Rodel Hates Writing

Just a cold, tedious, ordinary Monday.

Two friends have decided to go out for a coffee.

They have been going out for a cup of coffee a couple of times already.

They hug. They kiss. But no “I love yous.”

Little did they know they already are doing the things friends should not be doing.

They call it “coffee night out.” People call it “dating.”

He is that friend.

Midnights have always been my afternoons.

It is the time where I question myself.

Existential crisis. Insanity.

It is like a haven, but full of paranoia.

Death is the only thing I think that could end my sufferings.

Death is the only thing I wish for to happen.

Sleep-deprived. Caffeine-induced. Emotionally-repressed.

In the morning, emptiness wakes up my dead soul, staring blankly at the four corners of the room.

In the afternoon, I chug a cup of unknown illness; several cups even more so. 

In the evening, I devour my meal seasoned with lonesomeness and sadness

At midnight, what ifs and should haves perturb my anxious self.

At midnight, traumas awaken my heavy-eyed self.

Welcome to my niche of unspoken thoughts and uncertainty.

A world that can give you the warmest and tightest hugs.

A world made for you.

It was 2:00 o'clock in the morning. I was lying on my bed. The lights were off. I could hear the crickets and distance conversations of my neighbors and passers-by. I was on my phone, binge-watching my favorite boys love (BL) series. The caffeine I had consumed the other day was still rushing in my veins. I was too ecstatic to watch my favorite series, yet I was slothful to do my long overdue assignments and requirements. I went to sleep late. It was 5:00 o'clock in the morning. Mr. Sun was already out, and the roosters were already crowing.

I woke up late. It was 8:30 o'clock in the morning. "Shit! Mapatay na sad ko aning sir ba," I screamed when I glanced at my phone. It was no surprise; I have always been late to my classes and errands since when I was 12. It became a habit of mine, an awful habit I cannot easily get rid of. I then realized I had not ironed my uniform yet. "Ah. Maligo sa ko una ayha ko mamlantsa," I whispered. I had a 9:00 AM class to attend to, but I still was not prepared yet. It took me a while to take a bath. As I stepped out of the bathroom, I immediately went to the kitchen and had a quick breakfast. I then went to my bedroom, put on my clothes and shoes, brush my teeth, left home, and walked as fast as I could.

Before going to my room on the fifth floor at the engineering complex, I would drop by at the nearest coffee shop to have my favorite drink. I was already forty-five minutes late to my class. However, I did not mind being late that day. Sir barely gives a fuck, and that's what I like about him (jag älskar dig, sir). Upon entering the room, I saw my classmates' poker face, giving a hint that I'm in deep shit. Then, I saw sir's frowning face with his left hand leaning on the table, silently looking at me, but I could hear his thoughts saying, "You're late again, Mr. Lopez."

My daily life has always been like this; it is a cycle that I cannot break—sleeps late, wakes up late, arrives at school late, goes home late. My life is a big, hot mess. I have too many bullshits to deal with. Miserable if you ask me. And just when I thought my life was already pretty dull and boring, then Miss Rona came. Miss Rona changed the way I live my life, and I do my things.

You fill my lonely heart with happiness

With love I really never thought possible

Love that is chaste and boundless

Love that is perfect and unbreakable

You bring me to paradise

The paradise we are dreaming

You never fail to surprise

Our hearts are harmoniously beating

Your love turns tedious grey into vivid dyes

That colors our lives and makes it lush

I know you heart never lies

I see sincerity even you are hush

I will love you until the day I die

My love for you is oh so real

That's the thing I want you to feel

My endless devotion will not ever desist

'Cause my love for you I insist

  The seemliness that sparks in your eye

I was stunned and started wondering why

With your astonishing emblematic consistency

I adore you without hesitancy

  At first I already knew the sorest fact

You don't love me the way I act

Need not for you to be daunted

'Cause I know my fantasies are limited

  I will wait forever until you will truly comprehend