Thinking Game Asks

SI: Good point *Reaches forward and grab the ice cream* I don't want to waste it!

FO: I was being philosophical.

FO: You say that a lot.

SI: Oh, sorry, do you want me to stop?

FO: No, I'm just saying that when you stop I'm gonna notice. You better not stop.

SI: ....?

FO: Yes, SI?

SI: I still love you.

FO: I love you too.

- Your FO to you, when you ask them yet again why they're still with you when they could do so much better.

So long as we understand, that's all that matters.

- Whether you are so busy you can barely manage to think about them. - Whether you're so sad you can do little more than bury your face against their chest and cry. - Whether you are ill, mentally or physically, and are barely able to function. - Whether you are able to give all of yourself to them or not...

They'll be there through all of it. Your FO hasn't signed up for the easy life; they've signed up for YOUR life, whatever that entails. They'll be there when you need them and they'll give you space when you don't.

Your FO is perfection to you. You are unable to look at them and not be blown away by everything that they are: their appearance, their personality, their simple 'them-ness'. You marvel on a daily; neigh, secondly basis that they are yours, and you worry sometimes that they will wake up from this dream and reevaluate their relationship with you.

Daily you watch them go about their normal lives, waiting for the moment you hear they have strayed, or maybe found someone better. Day after day they return to you and you eventually ask them why: How it is that they, the one who is so perfect, can be happy with you, someone who isn't?

Your FO chuckles at the question, giving you their version of a coy look. Taking your hands they sit you down, reaching out to touch you earnestly. It is then that they reveal that they've had many prepositions from others while they've been with you. They admit that it's hard for them to go a single day without someone asking for their hand in marriage.

Panicked, you are ready to start a tirade about how they shout pick one of those people , or maybe how they one day will, but your FO cuts you off with a look.

"I don't want anyone else," they tell you, smiling at the look of astonishment on your face.

'How could they want you, when some of those others were surely more suitable for them?' you can't help but think.

Reaching out with both hands now, your FO cups your face, meeting your eyes with their own.

"I have everything I need right here, in this room, held between my palms. I don't care how many others say they want me, I don't care what they look like, my heart belongs to you and where my heart goes, I go also."

The words are corny and you can't help but laugh, relief flooding through your body as you finally pull your FO into the hug you know they've been dying for since they returned.

Your FO says nothing more on the matter. They give little thought to the others who might want them, because the only one they want wanting them is you, and while you do, they have no reason to stray and certainly no desire to do so.

It's the first time you'd done this with your FO: Gone to the coast.

It might not have appealed to you before now, and maybe it didn't even appeal now, but one of you convinced the other to go, and now you found yourselves sat on a bench, the vast blueness of the ocean stretching out before you.

You both remain silent for some time, just watching the water as it moved towards and away from you both rhythmically. You wanted to say something, but your FO seemed captivated and instead you kept your thoughts to yourself. You didn't want to disturb them, but while they seemed so at peace.

Eventually, your FO turns to look at you, a smile gracing their features and softening them into even greater perfection. You met their gaze, the ocean forgotten because you noticed little else when you were caught in their stare.

"I thought I'd lost you for a moment there," you whisper, referring to the water.

"You didn't lose me," your FO replied, their hand moving to trace your skin lightly. "I was marvelling at the fact I'm seeing this with you; the two of us alone, sharing a marvel of your universe."

"Our universe," you corrected, unable to stop yourself. Your FO might not have always been comfortable in your world, but you loved it when they were there and you were able to show them the best our dimension had to offer.

"You remain the bigger marvel in this world," your FO couldn't help but add, their eyes dropping from yours to your lips. You felt your breath catch and irrationally you wondered about others around you, but you could hear only the waves. It was as though you were alone in this place; as though the very ocean itself belonged to yourself and your FO only.

Closing your eyes you moved closer, meeting your FOs lips with your own, the waves a soundtrack to an act you'd done countless times, and yet savoured each and every time.

Pulling away, your FO turned back to look at the waves, chuckling to themselves. "I could grow to like your world," they mused, as if to themselves.

"Take my hands now, you are the cause of my Euphoria."

One look into their eyes tells you that they mean the words from the bottom of their heart.

Because I can't, you just killed me!

But I wouldn't have it any other way 😍

Being able to take a proper couple's selfie with your FO and posting it to social media for all to see, as though saying, 'see, I told you they were real'.

Those were the words that escaped your FOs mouth as you ranted to them, then hastily apologised. You were having a bad day, one of the many that seemed to create the current norm, and you were starting to become sick of yourself. You dreaded to think how your FO was feeling about things, but then they said those words, and you had found yourself confused.

“I don’t need you to pretend that everything is perfect,” your FO clarified, shrugging as they did so. “Do you think it bothers me that you are human and have flaws? I have flaws too, we all do, if you didn’t show them to me then you wouldn’t be showing me all of you, and I love everything you are, not just the good parts.”

You watched them silently, trying to work out if they could really mean those words. Sure, you knew that you didn’t mind when they ranted or had bad days, but that was them and this is you. You had to abide by different rules, didn’t you?

“Never be afraid to be yourself around me,” your FO adds, when you stay silent. “I can handle it. Anything you are thinking; anything you are feeling, unload it all onto me, that is why I am here.”

And silently, they pull you into their arms, holding you close. You had been unable, and unwilling, to struggle away. You needed this, and you had needed those words.

Going out of their way to make you comfortable. It isn’t just the small things either. They practically turn their life upside down to accommodate your needs, so much so that it makes you feel decidedly uneasy.

You simply can’t understand why this person; this amazing person, would want to do that for someone like you.

Maybe you even ask them one night. Perhaps you are tired by this point, waiting for the moment where they admit it was all a joke, and so you are blunt.

“Why the hell are you wasting your time with me?” you demand, catching your FO off guard.

Still, they recover quickly, “I don’t want anyone else but you,” they tell you, taking hold of your hands and gazing into your eyes. They had a way of doing that which disarmed you, but you forced yourself to stay strong.

“You deserve someone better than me,” you reply, turning away from them. “You deserve someone who can do this back to you.”

It wasn’t that you didn’t want to give them everything, but you struggled with that degree of trust; of intimacy. You had your way of doing things, and though you had let your FO in, you hadn’t yet reached their level of devotion and honestly, you weren’t sure you ever would.

“I don’t want anyone else,” your FO whispers, pulling you gently into their arms. “you are perfect, I want you.”

“But I’m not perfect,” you whisper, closing your eyes and trying so hard not to believe them; not to trust that they could be real.

“You are perfect to me,” your FO replied, stroking your hair, their eyes closed.

You have tried so hard to keep them at bay; to fight off their advances and to find something to mistrust in their actions, but no matter how many roadblocks you’ve placed before them, your FO has remained by your side. They’ve accepted all your flaws, and irrationality, and they’ve stayed strong. When they say they want to be with you forever, was it possible they really meant it?

“I will tell you I want to be with you every day, if it will make you believe me,” your FO adds, when the silence begins to stretch.

Unable to stop yourself, you chuckle. “You...might just have to,” you admit, though you finally allow yourself to turn to look at them; to meet their gaze.

Learning what it sounds like when your FO falls asleep. We don’t mean the snoring, we mean the process itself. We mean the moment when you are laying together, and you hear the telltale sounds of them beginning to drift off. Maybe their breathing changes. Maybe they have a few movements they make, like clockwork, every night before they fall asleep. If it is light enough, maybe you can see their expression change from pensive to peaceful. Maybe then you can hear their breathing begin to relax and recognise that this is the time they are fully lost to their dreams. Perhaps you learned this because you were simply curious, or because you struggle to sleep and wanted to make sure it was safe to move without waking them, and so you unconsciously studied them. But now you know a little something about them that no one else knows, and as the routine plays out night after night, you feel yourself grow ever closer to your FO. This is a side of them that no one else could possibly know, and you freaking love it.