I have been on tumblr for a long time–– back when themed tumblrs were a huge thing. This account was made back in the early 2010s when I was still a teenager who had an obsession with old hollywood. That isn’t who I am anymore and looking back at this blog honestly makes me feel sad and uncomfortable because I was incredibly mentally unwell my first 5 years on tumblr. I don’t want to be reminded of that person and I think its time I closed that chapter. I’m in my mid/ late 20s now and while I still love tumblr, I don’t love this blog.
I have another blog, its not themed–– just filled with stuff I enjoy. You can follow here if you want to but its a secondary blog–– I made it before I really understood that secondary blogs aren’t really the same as having a separate blog, but oh well. I will keep this account because I don’t want to abandon my secondary seeing as I actively use it and love it. Thanks for being mutuals with me all this time :) I’ll still post on my secondary but I won’t be making new posts from here.
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Hello all you wonderful Ego Death readers! I have good news–– after almost 2 years I have updated with a new chapter, adding another 8k+ words. Thank you all for being so patient while I've dealt with life. I will try not to let things go so long again between updates. I am extremely grateful to everyone who has been following this fic and has been supporting me on this wild ride. Thank you from the bottom of my heart 💜 You're all the best!
Incoming thoughts from an actually autistic adult therapist who works primarily with other autistic and disabled folks:
Becca’s story line is so important because she is framed as an autonomous adult with a disability, not despite her disability. The amount of parents and caretakers who don’t presume competence in disabled people and shelter them to the point of actually causing harm is astronomical! It causes real world consequences that are most detrimental to disabled people. We should be presuming competence in disabled people, meaning that we should assume that regardless of ability, disabled adults are adults who have adult desires and we should be supporting them in safely exploring those desires.
I gave a presentation in grad school years ago about the detrimental psycho-social effects of not giving disabled students sex ed and not considering disabled sexuality in psychotherapy. When we think disabled people can’t or shouldn’t have sex, based on ableist assumptions of diminished capacity and initialization, we set disabled people up to fail. Presuming lack of interest or ability statistically leads to disabled people experiencing high rates of SA, being victimized, unintentionally crossing boundaries at best and sexually offending at worst. To see actual statistics of the real world impacts and disability studies takes on the issue continue reading below the cut.
To conclude my thoughts on why Becca's story line matters and why what The Pitt is doing with it is positive representation in a time when autistic people are under attack from governments and academic/ institutional psychology (I'm ready to fist fight Uta Frith)–– Treating Becca with dignity and respect, granting her autonomy and presuming competence opens up the door for broader conversations about access and equity. It's centering disabled experiences, using disabled voices to tell an otherwise overlooked story. Maybe this can influence actionable change. Sometimes starting the conversation is all it takes. Kudos to Tal Anderson for her work as Becca 💗
A 2017 study found that there was significant correlation between rates of unwanted sexual contact and disability status, with an earlier 2012 study reporting that sexual victimization disproportionately
affects women with intellectually and developmental disabilities. The 2012 study indicated that women with intellectual and developmental disabilities (IDD) are 1.5 to 10 times as likely to experience sexual violence as women without IDD. Further evidence of this correlation can be seen in a 2022 paper, where 88.4% of participants reported being victim of one or another form of sexual violence.
A different 2022 paper examined experiences of sex and sexuality in autistic individuals across the gender and sexuality spectrum. This paper found that although disabled people may have fewer and delayed sexual relationships, they are more likely to engage in risky sexual behaviors and may be at greater risk for sexually transmitted diseases due in part to a lack of sufficient sexual education. A 2016 study's results further emphasized the need to train adolescents with developmental disabilities through specialized sex education programs. The 2012 article also reviews comprehensive sex ed as a SA prevention strategy.
Though autism is a developmental disability and not an intellectual one, the principal of presumption of competence is applied and ignored in a similar manner across both populations and both tend to co-occur. A 2025 paper found that "sexual health literacy is critical for people with intellectual disabilities to enjoy full sexual citizenship. Despite this, limited attention has been paid to supporting people with intellectual disabilities to acquire and use sexual health literacy skills. Comprehensive education programs are needed to address this gap and ensure the rights of people with intellectual disabilities to engage in safe, pleasurable sexual experiences and enjoy good sexual health are upheld."
Further studies in social work and disability studies highlight these same sentiments about sexual literacy, sexual citizenship, and presuming competence. A 2025 paper in the British Journal of Social work reviewed young disabled people's experiences of sexual disenfranchisement within the social work system. The study explores how social workers' reluctance to address the intersection of sexual well-being and disability negatively impacted the participants and the trust between them and their social workers. The paper suggests that sexuality being deprioritized results in worse physical, mental, and emotional health outcomes and that social workers should discuss sexual well-being with service users using sex-positive perspectives.
The aforementioned articles highlight the importance of inclusive sexuality and sex ed in in preventing sexual violence and abuse. It also highlights the need for more disabled sex educators and lived experience stories being shared. More and more advocates and allies are calling for a radical restructuring and re-imagining of sex ed and sexuality, "cripping" sex education. This would "center the lived experiences of disabled people and critically examine social norms and practices that exclude or marginalize them." Becca's story line this season of The Pitt invites us to unpack systemic and structural ableism, as well as our own internalized ableism, to have conversations that challenge "deeply held assumptions about what counts as sex, who gets to be seen as desirable, and how pleasure is experienced in all its forms."
Back with some more Italian folk magic thoughts and recommendations
I believe the spirit of my Nonna was reaching out to me recently as I was decluttering in my efforts to spark change in the new year. I went through some boxes in my basement and came across her old chaplet rosary and several holy medals she kept and immediately felt a sense of immense comfort after a stressful week. Her rosary, though beautiful, is a precious and fragile heirloom and while I would love to use it in my day to day practice, I fear it’s too delicate to carry around. So for now, I will put her rosary on my altar and give it a special place.
The chaplet rosary did give me inspiration though. I’ve found in moments of intense anxiety and dysregulation I need an external means of grounding. In college I used to carry around prayer beads and say meditative chants when I was overwhelmed to keep me in the present. I’ve since lost those beads and have reconnected to my folk practice, finding that praying the rosary has a similar effect for me. After rediscovering my Nonna’s chaplet I decided to craft my own 2 decade rosary I could cary with me. Granted, I’m not really Catholic anymore and consider myself mostly secular (though I heavily resonate with animism and ancestor veneration), the rosary feels like more of an emotionally and culturally significant tool for me as opposed to a religious one.
I used sodalite beads for my rosary to help promote emotional balance. As I crafted my rosary I thought about my Nonna and my memories of her, as well as my intention of inner peace, protection, and blessing. As I worked I burned loose rose and mugwort incense to invite out the divine energy of the Madonna as well as increase the power of my intention. It was a very meaningful and personal process, but one I would recommend if you’re so inclined. Since creating this chaplet rosary I’ve carried it with me to work in case I need that external grounding. It’s given me a sense of ease and a deeper connection to my Nonna ( who I miss very much).
I try to remember to post about my reconnecting journey and folk practice every once in a while— though my last post on the topic was 6 months ago. I’ve come across more resources recently that I would highly recommend for others interested in learning about Italian folk magic that were not included in an older post I made. These are more recent publications and are more accessible than some of the academic sources I shared. These first is an academic text but it’s one I thoroughly enjoyed. Italian Witchcraft and Shamanism: The Tradition of Segnature, Indigenous and Trans-Cultural Shamanic Traditions in Italy by Dr. Angela Puca. It’s an enlightening and incredibly well researched read. She also has a YouTube channel where she discusses her work. I highly recommend checking it out.
I’d also like to recommend Della Medicina: The Tradition of Italian-American Folk Healing by Lisa Fazio for my more herbalism and green witchcraft inclined practitioners— though there’s plenty of in depth info beyond herbal remedies. I’d rate this one a 10/10– it’s super thorough and incredibly interesting. It feels like the perfect blend of academic and layman information. I really appreciated this book and it deserves some more love!
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Daniel and Louis learn more about the depths of Marius's behavior. Daniel dives into the deep end and does something he'd never dreamed he'd do. Maye he's a little crazy, maybe he's invested....
Again, I'm very cruel and evil. I'm sorry to Armand for torturing him. I just like putting my faves into situations ✌🏼
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
So uhhh this one is almost 17K.... I became possessed towards the end I think. This chapter (as usual) is fucking heavy, so be warned. You're welcome???
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter 10 of Ego Death is now up!
Do I give you some interesting and fun surprises this chapter? Yes, yes I do. But also I'm evil and enjoy angst and causing pain, so there's a hefty dose of SAD and WTF is wrong with you… so I'm sorry in advance.
Also I somehow wrote 11k+ in the span of 4 days?!? This is a long one 🫣
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It’s a weird blend of high Renaissance meets Mughal paintings. My brain trying to force book and amc backstories together created whatever this is. I think he came out so pretty! Maybe I just have to carry this around with me in case I ever meet Assad Zaman… it would be like the time I met Tamino and gave him the portrait I drew of him. Who’s being parasocial? Not me! Anyway enjoy my postcard size Armand fan art 💗
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter 7 of Ego Death (aka Armand goes to therapy) is now up! I might’ve gotten carried away with this one… it’s a little over 8k 😳 but lots of fun (painful and fascinating).
Thank you again to all of you who’ve been following this wild idea 💕
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Ego Death (AKA Armand goes to therapy) chapter 6 is now up! Fair warning, this is the darkest and most intense chapter yet. I apologize in advance for putting Armand through it™️
Thank you so much to everyone who's followed along and encouraged me! You're the best
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I am Mohammed from Gaza. Due to the war in Gaza, I lost my mother, father, and brothers, and my children and I were injured. I appeal to you to protect my children, take them out of Gaza, and help me complete my treatment abroad. I humbly request a donation of €5 or more for my innocent children. My campaign has been documented and my data verified. I am not a robot or a scammer, and you can verify my story by requesting any information you need. Please donate and share my story.
My children 👯are waiting for your donations.
Thank you very much.💐🙏
Donated! It's not much, but I try to donate when/ what I can. Please, if even 20 of my mutuals can match €5, it would be significant.
I am Mohammed Almanasra, 32 years old, married, and a fath… Mohammed Almanasra needs your support for Save Mohammad family and children t
An Archive of Our Own, a project of the
Organization for Transformative Works
Chapter 3 is now up! I can’t believe people were a) actually interested in this in the first place and b) vibing with my weird experiment of a fic. Anyway… behold, Armand goes to therapy
