This Tell-Tale Heart

ouhhh so "banana" bread is normal but when i 🚬 put a lump of live writhing bugs and beetles that will never rest and never die but simply exist in this forever Some weird in between of earth and sky and life and death and intelligence and stupidity . yeah when i take my always on hand mound of bugs in a bowl with flour and water and baking soda and salt and sugar. you guys call it weird and fucked up

@entities-of-posts corruption?

nosferatu? no. tuferatu. no es mi problema.

no mi circo no mis feratus

i don't speak Spanish and i barely speak French but i know JUST ENOUGH Latin that this is funny. incredible. XD

Some of you might remember me talking about this when it happened- please read and be aware that strokes can happen at any age!

"Richard Nixon" is now my new favorite swear that isnt a swear

oh my god i almost forgot to tell you all about how, while my dad was visiting, i had an infestation of every single kind of bug in my house that hasn't been a problem before or since. like i'm not kidding i evicted so many creeping crawlies that week and couldn't for the life of me stop mosquitos from stealing my blood, but as soon as he left they vanished. and i mean, sure, there's a perfectly rational explanation, because two people make more mess than one and he has a habit of leaving the windows wide open enough to fly a jet engine through day and night, but i can't help but think how symbolically on the nose it was. the ancestral rot at the heart of my family so gothic it's got ants and flies buzzing around its decaying corpse.

hey so update but i haven't been harassed by a single freaky little beast since my dad left even after leaving some crumbs on the floor as an experiment to see if they attracted any ants so i think my dad might just be bugs actually

@entities-of-posts textbook corruption example lol

Seconded

went to a new optometrist today wearing my squid facts ‘save our freaks dont mine the deep’ shirt from @sarahmackattack that has a strawberry squid on it. and i wasn’t even thinking about it but the optometrist walked in and he was like ‘oh what does your shirt say’ so i showed him and he was like ‘oh that’s neat!’ and then i thought he might like to know about strawberry squid eyes since they have weird eyes and he is an optometrist and all. so i was like ‘yeah it’s actually a real kind of squid called a strawberry squid, their eyes are really cool because they have one big yellow-green one and one small blue one’ and he kind of gasped and went ‘oh my god that’s so interesting i wonder why they have that. do you know what their retina composition is like?’ and i watched as he minimized my chart on the computer and started looking up images of strawberry squid and then he googled ‘strawberry squid retina composition’ and he was like ‘sorry we’ll get to your eye exam in a moment i just really want to find out’ LMAO 10/10 optometrist experience will be returning

this is exactly my reaction when someone tells me about a Creature With An Interesting Heart. i must learn all the things about it immediately to expand my knowledge of cool heart stuff. good to know i may survive as a doctor after all. XD

I t s b a c k

IS THIS THE ORIGINAL OMG

MY NAME, IS FRICKIN MOON MOON. I’D BE THE MOST IDIOTIC WOLF. ‘OH SHIT WHO BROUGHT FUCKING MOON MOON ALONG?’

the post that started it all

oh god

Never not reblogging.

I’ve only seen this post in screenshots

I’m very surprised this post hasn’t broken a million.

damn we got 2024 tomorrow

damn we got 2025 tomorrow

damn we got 2026 tomorrow

I’m

Oh. I’m not drinking enough water

…SHIT.

How dare you call me out like this

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

I have a work friend who is a few years older than me who was intrenched in Tumblr culture at it's peak. I have a very strong suspicuion she is still active on here somewhere (if you are, you've seen my username, you definietly know who I am) because either she or I referenced the "what were YOU doing at the Devil's Sacriment?" meme without either of us batting an eye. Our other co-workers think we're hilarious. Turns out, we were just cronically online teenagers.

In an effort to avoid supporting megacorporations, I shall now be posing questions directly to tumblr that I would otherwise have googled.

If Mayonnaise is just eggs and oil, why it creamy?

Because it's also evil

Yup! It’s anything that takes up space, has mass, and is goth.

You meet god

Whole, in one gulp.

Father of the Muffin Boy

Car's haunted

Slam into a priest in a crosswalk going at least forty miles an hour

into the sky, where it turns into stars

priest has to pay for medical bills related to haunted car crashing into him

....Ah