do you ever feel like you're not wanted?

I don’t know what happened yesterday, my calorie intake was average, I had 389kcal and burned 210kcal walking. I felt good all day but then in the evening it got weird, I was cold and hot at the same time and really lightheaded, nothing unusual but it triggered some kind of anxiety attack and I kept thinking “what if I just don’t wake up one day?”  and to be honest it scared me, I’ve pretty much ignored all the health risks because “it’s not gonna happen to me, right?”  but last night really got me thinking, I wanted to eat but I couldn’t. I want to recover and be healthy but I am still not skinny/good/perfect enough. I feel like my body is shutting down and my weight is not even that low.. I should probably take my vitamins again but I am scared that if I do my period comes back and that’s the last thing I want. writing this down right now I realize how fucked up all of this is but my mind is still trying to rationalize it