A

and that you’re getting everything you ever wanted

but I’d be lying If I said

I didn’t hope that your new guy is the kind of boring that makes my face flash across your mind as you climax

sipping on a glass of house red

realizing that these people, aren’t my people

which ignited an engine of thought inside me..

but not in that romantic sense

or the way people

blame the moon on their outbursts

No, I feel empty most of the month

gradually filling myself up

to be full of light only for a moment

then sink again into that dark night

it still sits in my dresser

back in my hometown

where we first met

that rose

its still whole

though we are not

that rose

it still draws me back

though I have run too far

that

damn

rose

it’s all I have left of us

though I have left it there

where it’s safe from me

safe from the world

safe from tragedy

the very tragedy we absorbed

the drowning anguish of love

soaked deep into our hearts

lost forever in our sea of sorrow

that rose

it’s still aflame in that dresser

light piercing through the gaps

though it remains locked tight

that rose beckons

-A

(Charcoal on canvas 80cm)

& I helped her

now I sit here pale as a ghost

a ghost of myself

an empty bottle

eyes glazed over

staring into the past

it took me a long time to realise

I’ve been gifted a fresh start

a pale blank canvas of potential

an empty vessel of opportunity

a translucent Adam

I no longer fill that bottle with cheap kisses

from nameless girls

in dark corners of unknown bars

I can colour myself again with brush strokes

of self-love and appreciation

pouring from the heavens inside

I’ve been to a thousand bars

drinking solemnly in dim lit corners

but I still people-watch,

and feel something soft in me

when I see they’re in love

I check my message requests a hundred times a day