Based Blog

Maybe I wouldn’t be so sad if I listened to more Katy Perry and less Thom Yorke.

Maybe I just brainwash myself into being like this. That would be nice

wouldn’t it?

Because then I would have an identifiable reason, and that would mean I could fix it. Then maybe I wouldn’t feel so.... 

Hopeless?

Broken.

Instead it feels like I’m fighting this futile battle. This invisible entity inside of me that keeps dragging me the fuck down. Everyone else is zooming past me and I keep trying to swim upwards just to breathe. I have lead for blood and no matter how bad I want to float I just keep sinking and it is something I cannot escape. 

I’m calling out for help but I’m so far underwater, and my lungs are full of sorrow and misery. I have this giant hole in my chest that keep filling up with water and I just want to be outside of myself. 

I don’t want to feel empty. I don’t want to stare at my wall for hours on end. I don’t want to think about how existing doesn’t matter to me anymore.

 I don’t want to cry.

 I thought feeling numb was happiness for the longest time and now everything is messed up and I am confronted with the reality that is  

some cute cuttlefish

Georgia Aquarium

Georgia aquarium feat, Whale Sharks

Georgia aquarium

One of my favorites from the trip.