everything that happens is from now on.

this is the police. open up. tell me something about yourself, don’t be afraid

if anyone ever calls you a slut just say ‘and yet i still won’t fuck you’ and then blow them a kiss as you saunter away because that’s the closest they’re ever gonna get to your magnificence, o smaug, chiefest and greatest of calamaties

Ladies real talk

i wanna look like someone who can cut you but still bakes cookies in her spare time

what did one prince say to the other prince at the ball?

you take the damsel in that dress and i’ll take the damsel in dis dress

Why do some Targets have those big red concrete orbs out in front of them what purpose do those big red concrete orbs serve

my heart says yes but my bank balance says no

i wasted my last bagel my life is over

Just get some bread and cut out a circle

i have never been so offended in my entire life

Youtube music awards? seriously? what’s next? Instagram’s next top model?

DON’T GIVE TYRA ANY IDEAS 

i love laughing about the friend zone because it’s so dumb like you know most of those dudes aren’t even IN the “friend zone” they’re in the “ugh god not this dude again” zone

fun on the right, business on the left

I’m seriously concerned my left or her left

All I do at school is watch all the girls pretend to be friends with each other