I think that we as a society should get more comfortable with the idea that sometimes our friends will be attracted to us and sometimes we will be attracted to our friends and nothing needs to come of that.
You don't have to date. You don't have to stop being friends. You can just keep hanging out. Self control and respect exists.
And sometimes you will date your friend and figure out that your dynamic worked better when you were friends. And then you can go back to being friends. It's really quite simple. Mature and cool, even.
Even requited attraction doesn't need to be acted upon. Two people can be mutually attracted to each other and still decide not to date or not to change the dynamic of their friendship. People who are dating can mutually decide it worked better as a friendship, even if the attraction persists.
Feelings are just feelings. Not all feelings need to be realized as actions. It's very mature and cool to still treat people like people even after learning about their feelings, whatever they are.
Crushes come and go like beautiful weather and you need not do anything but enjoy the lovely day.
I feel like developing crushes on a friend is very common among queer people and I hate the way people are shamed. I developed crushes on my close friends in high school. I was confused and ashamed. I didn’t know why I felt so uncomfortable when they got boyfriends, I just didn’t want to talk about it. I found out later that I was a lesbian.Â
I met a girl in college and I was close friends for a while. I finally realized I was queer and fell for her. Hard. After a year, we began dating. We’re still together after three and a half years. Both of us have come to the conclusion that we’re likely demi, as we both had similar experiences of falling for our close friends in high school.
It’s okay to have a crush on your friend. It’s normal. What’s not okay is developing feelings for your friend and feeling like you’re owed a romantic relationship with them. Or if they say no and you keep pursuing. But developing feelings? That’s okay, as long as you respect the other person’s wishes.Â
I really dislike the way some people talk about love as if it’s this neat little thing that can be fit into perfect boxes. That romantic love and platonic love are mutually exclusive, when they absolutely aren’t. And besides, every single relationship you have with someone is unique. Your love for one person isn’t going to look like your love for another person.Â
