jackson joyce, "11:05am, sunday," 2024, oil on canvas
will byers stan first human second

izzy's playlists!
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we're not kids anymore.
$LAYYYTER
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JBB: An Artblog!

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@thia-a
jackson joyce, "11:05am, sunday," 2024, oil on canvas

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“Do it scared” “do it alone” are all great tips, but my biggest takeaway from therapy is do it messy. This is especially true if you’re getting out of a burnout, which I experience often. Literally just do it messy. You don’t need to pick the perfect trail to walk, the perfect playlist to listen to, whatever the fuck it is. You don’t need to have a meticulous to do list and wake up at the exact time you planned and drink the exact amount of water you planned to drink. Like the biggest thing for people like me to remember is sometimes it’s okay to do it messy. Put on a random yt workout and just get it done in sweats. Do 5 minutes of a daunting task and go from there. Sometimes just getting up is a win during intense burnouts or depressive funks. Literally just do it messy.
Journal
Treat yourself
Always upgrade your looks
Drink some champagne
Buy yourself some lingerie
Workout
Do your skincare
Read
Change that man if he fucking up with your nervous system
Go out
Look good
Make some money
Repeat.

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The older I get the more convinced I become that the most genuinely attractive quality a woman can have is the visible impression that her life is full without you in it. Not performed aloofness, not manufactured scarcity, not games, an actual life with actual substance and actual joy that does not have a vacancy sign hanging in the window waiting for someone to come along and make it worthwhile. That quality is built through the accumulation of genuine experiences, genuine interests, genuine friendships, genuine ambitions, and it cannot be faked in any sustained way because it is either there or it is not. Build the life first. The rest follows from that and follows easily.
Remember that if you want to do more of something, you have to do less of something else. It's that time of year where people set goals for the new year and they have plans and hopes and it's always focusing on what they want to do more of. More studying, more exercise, more crafting, more socialising, more making things from scratch. Okay, great. What are you going to do less of in order to have the time and energy to do more of those things you really want to do?
And if your answer to this is "less doomscrolling" or "less bedrotting" then great, but please think about why you're doing those things. No one's doomscrolling or bedrotting because they don't have things they'd rather be doing. Actually, I'm willing to bet you have a lot of things you'd rather be doing and you spend your life internally screaming at yourself to do literally any one of the many things you want to be doing instead, but you don't have the energy for them all and you can't work out how to prioritize them, so doomscrolling spares you from making that decision. Or perhaps you're burned out from taking on too many projects and you need to rest your brain, so you lie in bed because you don't even have the energy to get started anymore.
This is going to be a really hard pill to swallow, but the truth is you might not be able to balance all your hobbies and all your projects the way you'd like. If you want to finish writing that book, you might have to reduce your daily drawing habit to a couple of times a week. If you want to do yoga every morning, you might have to accept not cooking from scratch as often. If you want to spend more time with your family, you might have to cut down on your yearly reading goal. I'm not saying give up on your hobbies; I'm be realistic with your time and your energy and be kind to yourself. Stop expecting yourself to do more and do better every single year. You don't have to constantly be growing upwards and reaching for the stars; you can be content with where you are, or even cut parts of yourself back to make space for other things in your life to bloom.
Think about what your priorities are and make peace with doing less of other things. Less is okay. Less is not failing. Less is self care.
October 9 MSG let’s fucking goooooooo
So much anxiety attached so many things that aren’t attached to me.

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This woman in her mid 40s who just started working at the yoga studio is so skittish and she always seems to come into a room as if she is forcing her presence on us, so I started chatting her up and I find out she just moved here, has 3 kids, and feels that everyone is dedicated to misunderstanding her. I found it so interesting because she feels like the epitome of a held breath just waiting for something to go wrong. is it that people are dedicated to misunderstanding her or is it that she is uncomfortable in every room she walks into? Instead of countering her intuition I told her “oh you know who will just love you?” And introduced her to two other women I know who are in her age group. Now they’re all friends and every time she comes to the studio she seems much more comfortable :) if she had continued to stay stuck in her narrative, who knows what would happen, she certainly wouldn't have these new friends who cherish her.
as a woman you need to be so careful with yourself and very very protective because the world will not protect you. We see it every single day, the girls being asked what were you wearing, the murder victims having their private business splashed all over the news as if that justifies their killers actions, the domestic abuse victims being told that they are in fact the abusers and being terrorized by female fans, friends and family members, the little girls raised by male-centred woman hating mothers and of course the classic all powerful ''she should have chosen better" after anything bad happens to a woman. Vet, vet and vet again, keep standards sky high, focus on your money, education and career and run like hell at the sight of a pink flag much less red, what's on the line for you is safety and happiness in world that makes it clear it thinks we are not entitled to either. You have much more at risk and to lose than you think.
top 3 books that are burned in your core
okay that's really difficult but for the spirit of the moment I will discuss
the hour of the star. I first read lispector because my Portuguese ex told me I write like this obscure writer he was forced to read in school. I found an English copy and (btw he was not complimenting me he was telling me he felt like my work made no sense and was too symbolic) I stayed up until 3 am reading it not once but TWICE. it completely turned me inside out. I was never the same. she haunted me for years, I couldn't write without leaning into her voice and I eventually had to force myself to not read her so that she wouldn't influence me.
Anna Kerenina. I read this for the first time when I was probably 13 and it struck me how neurotic she was from the start but in this very deep seated sort of way. every word in that book creates its own atmosphere. you can read it in 2 days or 2 years and be struck by its power every time. watching her unravel paired with chapters from the other characters felt like glimpsing a part of my own mind that I had not yet grown into. I felt like it foreshadowed experiences in my life in a very strange and particular way.
I am really torn between the motorcycle diaries and if an Egyptian cannot speak English. both represent culture for me in different ways. if an Egyptian cannot speak English came to me at a time where I, a mixed girl, was starting to separate myself from certain parts of my Arab identity. it was a humbling read.
Unfortunately his kisses were wonderful because of the vape he smokes.

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PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (2005)
i’m in a weird place in life. i wanna learn how to create. for example you like to take pictures and do photoshoots with your friends and create art in that way! whereas i’m struggling to find something to channel my energy and pain into. any advice?
watch interviews, read biographies, listen to so much music, talk to strangers, read magazines, go to libraries, record stores, always give your brain something to be curious about. force yourself to practice creating. the brain and the creative process are both things that need to be nurtured and need training. creating isn’t just about having one creative outlet or jumping just when you have inspiration it’s about finding creation in everything you do.