in the land of gods and monsters

People grow when they are loved well. If you want to help others heal, love them without an agenda.

Excuse Me

I thought I was going to lay in my bathtub and drift off to sleep and they’d find my hair flowing beautifully around my pale face, but it didn’t happen that way. I thought I was going to stand on the bridge next to my house, looking back to see my parents lights still off and I’d smile. Then I would slip off my shoes and climb up to let the cold bars greet my feet and send sympathetic shivers up my spine. I’d fall off into the river and drift down to the bottom and they’d find me in the morning floating on by, and I’d look as if I was in peace, but it didn’t happen that way. I thought I was going to cry and the makeup would run perfect streaks down my cheeks, but it didn’t happen that way. I thought my suicide note was going to be neat and meaningful, but it wasn’t. It wasn’t fucking poetic. Nothing about it was fucking poetic. My makeup stained my face black to the point I looked like I had been beaten, and technically I guess I had been. And the only thing that I could make out on my suicide notes were the stains of my tears on the paper and, “My god, I am so sorry but I can’t do this.” and “Please don’t be mad at me, I need you to be okay.” and it was hardly legible. It wasn’t fucking poetic. My wrists were stained from my elbows down in large welts and blood and I was sitting beside my own bile on my bathroom floor with two bottles of pills. My mother walked in screaming on top of her lungs and my eyes wouldn’t stay open and the last thing I remember of that night was her horrified face and the last thing I felt was her tears hitting my cheeks before I woke up in a hospital room. Alive. And I can’t keep those fucking images of my mothers face and her sobs and her screaming out of my head that it makes me wish even more that I would’ve just died.

panda-jacket:

Have you ever just looked at someone and thought, “I really love you”. They’re just talking or humming or watching a movie or reading a book or laughing or something, and there’s something about them in that moment that makes you think, “I just really love you.

Scars remind us where we’ve been, but they don’t dictate where we’re going.

You don’t need to bash skinny people to say that bigger people are beautiful.

I pretend a lot of shit doesn’t get to me.

I appreciate the people who love and understand me. Even when I’m hurt and pushing people away they know me better and push back with love and support.

im at starbucks right now and some other person with a mac just put this word doc into my air drop???????????????? 

my response:

tHEY JUST CALLED OUT A FRAPPUCINO FOR SWAG MONEY (thats the name of my computer on airdrop) IM GONNA CR Y

Find someone who admires you for something less obvious.