Things Fade

I found you,

no, I don't want this

I want to stay in love with you I want your eyes to hold the truths of the cosmos, still.  I want you to be the most beautiful human alive, still.  I want to remember this feeling,  my heart full of passion and tenderness and sacrifice I want to remember this pain,

even if it holds no lesson.  I want to feel your smile scar my heart with marks that I considered unfadable, still.  I want to imagine the depth of your breath on my neck, like a wind and a storm from the desert, still. 

you can do everything pretty well, but nothing perfectly,  so you're not "competition" and you can be wild, but you know where to stop so you're not "embarassement" you're like a bath of lukewarm water who doesn't like that?

When you talk about yourself, you have no merits so people think you're being modest all your ex boyfriends say you're kind and nice but in the end they all left you you've been around, everything was great did something actually impress you?

You were too responsible to ever start with self-destruction the girl all parents want, but wait! with flaws, so daughters can relate stylish, but not a fashion victim well-read, not an overachiever talented, but far from genial

but who are you? Tired of all the struggling, you forgot yourself every spiteful word you could have said, you swallowed so that nobody would be hurt so that nobody would get angry so that nobody would ever have to suffer for your actions 

and then when you lay down at night you wonder if somebody's ever going to find you if somebody's ever going to come around  and tell you "look! There you've been, all this time I kind of like you" and you will start counting all the flaws you've drowned inside yourself and they will say that they don't matter

isn't this a dangerous dream? so you also unlearned how to dream

because these are not thoughts for nice girls

(and what, if it never happens)

I wrote Opera between the end of 2012 and the beginning of 2013. Maybe you won't like it. Maybe you will find it poin...

there is nothing there, just me, the white paper, and the scenes playing in my mind

everything is quiet, like at the bottom of the abyss,  there's no light but still,  I'm shining.