she want the goddamn sky

Why do I sabotage every chance I have at being healthy? Why did I leave a steady job for a boy with gorgeous blue eyes and a tempting smile? Why did I continue to take back a man who used me as an outlet to the anger he faced from his addiction? Why didn’t I say no louder? Why didn’t I stand up and walk out when he touched me like that? Why did I confuse empathy with manipulation? Why did I let you steal from my body and I paid the price for it? Why am I still paying the price for it? Why did I put myself in debt trying to fill a void from a love that wasn’t there? Why is it that I’m never enough to save someone but my soul aches for that nurture. Why am I always there for everyone and push my problems on them? Why do I feel the need to be heard? Why do I think so black and white? Love is such a dangerous game that leaves me broken and with less than nothing. Why wasn’t I enough to be loved by you? Why couldn’t you choose me? Love me? Why couldn’t I be your salvation? I’ve been in this numb state of suriviving for years.. when will it finally be over?

I want to be with you but I’m not ready to let my guard down