If the weather was a dick it'd be

What else are you going to build in the snow? A snow man? Don't be silly.

...proudly giving out the beej. I got my period today but luckily my mouth still works. Happy Friday!

Need ideas on staying cool this weekend? Put your junk on ice.

I don't even have the energy to write this. This heat wave is a real face melter. Hand me my towel, pool boy.

...a handful. What's missing from my Fourth of July menu? Corn on the cob, hotdogs, popsicles...hmmmm.

...poolside, and jammed between some girls thighs.

...diamonds. That is all.

... a hair dryer with the diffuser on full blast and aimed right at my sausage wallet.

...saying, "What. The. Fuck?!?" Sure it's another sunny day in LA but that doesn't mean everything is hunky-dory. Fuck it. Here's hoping this Viking-American girl has a better sunny day tomorrow and you do too.

...squirrel-ly. I'm posting via iPhone while my Mac goes to band camp for a week in Cupertino. ANYWAY, it's a cool morning here in downtown Los Angeles with a chance of a blazing motherfucking hot afternoon. They'll say it's 72 degrees but it will feel like 100. Store your nuts in a cool place.

Or rather, GOING DOWN ON IT, yes!

If the weather was a dick today it'd be...a double sided dildo. Because its that kind of weather where it's on the cusp of spring/summer or summer/fall. It's going both ways. Like you did back in your experimental days at college.

Dickweather Chicago is officially out of hibernation. Hello, lover. These chonies are extra grande because they are hecho en mehico. With extra crema fresca. Viva las vergas. I've been working on my Spanish.

and by grilling I mean grilling.