugh as much as he could, and the fact that it was always fun to be around him was one of her favorite things about their friendship. elliot was pretty sure that he thought she was hilarious too, and she took great pride in that. it took her a second to understand that he was talking about suzume, and she wasn’t sure if she fully understood his tone. maybe he really meant it, but she couldn’t tell. she looked around for the other girl, but it was hard for her to see through the crowd at this angle. elliot looked back up at caden, trying to smile through the wave of sadness that had just crashed down on her. part of her sadness came from the fact that she wouldn’t see him for three months, and part of it was because she knew things would never be quite like this again. most of the time she hated that she felt this way, that she had any feelings for him whatsoever. but sometimes, when he flashed her a genuine smile, or when they were making each other laugh, she didn’t mind so much. she hoped that she wouldn’t feel that way in three months, but she thought she might miss the feeling, too. “yeah, you too.” she gave him a half-hearted wave and walked away to find her date as she tried to ignore the sharp pain in her chest.

“oh, well in that case,” elliot reached over the bar and grabbed a bottle of something - she wasn’t sure what, but she wasn’t picky - and a glass. “want some-” she looked at the label on the bottle “-cruzan?”

“i just mean, like, if we combined our powers it would be overwhelming. although maybe that would make us a good crime fighting duo, i don’t know.” i would pay to see these two fight crime tbh. “fuck you,” she laughed. “i know. i don’t really want new ones, but i’ve lost a bunch of old ones.” claire did have a point, she wasn’t going to find people as cool as her and kass. she smiled, not particularly good at sentiment stuff either, but glad that claire felt the same. “you doing anything fun tomorrow after the ceremony?”

“yeah, i’m pretty sure her name is jenny, but i think basic is okay.” elliot thought he could be sort of judgmental when it came to names - one of the first things he’d said to her that actually pissed her off was that brandi sounded like a hooker name (or something like that, i’m not putting in the effort to go look and she wouldn’t remember it that well anyway), and rehashing that right now didn’t sound fun to her. “what do you mean?” she laughed, genuinely confused. “should i not say i’ve been to a wedding if i didn’t drink at it?” that couldn’t be what he meant, but it was her best guess. “no, harlowe is busy that weekend, and i guess i could ask someone else, but, like, who really wants to go all the way to new york for the wedding of someone they don’t even know?” all she could really offer a guest was an open bar, though i suppose that’s not nothing. “assuming your birthday is still mid-august,” she really can’t be expected to remember which day exactly, “it’ll probably be the weekend of my brother’s wedding. i’m in d.c. until the 13th, his wedding is the next day.” she’d have to start thinking about what to get him - stealing something wouldn’t be possible, and also wouldn’t be funny a second time. she could always get him nothing, but she liked to think she was a better friend than that, so she had a lot of brainstorming to do. i don’t understand how any sane person could find women in suits not hot?? “a bit of both. i do whatever google maps says, but i’ll take different little detours.” she couldn’t understand why he was laughing and it made her smile, but also helped end her own laughter. “you strike me as the kind of guy who doesn’t like hearing about periods and shit like that, so trust me, you wouldn’t find this funny.” she actually had been laughing about something kass said, or really a whole conversation they’d had. the one where kass suggested that elliot confess her feelings to him seemed pretty funny right about now. and caden did strike her as that kind of guy, so there was only a tiny lie in there. elliot smiled back at him, but she really was going to have to try to not miss him too much, and that was her main problem. “yeah, okay. i won’t be.” she wasn’t sure whether or not she meant that. 

“oh, i don’t know. like, poverty and hunger and shit. war seems kind of overwhelming.” not exactly fun answers, but those were the ones that came to mind. “i never said i wouldn’t miss you,” she rolled her eyes. “there’s a small chance that i’ll have to make new friends next year.” elliot made a face as if the thought had left a bitter taste in her mouth. “so yeah, i’ll miss you.” not because she cares about claire or enjoys her company or anything, it’s all because she doesn’t want to make new friends. obviously. 

“i think i remember some of it, or at least the beginning.” no one had ever asked her to recite it while drunk, so she wasn’t totally sure. elliot was sort of expecting him to be annoyed, and wasn’t sure if she’d ever heard him say something like ‘my bad.’ it felt strange for him to agree with something she said so quickly. “yes, like gump,” she laughed. “i really don’t know why my mom named him that. like, i think usually siblings have names that, well maybe they don’t go together, but at least they sound good together. but i don’t think ours do.” and it wasn’t like she could ask her mom why. she liked her name, and that was good enough for her. “i’ve only been to one other, but i’m hoping this will be fun. at least i can drink now.” which wasn’t exactly a a healthy attitude for her to have, but that probably surprises no one. “yeah, i’ll have like a week left before next semester starts and i’ll just hang around there.” she wasn’t really sure what she would do in new york, but she liked visiting there so she figured she’d have a nice enough time. “i could probably wear either, but i’m gonna wear a dress. august is too hot for suits, but now that you mention it, i would look great in a tux.” although to be fair, she thought she would look great in anything, and i don’t disagree. “sometimes i take spruce places in bags, but he doesn’t like that any more than the carrier.” he was a very picky boy. “i go a slightly different way every time, but i am good at just, like, coping with being in the car for that long.” she was going to tell him how far reno was from vegas, but then he kept talking, and by the time she had processed his words, she had started laughing. her hand flew to her mouth and she tried to stifle it, but she just couldn’t. of course. of fucking course. she would drive across the country all alone, and he would drive across the country with the girl he loved. something about that was hilarious. she was trying to think of a good excuse for why she found this funny, but nothing was coming to mind. “i don’t, i just- i’m just a little drunk, and i remembered something that kass said. just girl stuff, you wouldn’t find it funny.” elliot would miss him, but she wouldn’t miss this feeling. too bad she won’t get to. “yeah, we should. i should really find suzume.” she sighed and turned towards the entrance, taking one step before turning back to him. “caden-” she opened her mouth to speak and paused before any words could come out. there were a thousand things she wanted to say to him, but her pride was too big a pill to swallow. even if she’d managed to choke it down, there was nothing she could say that didn’t have the potential to end their friendship, and he was far too important to her for her to let that happen. all she could really do was sigh and offer up a flimsy smile. “have a good summer.” he had known what she was thinking enough times that a part of her had started to believe that he could read her mind, and she hoped he could read it now. “try not to miss me too much.” 

elliot smiled proudly, as if being the first to ask was somehow special. she looked down at her red dress, then back up at parker with a slightly quizzical look on her face. “i’ll give you one guess.”

“oh,” elliot laughed. she didn’t usually see him get drunk drunk, and she supposed he was just good at hiding it. better than she was, apparently, but while she had had a decent amount to drink, this was probably before she did shots. “z y x w v u t...” and then she was laughing again, too hard to get more letters out. “i memorized the alphabet backwards a long time ago, just in case.” she wasn’t sure what that said about her. “no, no i don’t really,” she insisted, gently pushing his shoulder (elliot’s version of gentle, so perhaps not very). “technically i didn’t start turning people into punching bags until, like, 2002.” but that was just semantics, and she was just a bit of an asshole. i’m literally just talking about her feelings!! she has no way of knowing!! other than the money thing. and i just want to reiterate on the dash that she isn’t going to ghost him this summer. she won’t reach out to him, but if he texts her, she’ll still text back, and probably be way too happy about it. the cleanse could never work. “yeah, forrest is getting married.” she smiled, genuinely excited for him. “literally the day after my internship ends, and i have to drive all the way to new york, but i think it’ll be good. i’m a bridesmaid, or i guess technically a groomsmaid, so i’ll have to stand there. but i don’t think that’ll be too bad.” it ended up being mostly good. mostly. “oh, yeah, you know. athletic equipment and secondhand clothes. trinkets that are probably garbage. the real fancy stuff.” she liked her belongings and they meant a lot to her, and while she wouldn’t normally openly admit that they weren’t particularly nice things, it wasn’t hard for people to guess that. “yeah, they have. i don’t understand what kind of monster would put their dog inside a suitcase. spruce doesn’t even like his carrier, so i don’t force him to be in there if it’s not one hundred percent necessary.” the little dog didn’t particularly love the long drive, but he liked all the new smells. “this will be the fifth.” her drive back to virginia in five weeks would be the sixth and last time, and she was pretty happy about that. she didn’t terribly mind them, but they weren’t something she ever actually wanted to do. “not really. i’ve stopped at the grand canyon, which i’ve told you about.” that was where she thought she saw ghost children. “and i’ve stopped at my aunt’s place in reno. places that aren’t too far out of the way.” but that was the drive to santa rosa, the one to seattle was further north and nowhere near either of those destinations. “usually i just look up pretty fields and decent restaurants within fifteen minutes of the highway. there isn’t much else that seems safe for me to do when i’m in the middle of nowhere all by myself.” she didn’t get nervous, but she also wasn’t trying to tempt fate. 

“some if it is nice, yeah. but i’m not a huge fan.” there wasn’t a great reason for her vendetta against the pacific northwest, at least that i can remember, she had just never had a good time there. “yeah, for sure.” last summer she sent kass a bunch of horrible selfies on her drive to california, so this year she might as well take decent pictures of the scenery. “what’s old faithful?” it sounded a bit like a dog’s name to her. “if i go to yellowstone you will absolutely get a rock,” she laughed. she’ll get her a good one, too. a good rock. “that seems like a good sign to me. i think you two will be just fine.” if class isn’t fine, elliot will be very upset, as will i. “i don’t know, like, i like being alone sometimes. but not all the time, you know?” that sentence hurts my heart a little bit, and it probably hurts elliot’s heart, too. “i will definitely be taking you up on that. it’ll be good to have friends around when i’m in d.c., like it’ll be weird to be doing the internship alone, so it’s good that i’ll get to see you.” it was also good because she loved kass, but she hoped that went without saying.

“is it bad that the longer we wait for beyonce, the less excited i am to see her?” elliot was pretty sure the anticipation was supposed to make her more excited, but she was too impatient. @maiacurfman​

“hey.” she wasn’t actually interested in parker, but she was told to talk to him, so she figured she might as well. “are you supposed to be a saint or a sinner?” @parkerbrandt​

tw for mentions of verbal abuse, alcoholism, and jail, but it’s all very brief 

“you’re not that drunk, you can’t think of an example because they don’t exist.” at least, he didn’t seem that drunk. “well-” now that he mentioned it, a part of elliot was curious as to what caden crying looked like. but she didn’t actually want him to feel bad, that much was true. “i mean, yeah, i guess not.” she shrugged as if she weren’t sure, but quickly followed it with a smile. “i wouldn’t say i beat most of them up, but they did get punched.” okay, maybe a few got beaten up. she was glad that he seemed in support of it, and then she remembered the cecil tape and beating up people who deserved it definitely seemed like something he would get behind. “yeah, it’s... it’s good.” she smiled back at him, and though she knew it was practically nothing to him, it meant everything to her. elliot wasn’t sure of how to let that go. “yeah, of course.” she appreciated the thought, but she knew she wouldn’t be calling or texting him to bitch about her dad. she wouldn’t call or text at all. she couldn’t, if only for her own sanity. she needed to cleanse caden lucca from her system and pray that when they came back in august and she saw his stupid smirk again that it wouldn’t make her feel this way anymore. “yeah, with them, and my sister-in-law.” not all of her friends listened to her closely and she appreciated that he really did. she was more open with him than she was with most people, and he seemed to understand that. she wasn’t sure how open with her he was, but he seemed to trust her, and that was something. “well, yeah, it would be easier. but i can’t fit all my worldly possessions on a plane.” she smiled, aware that he knew full well that her possessions were far from worldly. elliot almost asked him about what he was doing for the summer but remembered that it would involve noah and decided to keep her mouth shut. she didn’t know that the two of them were going on a cross country road trip, and i really hope that if she finds out it’s when she’s in a better place mentally. “plus spruce has never been on a plane, and i have a feeling he would hate it.” to be fair, spruce hated most things. “it’s not that bad, i’m used to it.” elliot wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince him or herself. she had spent the latter half of her childhood all alone, and sometimes she still felt that way. she would definitely feel somewhat alone next year with so few friends left at gallagher, but she’d be fine.