Gender Tourist

My therapist believes in soul contracts. Basically that we’ve made an agreement to come to Earth and live the life we have. In order to learn something, I guess.

I am so strong. I’ve been through so much and yet I persist.

But there’s no way I would have agreed to live this life. I would not have chosen to go through this bullshit. No one would have.

I’m haunted by the sound of my own screams. When it happened I was frozen. I couldn’t scream, I couldn’t cry out for help, I couldn’t get away. Later when I was back at home I couldn’t stop screaming. Couldn’t stop. I’m still screaming.

Regardless of his truthfulness, he knows at least two other ways to contact me. Even a service-less phone can get WiFi. He has a computer where he lives. I would have been happy with “I’m gonna be unreachable for awhile” or “I have a girlfriend, I can’t meet up”

He was active on a mutual site while he was ignoring me. I think he found a girlfriend and gave me the silent treatment because he doesn’t give a fuck about me.

I don’t want him to write sonnets about me. Just treat me with minimal respect. Everyone makes mistakes. We can’t fix the past only do better in the future. I said I’d like a sincere apology and for him to make it up to me but he started spouting drama. Like, “you don’t gotta worry about me no more! I shall run away and never return!”

What social outlet can I engage in?

It needs to be something I can convince my ride to take me to. Hopefully not too far away. Needs to be accessible. Can’t be outside because I will melt in the sun. Can’t be too hot inside. If there’s too many folk heating up an air conditioned space I will melt. Can’t be too strenuous.

This is a tall order in a such conservative ass place.

Everyone here claims to hate people like me and there’s laws against me using the bathroom and junk but I never really let that stop me. No one can hate me properly face to face. I use whatever bathroom I feel like….but I still have no idea how to get face time

I was living in some type of dorm situation. I was given the task of locking up a specific jeep. When I made it to the garage I found that someone else had driven their car so close to the jeep that I couldn’t use the key on it. I locked up the cab but the trunk had to be done manually with the key.

I searched for the owner of the second car but kept missing her by moments. Then someone told me she was back in the garage so I ran down there to have her move the car and she wasn’t there but another car was parked behind the first car parked behind the jeep.

I think someone thought they were protecting the jeep from being rifled through and it was true that the trunk could not be opened but we needed to drive it on trips into town. There was no way to drive it, either.

I went to the room of the key keeper, she was second in command to the jeep owner. When I opened her door another girl was sitting on her bed and someone was under the covers. I tried to ask the sitter if the key keeper was there but I couldn’t remember her name. I asked the sitter if she could tell me and I heard key keeper under the blankets making some kind of nonsense speech.

I said I needed the keys to move the cars so I could finish locking up the jeep.

She ignored me and when she popped out of the blankets it wasn’t even the key keeper it was just another room mate pretending to be her.

I finally lost my temper and said fuck it I don’t have to finish locking up the jeep if everyone is happy about their dumb fuck solution who am I to argue? I’d be happy to stop fucking around with everyone’s stupid car.

I was riding in the backseats of the car with my roommate and a bunch of her girl friends. My room mate said she was supposed to change her friend’s eye color that night! I was describing the method of tattooing someone’s eyes and telling her it was permanent and dangerous and she shouldn’t do it when we stopped to pick up a new girl.

The girl got in the car while we were talking about eye color and I was tearing up a bit saying that of all the things one could change destroying your eyes seemed the most tragic.

So the girl started looking into my eyes to see my eye color. I had the same eyes as I do now! Pretty and green. Then we started making out in the backseat because no one can resist these peepers!

Later I visited her apartment which was like the place juvenile delinquents had to stay. She had a bunch of guitars and amps and a bed and not much else. We were chatting and I was hoping to sleep with her but her boyfriend called. I was all sad about her having a boyfriend but she said I must have known because she’d told me. I didn’t remember but I promised not to kiss her in front of him.

Then there was a bus load of boys pulling up in the parking lot singing “What what what, lemme see your butt butt butt” and shaking their butts and it turned out it was my old football team and I got super excited and went to see them. I was glad I could show off to the girl about why everyone loved me back home.

And we started a football game and I had the skills to play and I caught the ball and was gonna throw it in the little goal thing but my team was waiting behind me like they wanted me to throw it to them and I suddenly realized I didn’t know how to play football 😝