Excerpt from a young womanâs diary from the early XVIIIth century.
Since Papa died, my dear brother has been spending more and more money. Here he has me in the house, still mourning the death of my dear Papa. I cannot believe his lack of decorum and propriety: barely a year has passed by, and I barely see him, every evening he comes home late and inebriated. He says he is doing business with other gentlemen, but I cannot believe him. The only thing that brings me joy lately is that he promised he will take me to a ball in London once the season starts. I long for this sadness and loneliness to go away and desperately wish that a ball will finally lift my mourning spirits.
Gown (I outgrew my old one, brother must deal with it).
A new muslin (White. I think would go well).
I also outgrew my dancing shoes.
The house also needs the floors to be polished.
And brother must raise my allowance. He cannot expect me to have this house in perfect condition if he does not.
Find him a wife. A nice and pretty lady will sure make brother settle down and I do long for a sister, another female in this empty house for me to talk.
The season has begun, and brother has not said a word about any balls. At least he bought me another gown, but he said that I must make do with what he gives me. My Dear Papa would have never treated me as such, but brother says that we must be careful and I must listen to him even when I hear him come at the early hours of the mornings, tumbling, and laughing alone. He never eats breakfast with me anymore. My dear brother really needs a wife and I a sister.
Our neighbour, Mrs Hill, has had me for tea almost every week. She is such a nice lady, but her oldest daughter is barely thirteen years of age. I often find myself feeling lonelier when I come back. I miss my childhood friend, Felicia, she went to France with her family so many years ago, but she was always so lovely and tender with me. I still remember our giggles under the covers and holding hands while searching for flowers in her garden. I wish nothing more but to feel that love. Brother has yet to tell me when are we going to a ball.
I feel lonelier than ever before. I have nothing to write about and the weekly tea with the Hillâs family does nothing for my sadness. Brother really must take me to a ball or find a wife.
Brother has finally come with the news that we are going to a ball in a fortnight! My happiness knows no limits, I will dance and talk with the ladies all night. Good Lord! I am so excited!
Must ask Mrs Hill if she is also going, that will help calm my nerves.
The ball was the most fun I have had in ages. I believe I met the most precious creature on earth. Miss Mary was enchanting, kind, and beautiful. I asked my brother to propose to her on the spot. I believe he is considering it; she is from a good family after all. Her laughter was infectious, and her dancing was divine. I believe I spend most of the night enchanted by her. I wish she really does become my sister.
My brother told me that yesterday he went to see Miss Mary, and today she came for tea! We had the loveliest time together. I feel like we talked about everything.
I barely have time to write! I see Mary almost every day now. We have tea, we stroll through the park when there is good weather, she has stayed for supper several times and our time together is always pleasant and beautiful! My brother really must marry her, she is the most gracious and kind lady he will ever find.
Mary loves lavender and roses, so I asked the housekeeper to always keep some around the house.
Brother and Mary are getting married! I cannot believe I get to keep her as a sister. I am so grateful and happy now that she will come to live with me, we will have breakfast together and look after our home. I believe God has blessed us with each otherâs company after our loneliness as she is an only child, you see.
Lately, I have had no time to write at all! Brother and Mary had a short engagement and a beautiful wedding. Since then, Mary and I have been inseparable. We eat breakfast together, then we sit in the sitting room to enjoy the fire in these cold times, we read to each other, we run the house together, and sometimes we even help each other with our baths. Christmas was a beautiful affair, even brother was on his best behavior. You see, lately, he is the only cloud in an otherwise clear blue sky, he keeps going to those vulgar, awful places and comes smelling of smoke even days after! I cannot believe what he does to poor Mary, she deserves the very best, so I try to fill his absence to the best of my abilities. At least Mary does not seem to mind too much. I have never heard her yell at him, but what does a single girl like me know about married life? I just hope to be a great sister to her.
Mary likes carrots and potatoes but cannot stand peas.
Mary likes that I braid her hair every night.
Mary likes her tea strong with little sugar and too much milk.
Mary said that she loves that the house always smells of lavender and roses.
Mary has begun to sleep with me to fight the cold when that fool of a brother is gone.
Mary said that my face is shaped like a heart and that my blushing is lovely. I do tend to blush a lot around her.
Mary likes cucumber sandwiches in the morning.
We had a lovely day yesterday! It was pouring outside, and brother was nowhere to be found, as usual, so Mary had a brilliant idea, we had a ball in the sitting room! We took our best gowns and feathers and we danced and laughed until our whole bodies hurt, we drank wine and ate until our bellies were full with joy. We fell asleep on my bed giggling and holding each other. I have never been this happy.
Brother is off to work in some random house that I do not care to understand, the only good thing is that he got to keep the house.
Mary and I cannot afford any balls, but we are still happy, we dance every evening, and we hold each other every night, we eat breakfast together every morning, and we are happy every day.
My flower, when we are together there is nothing that makes me sad.