Sometimes I feel like I only work with art because I got lucky. I was just there, drawing, and then someone came up to me and said "Wow, thatâs beautiful! Iâll pay you to make more of these for me, are you up for it?" and I said "yes." But now I find myself in the middle of a massive industry, surrounded by people who study, dedicate themselves, spend hours racking their brains, watch tutorials, fill up sketchbook after sketchbook⌠whereas I never stopped to really study art. I just drew because I liked the feeling. The idea of ââstopping all the things to study art makes me feel drained. I enjoy learning new things, but I can only do one thing at a time â either I study, or I work.
Often, while working, I feel like Iâve snapped out of a trance and suddenly see myself in the middle of a crowd of people who know exactly what theyâre doing; Iâve just woken up there and thought, "Damn, how did I end up here?â I wasn't even paying attention, I was just⌠there. Quietly drawing for myself. And now Iâm in a position where I need to commit and improve, but I don't have the time because Iâve been placed in a professional work environment prematurely.
I find pleasure in many things, not just art. I really enjoy cooking, learn new languages, write, make music. Since art was the first thing I was ever paid to do, it feels like I followed this path simply because I was steered that way, I didn't realize I could question that choice. Now that Iâm older â and understand that questioning things won't cause the world to collapse â I wonder if I ever truly wanted to pursue a career as an artist.
