Thif

artists fuck better because we turn sex into art, masterpieces, mattresses become canvases where we can paint our love to someone with bodies.

its like, impossible to come up with anything funnier than the experience of seeing this post

pharoahs fuck better because they ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh put the pussy in a scarmophogoghs

World Heritage Post

Having a job is an awesome way to stay hydrated because you get so bored you start drinking water just for a little excitement

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

i have this deadly sickness called remembering

Context for anyone who is wondering: Lamine Yamal's parents won an UNICEF raffle for a charity photoshoot in which Barça players posed with kids, and 5 month old Lamine happened to get 20yo Messi. Which is like. Literally insane

you're just mad because you're hungry and tired and your legs hurt and you head hurts and you're too hot and you have depression

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

i just got the "see where your blood has gone!" email from giving blood but it glitched and just showed me my current location. which. theyre not wrong. that is where most of my blood is

god the horrible urge to vague post is eating me alive but i must

someone wronged me once

I mean i quite like my brain, i’m really very fond of it i just think it’s a design failure that i can’t pop it out of the ole skull basket every night and plug it in to recharge. travesty really

This is brainwashing propaganda

"Whimsy" is truly a wretched term. What maketh thee so carefree?

thy mother

Art thou for fucking real

World Heritage Post

I love tumblr because somehow I can end up being mutuals with a celebrity (someone that wrote a fic that I loved)

World Heritage Post

has anyone noticed recently that it's expensive

times like these really make you appreciate pouring river water in your socks