Dont Sweet It Bro.

in primary school we had a creative writing assignment where we had to ‘write about a character in a new, strange situation!’ and i wrote about a squid that was somehow teleported from the ocean to the forest floor and slowly choked to death for two pages and i’ll never quite forget my teacher’s face because it turns out she wanted ‘this new school is scary, i hope i make friends!’ and not a graphic description of a squid dying

every time i look at the mystery gang i have this like visceral feeling that someone is missing. but nobody ever is. who are they. what happened to them

Your druid's animal companion is a goldfish in a plastic bag of water. Of course for balance purposes, it's got the stats of a bear.

Your druid’s animal companion is a second, smaller druid

And that smaller druids companion is an even smaller druid.

And that druid’s companion is the first druid again.

Orcish is, in fact, just common but yelled at the top of your lungs.

In the same way that spell-users need to spend 8 hours memorising spells, rule that fighters need to spend 8 hours working out or they run out of punch-slots.

It’s usually a full night’s sleep and then somewhere between ten minutes and two hours. Eight full hours of memorization would cripple any adventurer. I did actually read a book one time where this legendary swordsman was required to go through an hour of sword practice every morning or he lost all the powers his magic sword granted him because the spirits of the blade hate lazy people.

My buddy, my pal, I spend my time writing D&D jokes on tumblr. What part of that description makes you think I have ever, at any point in my life, been anywhere even remotely near a gym?