You're so last summer.

ash grey clouds block the sky, ensuring that God won’t see my thoughts.

the ultimate peeping tom.

the calls of vultures are cloaked as sparrows and mockingbirds.

i can tell the difference.

she takes a drag off of a lonely cigarette. and this reminds me of how i sometimes feel like if she makes it there i will storm the gates and torch the place.

this is how i spend my first night in hell.

the rest of the week will be spent filling out online personality tests.

i cheat. i take them until i get the personality i like.

monday is for self-sabotage.

i have the cure’s “pornography” on repeat in my head constantly to remind me that this is okay.

the pillbox resembles the barrel of a gun.

MTWTHFSSU

i imagine that these bullets i am swallowing are you- one for everyday of the week i feel alone.

tuesday is for not living up to my potential.

tragedy and turbulence are beautiful.

wednesday is for avoiding friends phone calls.

well maybe not beautiful but at least inevitable.

thursday is for staying up all night and regretting the past three days.

do you ever miss the sun at night or only despise it for abandoning you.

it’s so fucking fickle.

imagine a corpse that is bored with it’s own funeral.

this is me.

friday is spent sleeping off thursday.

i know you don’t read this.

but a part of me still hopes you do.

saturday night is spent alone by the phone- god i wish it was wednesday.

at this point i switch from the cure to bjork’s “hyper ballad”- this is the soundtrack to who cares?

sunday is spent wishing i will wake up someone different on monday.

her perfume is a mix of cigarettes and post-coital sweat.

but somehow it only reminds me of how the people at the crucifixion must have felt.

ash grey clouds block the sky, ensuring that God won’t see my thoughts.

the ultimate peeping tom.

the calls of vultures are cloaked as sparrows and mockingbirds.

i can tell the difference.

she takes a drag off of a lonely cigarette. and this reminds me of how i sometimes feel like if she makes it there i will storm the gates and torch the place.

this is how i spend my first night in hell.

the rest of the week will be spent filling out online personality tests.

i cheat. i take them until i get the personality i like.

monday is for self-sabotage.

i have the cure’s “pornography” on repeat in my head constantly to remind me that this is okay.

the pillbox resembles the barrel of a gun.

MTWTHFSSU

i imagine that these bullets i am swallowing are you- one for everyday of the week i feel alone.

tuesday is for not living up to my potential.

tragedy and turbulence are beautiful.

wednesday is for avoiding friends phone calls.

well maybe not beautiful but at least inevitable.

thursday is for staying up all night and regretting the past three days.

do you ever miss the sun at night or only despise it for abandoning you.

it’s so fucking fickle.

imagine a corpse that is bored with it’s own funeral.

this is me.

friday is spent sleeping off thursday.

i know you don’t read this.

but a part of me still hopes you do.

saturday night is spent alone by the phone- god i wish it was wednesday.

at this point i switch from the cure to bjork’s “hyper ballad”- this is the soundtrack to who cares?

sunday is spent wishing i will wake up someone different on monday.

her perfume is a mix of cigarettes and post-coital sweat.

but somehow it only reminds me of how the people at the crucifixion must have felt.

i’m confused. i am 22 and i have no masterplan. sleeping in the bedroom that i grew up in is wearing thin but i have no urge to move on. i keep making the same mistakes with the same people and they keep letting me start over. you would think they’d know better by now. i think sometimes people forget there is real person here. i know i do.

i think i’m gonna make friends with my friends enemies. it seems like maybe we hate the same people.

trouble loves me- why don’t you?

lots of stuff to report- we are actually practicing on tuesday. we have a show at rubes may 10 with Figure Four. we will do a full u.s. tour this summer. i have been writing for a new e.p. simply titled “Girls” which we will hopefully record this fall, on it at least: death to the last romantic, (farewell to)a switchblade love affair, and the don juan complex. the new stuff is way different, better in my mind. check back for more info.

a lyrical sampling to get you in the mood:

  the don juan complex- my heart is fast and broken in the back of vans, our limbs are tired and clumsy between these sheets. i choked on “please save me” just before i tasted her lips- she never heard a sound. i’ll die in the corners of this kitchen at every party. oh god, this is such a drag and my wrists are sore from being thought of too much. one thousand friday nights- no love is safe. you can’t imagine what you’d wish for if you remembered every single wasted moment twenty-two times. one thousand friday nights- no love is safe. i’ll begin my last note: “i’m sorry mom, i tried, but noone should ever feel this way. and i’m sorry girls but i’m still an awkward boy and you can’t make me not alone.” and end it: “p.s. i hate you”.

  see you soon.

you threw away something perfect, now watch me do the same- i’ll show you just what a vindictive asshole i can be. someday this will all be funny.

  i think all this is driving me insane. and the funny thing about my mom making me go talk to this doctor is i find myself lying to him so he doesn’t think i’m too wierd. on top of that everytime he suggests that something might be a problem in my life, i make it one i magnify it- just so he doesn’t feel dumb. i want to grab him and say don’t waste my time just give me pills that make me feel not so alone.

there’s a part of me that secretly hoped my plane would crash, killing me instantly on impact- the drama proves irresistable. i need some kind of hook to drag me out of it- some hook to drag me straight to hell. do not pass go. do not collect 200 dollars.

i have the same dream every night.

the morning you wake up and realize you are just as shitty of a person as they all thought.

sunday i will be on a plane flying far away from everything i have ever loved or hated. tommorrow i will be in kankakee rocking.

  she looks like suicide. it’s enough to make me feel washed up to hang dry. she’s so over dramatic- just so goddamn original and i’m so confused. i’ve mastered the art of not returning phonecalls but i’ll think about the way your hair falls in your eyes on the sides of pillows all night long.

ps i hate you.

see you in hell.

cons:

  i get tricked into opening pornmail all the time

i’m sick as hell and it hurts to breath

there is noone home and it alternates between being lonely and boring every half hour

we didn’t play the show tonight

my bestfriend is in prison until the year 2007 and i’m not there simply because we stopped hanging out for awhile.

chris doesn’t have a phone so i have no partner in crime during the day tommorrow

pros:

dead to fall- that band rules and the guys are super cool. one of the few bands from our town with we are actually friends with. check out www.deadtofall.com

hurley now plays in drums in our band

i’m going to work for jim at handsomedevil booking- cool cause he’s a friend and a guy i’ve always looked up to.

i’m going to costa rica for six days with my brother. you all should listen to that one saves the day song and miss me alot.

i’m not in prison

my mom bought me james and the giant peach dvd cause she rules

  pete: yeah i got five wisdom teeth pulled

todd: you can’t have five

pete: seriously dude. i did.

todd: yeah you look like you have alot of teeth

i am sick as hell. i think i might have pnemonia from sitting in that shitty ass van with a cold. is pnemonia when it hurts to breath? not much new arma stuff to report. when we get the new stuff recorded it will be sick- we are not playing the bloodlet show, yes i know we suck.

  i am going to go and watch James and the giant peach nd you’re probably not, sucks for you. great movie, great story. jack skellington makes an appearance as a pirate- it’s funny- i’m not the type of person who compares myself to characters in movies, i never relate to the sensetive john cusack character… but jack skellington and me are like two peas in a pod- we both have good intentions but we just don’t really get it.

go buy the new piebald, you will like it.

our cover of “piece by piece” is done. i’m nervous about it cause it’s way different then the original, it is probably the heaviest stuff we have ever done. andy has crazy good chops on it, definitly makes the short list of good drummers in hardcore.

  our return happens march 12 get ready…

they all think im a cold, arrogant asshole- but that’s cause noone takes the time to figure me out. the truth is i’m still so caught up on being hurt over shit that happened so long ago that i’m not even here with you, i am but i’m not, sorry.

i think me and my wife are going to have spider and skull rings because they are pretty sweet looking, fuck off.

i would still find a way to disappoint you.

  dude. i have to say matt fox is one of the nicest guys in hardcore hands down. we went to shai hulud the other night and those guys were so cool. we talked about playing some shows together and other nerdy stuff. my friend tony plays drums for them now too which is rad- if you see them harass him for arma angelus. word.

we’re practicing this week and recording some stuff on sunday for our friend philly shawn’s comp. if you get a chance go check out the site www.spookcityusa.com- shit is fresh.

badjournal entry. sorry i am in a good mood. nothing to bitch about. i’ll catch you peeps later.

twenty years from now- arma angelus reunion:

chris- the dude will be like 47 and saying he’s still 19. the fonz isn’t cool when he’s old and fat.

adam- still pissed at the world. teaching a class or leading a cult, choose your own adventure.

todd- rocking out in some shitty bar with the killing tree- still.

pete- lives at home with his parents. goes to shows where the girls stay the same age. seriously it’s not cool, he is still in college.

andy- in jail for something or another. keeps the edge, loses his anal virginity.

still full of hate.

in between the sheets my eyes are clumsy, our limbs are tired and pretty entwined. tommorrow the phone will be a noose. goodnight is goodbye.

so i have been waiting to write an entry in here until: a. i was in a better mood and b. when i had something to write about Arma. neither has really happened.

  “you want to know who i really am? yeah, so do i”

i have been in a bad mood all week. kind of like i feel like i miss someone or something but noone is gone- just kind of lonely. i cried for the first time in years the other night, it was ultra lame- i don’t recommend it. i don’t know. i figured it was partially cause my mom was out of town for awhile and i’m a total wuss, like i eat only cold cereal until she returns. i dunno i feel like i need to figure myself out and the people in my life aren’t really giving me that chance, cause they’re scared they’ll lose me or for whatever reason- i think i’m going crazy haha. but that’s not it- fall out boy has been recording for our full length all week, its pretty bomb. it’s funny how tattoo studios and recording studios are the only places where you pay to pretty much hang out half the time- like the dudes just sit around most of the time and then sometimes work, it’s pretty hilarious if you think about it. anyway, i tracked bass yesterday and it sounds fresh so check it out when it comes out.

as far as Arma goes, we have dropped off a couple of shows as we get ourselves resituated- we are going to record a jam or two on march third with the new drummer. i guess we can release who it is now, Andy from racetraitor will be taking over roadwarrior/god of thunder duties for us- if you remember racetraitor and kill the slavemaster than you know this kid can play crazy good- think heavy. hopefully, we will still be on the bloodlet show in march to unleash the new fury. we’ll then look at our touring schedule and all.

do you have people in your life that are just too nice to you? it drives me insane. they just do shit for you all the time regardless of what going on, they’ll always be there?

anyways, this one made no sense. i promise i’ll give you a better one soon.

i’m gone like virginity on prom night.

petey

welcome to the story of those down on their luck- we’ll make the worst feel pity for us. we’ll start a band and everyone in the room will chew the fat until they choke. i’ll just wish i was in different skin the whole time. we won’t wait for you tonight. we’ll start the van and leave this town wasted behind us. tonight draw the curtain and watch us mock those who smile and nod like everything is alright.

  blah blah. nothing much to say. we are out one van, one drummer, and one practice space. i think the shows for this weekend are off. that sucks.

deadxstop number something is out now- it’s pretty sweet ass. thora birch is extra hot. i’m scared that i’m gonna lose one of my bestfriends over a fucking band.

    and she took a stab at reason and ambition on her way out the door so i don’t want them anymore.

i won’t wait for you tonight.

haha. pretty hilarious how many people have been calling and emailing me about getting into the Metro show- “you know i always liked you guys”- fucking die. i hate everyone. so much bullshit. hardcore was cooler before the internet and before fuckign losers paraded around yelling “mosh you faggots”. i’m sorry. anyway i think we’re actually gonna get out to detroit and play a show in early march i forget with who. we’re also playing with bloodlet and deadtofall here in march and some other shows. other than that we’re just taking some time to regroup and should hit the road latespring/early summer. it snowed here. sledding. yes. snow always reminds me of tim burton movies. if i had to live forever somewhere it’d be inside one of those. i quit.

  tim grenadexjumper: i’m going to LA when we get back blah blah

adam: i’m sick as fuck for real.

pete: don’t do it dude shes fat.

chris xbeastslayerx: but she had some dope ____ hahahaha

jim: you are what killed the core

todd: sleep.

charlie: okay so this is a tour story right?

you should know: the new TKT is good as are first kisses and letters written on napkins at four in the morning. fall out boy is recording- you will listen. tim spent a week in LA he probably has AIDS. Be at the Metro at 6:30 on sunday or i will kill you- if you’re our friend or been supporting us you will be on the list.

whats up? so we’ve been back for awhile. we’re writing for this slayer comp and the unbroken comp. tim is out of town so we can’t get a whole lot done. oh well. the new stuff we have been working on is totally boss though. you will like it.

  i’m back in school right now. boring. i think i am going to take next semester off and just do bands full time. hopefully by then between Arma and Fall Out Boy there will be no free time anyway.

uh oh new realworld is on in like ten minutes. i bet it is going to be weak as hell. they need to get me up in that motherfucking show.

other than band stuff my week has blown. i am slowly slipping out of someone’s life,not for any reason other than i am to busy with band stuff right now. it sucks. but i will just fail you right now anyway. letting people down is like the worst thing ever.

“… and in the end i got honerable mention in the movie of my life starring you instead of me… the oldest movie i ever saw was the one made together…”

i hav to say i love the guys in my band. i love the people i meet on tour. oh yeah. posi.

feb. 2nd we’re playing the metro with rise against and Agnostic Front. be there.

i’m so sorry. we got over the border late after hatebreed and didn’t realize that the show started at 2pm today. long story short we’re not going to make it. we will get there one of these days and i apoligize for this one.

  oh yeah 1700+ from three days in canada- we'r e thousandaires.