Little Requin @requincouche - Tumblr Blog

Diaper check please

I don't have any recent pictures of myself, sorry.. Here is one from the coucherequin archives ^^

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You mentioned that you have to wear diapers to bedwetting and I'm curious, do you have to wear them to school or no? Sorry to hear that you were bullied while in primary school.

Hello, thank you for the ask <3

This is a small misunderstanding, I think. Yes, I couldn't stay dry at night until around age ~7, but this didn't extend into the day or into school. Don't worry about the bullying ^^, it was a long time ago, I'm an adult now with my own adult worries and wishes. Life goes on, and our quest continues!

#me #self #text post #text #dylanlee90 #asks #askme #ask away #ask me anything #ask

Welcome back! You've been gone for a long time.

How are you doing? Health? Life changes? Share what's comfortable...of course.

(I've also been absent for awhile...recovering from a mishap...long healing)

Thank you for the Ask and for caring about me through sending your messages and comments ❤️. I try to answer all of them as soon as I can. Though, sometimes it takes me a week or more to gather the mental energy to properly commit to tumblr ^^

I was holding this Ask back, cus I had wanted to write about a personal thing, though I decided to put those words into a separate post, right before this one.

I hope that you're doing okay, you said "recoering from a mishap, long healing"; that does not sound good!!!

Hm, well, there's many things that I could write again; but I'm tired right now and I wanna stay positive. My work contract is gonna expire soon, and I still don't have a new contract yet. I'm soliciting a lot and I've had a few interviews but it kinda sucks being told I'm not experienced enough, especially considering I'm 35 years old and have 11 years work experience... Though, such arguments can be said without logical basis, if the real argument is too ugly (or illegal) to mention. On the one hand I don't really mind being unemployed for a few months, it'd really make me able to relax a bit (I think), catch up on so much of life, though on the other hand I also kinda worry that I'd just need to continue my current research work unpaid which I don't really want to do. My boss was already mentioning that I can take my work laptop home with me after my contract ends. Well, of course I wanna see my work projects finished, and preferably with me as first-author on the publications, though I don't really wanna put hundreds of hours of my free time into it. Hm, well, let's see about that. If you're wondering what I'm talking about; I work as a postdoc right now, which is sort-of a research position that you do after you've completed a PhD; you're not yet an assistant professor, but you already have a doctorate. It's like a no-man's land where everything is possible but at the same time nothing is possible cus you don't have project grants. I learned a lot during this period, but I also learned about all my physical and mental limits, even more so than what I did during my doctorate. Hm, but I'm also not the 25-year old kiddo anymore who'd work 7 days per week until 10 pm xD, I just don't have the stamina any more. At least, if I continue too long, I just crash the next day. I still do love what I do; doing lab work, analysing data, writing manuscripts; I've always loved doing these things and I'd continue doing it forever if my finances allowed for it. As for whether I actually wanted to move into a professorship position; well I doubt it. But, we can only write our own destiny so far.

Talking about writing; I realize that my casual writing here on tumblr isn't of very high quality, but I am finally allocating a bit of my time to writing a novel ^^. I'm not sure yet whether I'd wanna share that here, but I can still mention that I'm working on it. It's been such a breath of fresh energy into my life to devote my time into such a passion project.

It isn't a nsfw novel, though. My favorite writing style is multi-POV where each chapter is written from a strict first-person POV, i.e. the reader sees the world through the eyes of that character. What it enforces is a distinct thinking/speaking style, but also a very strict set of rules governing how characters only know about facts and events if they have heard about it, even though the reader knows much more than that. I think that creates an unusual tension that is unique to this writing style. This first novel is sort-of an exploration phase, as it's my first long-format work that isn't purely scientific. I was aiming for around 150.000 words, and I'd say that I'm roughly halfway with the work right now. If you want to, you could tell me whether I should publish it somewhere, or just keep it to myself for now ^^.

As for other stuff... I'm planning to go to Dokomi soon ^^. I always forget to post to tumblr during anime conventions, though maybe it's also for the best that I don't.. And then a little while after that, I'm gonna go to Japan Expo Paris !!! So much fun things upcoming

#me #self #picture #photo #pic #ab/dl #photos #ab/dl blog #infantilism #ab/dl lifestyle #abena m4 #abena #on bed #sitting on bed #pajama #pajamas #ab dl #abdl #ab/dl little #dd/lg little #little space #littlespace

I've been meaning to write about something for a long time. It kinda even puts me on edge (as in, mildly stressful, not the sexual kind), not knowing whether it'll be received well or with distaste. I've never hidden my body beyond what isn't allowed on tumblr. That is to say; as tumblr doesn't actually allow nsfw, or maybe it does; I still don't really understand considering all the accounts that get removed left and right, I've mostly tried to sketch a cute persona of myself as coucherequin / requincouche. Notwithstanding, the person in the photos and the person behind the writing is me. It's who I am. None of my pictures are generated, and the photo editing I do is limited to colors, highlights, and other typical raw-ish photo edits, and blurring of my face for preserving my privacy. That way, I feel comfortable, and safe. However, for as long as I can remember, I have never been myself and I have never felt comfortable with myself. It's a feeling that I never understood, and misattributed to various things; clothing, hairstyle, make-up, skin care, jewelry, shoes, accessories, and probably other stuff. During my teenage years, and into my late 20s, I masked the feelings with (over) studying and (over) working myself. It worked, for the most part, though it left me quite lonely and unfulfilled (and tired xD). At age 23, I finally was able to move out, and I started living on my own. I wanted to find a solution to my feelings. I visited a dermatologist to get my acne treated, and a skin-care specialist (not sure what they're called) to treat scarring. I visited an ophthalmologists to get surgery for strabismus. I changed my dietary habits to be as healthy as possible becoming mostly vegetarian. I pushed myself to attend every event and party that I wanted to, but previously never dared to. I pushed myself to try to have as much fun as possible. I started sharing my home with others, as a way to share costs but also to socialize. I think that it helped me to grow as a person. I think that it also helped me to understand others better, enjoy my life more, feel that I have agency over myself, and many other good stuff. Though, I continued to overwork myself to mask my feelings.

Despite my best efforts, a lot of activities that were supposed to be fun just weren't actually fun to me. I could be sitting at a restaurant with friends, enjoying the food, and then it'd hit me that I don't actually enjoy the food cus I thought that the food is wasted on me, I think that everyone dislikes me, and I want to go home. The fun I had felt mostly fake. I considered many times to get professional help for it, but I never dared to. For the next few years this remained as-is. I pushed myself hard to have fun, and I'm sure that I smiled and laughed at times, though upon returning home the feeling was the same. I'm not sure what ultimately broke me and convinced me to get help; my dear cat passing away, amazing friends being there for me, enduring me, and giving me advice, moving to a new home, or just the realization that there is nothing beyond this life. If I don't enjoy it, I either accept it or try my best to change something. Talking about myself to a psy was challenging, cus I've self-taught myself a lot of bad and good coping mechanisms over the years that prevent me from thinking and talking about myself. And the thought that I'm wasting their time and resources never quite left me. We've gone over and ruled out a lot of things; childhood trauma (see also my other blog posts if you want more of my overshare xD, though I did not discuss bedwetting or littlespace with them cus that is a step too far for me), autism (which I don't have, though I still show a little bit of it according to them), and depression (which would be an easy conclusion considering what I just wrote). What we landed on, and what I had prepared myself for as I had suspected it for a long time, is gender dysphoria. The thing is, that I've socially been living as a woman for a long time, and I certainly don't look like a male in any of my pictures. However, virilization is getting to me and it's getting more difficult now that I'm in my 30s. After consultation, I started hrt last year, and it has made such an improvement to my mental health (and to my physical appearance), I almost can't believe it myself. There's whole books that I can write about this, but I feel that I have already overshared enough for one blog post. Thank you for reading my message. I hope that you're well. Love yourself <3