I remember going to hotels which have their own gyms, buildings within buildings, where deeper past the lobby you come to another set of glass doors with another reception desk. I remember swimming pools where the ladder is designed wrong, built into the wall, so that the last step out of the pool is like hauling yourself out of the ocean, like a prehistoric creature taking its first wriggle on land, grazing yourself on the tile edges. I remember long hallways in university buildings where you can turn right four times and somehow not end up in the place where you started, but somewhere else instead; rooms that split in two, with loose pieces of wall leaning to one side next to stacks upon stacks of plastic chairs with pilling cushions.
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Keep forgetting to crosspost my essays here, but here's a new one totally out of the blue! Out of the limb-numbing, horizon-smearing white? Whatever it's Fargo!
Brutal murders in the snowed-under wasteland of the American Midwest! Girl power!
I don't know if you ever got around to reading the rest of it, but because of your 100 comics blog post I read the Deviant in less than a few hours, that shit SLAPPED. really heartfelt without being saccharine, action was resolved a little fast in the last issue but I was very impressed they were able to pull off the whole thing tastefully and stick the landing, while also pushing some boundaries (lot of people wouldn't have any sympathy for the characters in the series if they're not already in the queer community + critical of the justice system). Really felt like it was in dialog with a lot of obsession over true crime (as well as fictional serial killers) and poking at the little heart of why it enamors/disgusts people with a stick.
Yeah, the DEViANT was definitely a standout. The true-crime metatext in particular felt like it was operating at a higher level than most of the other comics I was discussing. I can totally see how all the stuff you're describing would factor into it.
I intend to write "The 100 COMICS Epilogues" at some point, if only because it'll be a really easy post to bash out. The only problem is that Nights is still in serialisation—I guess I'll just read the first three volumes of it? Anyway, stay tuned for that! Nice to know the post is helping people find good comics.
Heya, I hope I got the right account for this but did you set up "The Complete Lost Light Playlist"? If so, I just wanted to say thank you, I've been referring to that list and playlist a lot over the past two years! Thank you so much preserving, sharing, and curating it, you have no idea how helpful and nice this has been. Hope you're well, take care!
Yep that me!
Fun fact, I recently made a worksafe, cut-down version of the playlist, which I put on at work sometimes. I imagine that one day a MTMTE fan will walk in and get absolutely flashbanged by it.
Your ask has reminded me to check on the YouTube playlist. It was in a dire state. A withering, barren garden. I've done my best to replace the unavailable Topic videos, with identical, available Topic videos for the same songs. Normal, functioning website.
I'm sadly not so heavily involved in Transformers fandom these days, but I'm doing okay! I've been devoting a lot of time to my own writing. In terms of music stuff, I recently wrote a breakdown of the Rosie Tucker album UTOPIA NOW!, which you might enjoy. Anyway, it's really nice to hear that some of the work I did in those mines is still proving helpful for people!
(Your artwork is lovely by the way. Fantastic colour tones.)
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My local comic store was selling boxes of 100 random indie comics for a tenner each. So I bought one and read every single issue in it. And reviewed all of them.
I bought a box of 100 random indie comics and this is a review of all of them
The box contained books by critical darlings and literally-whos, movie tie-ins and movie pitch-decks, and way, way too many comics about vampires, orcs, CEOs, and the Earth-shaking war between Heaven and Hell. I guess this was just the state of play in the indie comics world, as of... the start of 2024? That's where all this liquidation stock came from. See if any names you like are in there! And pray I'm nice about them!
The triplicate suns are setting over Paradise Rock, the last of their light glimmering over Lake Lackadaisical as the waves lap. I am sitting in a chair I have dragged out onto the roof of my house. The power flowers have just finished folding up, like hands gently clasped, a window closed, a book put aside before bed. A green-tufted barrel-roller is barrel-rolling overhead. The temperature is a cool 15.4 degrees, which is pretty balmy in my opinion. I sip cordial (CARBON, HYDROGEN, OXYGEN) with a straw (CARBON).
Today, I skimmed over an ocean (NITROGEN) in my hydrofoil, in pursuit of semilevitating leviathans, unseen by mortal eyes prior. The smallest and youngest of the pod was the only one that reacted to my existence; in fear, or arrogance—I could devote years just to distinguish which it had been—it tried to eat me. I think the older ones were maybe inured to strange sights, or perhaps just senile. My vessel’s forcefield protected me as I reached the creature’s oesophagus and I used my laser to dig my way out through its cranium, which was technically a first for me I think, but all the while all I could think was that physically the experience was basically indistinguishable from the times I’ve driven a vehicle into a chasm by accident; rock, bone, it’s always easiest just to carve a new tunnel back up and out. I dined on its steak. Then I had some time to kill, so I asked my suit for a show that would be starting imminently and ending before sundown back home; I don’t sleep, but I have decided that the sunsets on Paradise Rock are particularly beautiful. It found me a planet where a prodigy would be performing their opus, so I watched that—it was my second time seeing it, I think—before teleporting back to my house to sit on my roof.
“I’m bored,” I say.
Then I wait for the reply, to be made, and relayed to me by my suit. The barrel-roller barrel-rolls into the upmost fronds of the forest and disappears from view. It is a precious moment of dead time, where I have something to look forward to.
“Hi bored, I’m Lex,” says Lex. It sounds like they are right next to me, just outside my field of view, but almost touching. “Are you really bored? You can’t really be bored, can you? Wow. It’s been my life’s dream to meet you, bored.”
“No way, that’s so crazy,” I say.
“What is?” they say.
“That it’s your life’s dream to meet me, bored.”
“It is? Huh? I didn’t know that. That’s really fascinating.”
“Are you stalking me?”
“What?”
“Mouth sounds,” I say, which is referring to something Lex and I always talk about, the idea that when we talk we barely even exchange information, we have nothing new to tell each other, so we just sort of make noises at each other at length, syntax without semantics, old jokes, rehearsed monologues that we have shorthand for, etc., all that varies is how long we go on for. It’s a game where we both pretend to be really bad chatbots, or two strangers utterly blundering their first conversation. Anything to fill the silence. I guess that makes it sound desperate, or clingy, it’s not really. It’s the opposite. It’s the most comfortable you can be with someone, to know that you can say any words in any order and nothing you say will make them like you less.
Lex says, “That was fast,” which is true, usually we do the-thing-which-maybe-resembles-banter-if-neither-of-you-are-paying-attention for much longer before one of us expresses that we think it’s time we talked About something. And in fairness, from Lex’s point of view, this could even be a bit in and of itself; I have in the past just said ‘mouth sounds’ to them apropos of nothing, after enough days of silence for there to be nothing I could plausibly be replying to. The repetitiveness and lameness of our bits are part of the bit, and the fact that’s really not enough to justify the badness is also part of the bit, and so on ad infinitum until we think we’re the funniest people alive, which we are, empirically. “Is it bad?” Lex asks.
I think. “Yeah.”
“You’re not bored of me, are you?” Lex asks.
“No,” I say.
“How long have you felt like this?”
“Since just now,” I say.
I wait, and they say, “Maybe you should just wait a little bit, see if it goes away.”
Read the rest of the story here:
A wave rolled in, and when it receded, it left behind a shell, an iridescent (CALCIUM, CARBON) spiral with a hairline fracture winding all t
In 2017, Linkin Park frontman Chester Bennington killed himself. Instantly, unfairly, the meaning of his music changed.
Because, let's face it, by 2017 Linkin Park was pretty lame. It had been for years, even if momentum and attempts at musical reinvention kept its members from going hungry. Like Evanescence's Bring Me to Life (Wake me up inside CAN'T WAKE UP), many of Linkin Park's songs had become the punchline to jokes about edgy, empty teenage angst. Perhaps no example is more iconic than the chorus to Crawling, the fifth track on the band's 2000 debut album Hybrid Theory:
CRAAAAAAWLING in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
And in many regards, the reputation was not undeserved. Linkin Park, in fact the entire "nu metal" genre it was the foremost example of, was not only dated (spiky hair, white guys rapping), it had always sort of been an industry plant.
Everything was an industry plant in the late 90s and early 00s, the high water mark of big studio monopolization on mainstream culture prior to the shakeup caused by mass adoption of the internet. Labels controlled both the radio stations and the falsely countercultural (actually Warner-owned) MTV; if you were an indie or underground musician, you were consigned to local bar gigs and hawking burned CDs on street corners. In some ways, Linkin Park is as much a rags-to-riches story as you can get within this framework (the core of the band were high school friends who only got a shot after one of them interned for an established music producer at UCLA, and even then they were turned down by label after label), but they also sound more "industry" than many similar nu metal bands. Hybrid Theory is a remarkably "clean" album. Clean not only in its professional production and clearly-enunciated and comprehensible lyrics, but also in the sense that across its 38-minute runtime there is never uttered a single swear word, not even one as mild as "damn" or "hell."
That cleanness contrasts sharply with the aggressive tone of the music, which contributes to the feel that the music is "fake." Of course, even Linkin Park's cruder contemporaries were being rigorously focus-tested and psyopped on MTV via fake "people's choice" votes, but the cleanness may explain why Linkin Park reached higher highs than the rest of the nu metal scene and why they still get played today. It's metal, rap, rock filtered by "pop," as in popular.
The implication of being an industry plant is that you're not real. Everything you say was designed in a lab, your emotions are not your own. Hence why Linkin Park's angsty choruses became a joke; hence why Chester Bennington's suicide "changed" the music's meaning.
Because now, he was real. When he sang "Crawling in my skin," that was a legitimate expression of actual mental turmoil, not some industry attempt to cash in on youth counterculture.
One day after Bennington's death, The Guardian eulogized him by saying:
Metal's standard vocal style is to express anger and disaffection through a deliberately obscure roar, mangling diction as a way of setting yourself apart from conventional society. Bennington's decision to sing clearly and openly was, therefore, more radical than he is given credit for, and indeed more socially valuable.
The decision to sing clearly and openly was, of course, motivated by the studio's desire for the band to be more pop-friendly, and clear vocals make for a catchier song. (Eminem's mainstream popularity in the rap scene around the same time is almost certainly a byproduct of his clear, white American enunciation compared to most of his contemporaries.) After all, Bennington was only brought onto the band at the behest of executive producer Jeff Blue, even against the wishes of the band itself, who worried a guy named "Chester Bennington" might be too uncool for them.
In fact, it's unclear how much "Bennington's decision to sing clearly and openly" was Bennington's decision; even ignoring studio meddling (of which there was much), the band's main creative driver and lyricist was not Bennington but Mike Shinoda, the secondary vocalist/rapper.
Guy on right (Mike Shinoda) thought guy on left (Chester Bennington) might not be cool enough.
Shinoda's credits on Hybrid Theory are extensive; he is listed as contributing rap vocals, programming, samples, piano, Pro Tools assistance, drawing the album art, and other line art and sketches. Bennington, meanwhile, is credited only for vocals. Shinoda led the band before Bennington was even part of it, and has continued to lead it after Bennington's death. If it is possible to ascribe Linkin Park's creative vision to any one person, it would be him.
The point is that the creative vision, the authorial intent, does not matter that much; it is already entangled inextricably with studio mandates and behind-the-scenes collaboration anyway. It doesn't matter if Shinoda or some industry ghost was the one who wrote the line "One step closer to the edge, and I'm about to BREAK." In singing it, Chester Bennington becomes part of the line's performance; and his death thus cannot help from being part of its context, regardless of anyone's intent on the matter.
Is this unfair? Yes.
But at the same time, the way people have understood Linkin Park's music, or any music, or anything, has always been unfair, always been marked by cultural forces outside the creator's control. The interpretation of Linkin Park as a hollow, empty industry plant is itself unfair, reliant on assumptions about what went down behind closed doors, what was done as studio mandate and what was done at the band's liberty. Bennington left no note before killing himself; his motives remain a mystery, beyond the fact that he struggled with mental health and substance abuse issues his entire life. Seventeen years is a long time between Hybrid Theory and his death. What connection, if any, there might actually be between them is impossible to gauge. Yet now, to accuse Bennington's screamed, emotional lyrics of being inauthentic, empty, and melodramatic, the way they were accused innumerable times before, would seem to fly in the face of the evidence.
Here's another question: If Chester Bennington's anguished vocals are no longer "fake," is Mike Shinoda and his rapping still fake? Would Shinoda need to kill himself too to be taken seriously? Would he be taken seriously if he did?
Hello Chester. I want to play a game.
And, perhaps most important of all: Why does art need to be "real" at all?
Hybrid Theory, which is identical in 2026 to the Hybrid Theory of 2000, is--if taken seriously--a bizarre, absurdist album. I mean absurdist in the sense of absurdist theater, Waiting for Godot or Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead; like those stripped down, minimalist plays, Hybrid Theory has an almost negligible dramatis personae. Across 12 tracks and 38 minutes, these are the only people who are mentioned or even alluded to in the album's lyrics:
Me
You
Mr. Hahn
There are no parents, brothers, sisters, lovers, friends, family. There are no teachers, policemen, or authority figures of any sort (despite the track titled "Points of Authority"). There are no guys down the street or women in the window. There are not even any metaphorical people, or people evoked for rhetorical effect, other than Mike Shinoda (but not Chester Bennington) occasionally using a general, vague "they" or "everybody" in reference to a universal other. Hybrid Theory is a ghost town, a desolate landscape, and it is in this unpopulated terrain the primary conflict of its narrative plays out: the one-sided war between Me and You.
Me is our main character, represented by the speaker. There are, technically, two Mes, corresponding to Linkin Park's two vocalists, Bennington and Shinoda, who both refer to themselves in first person. It is unclear, however, whether Bennington and Shinoda actually represent two different points of view or are merely two different styles depicting the same perspective; their voices often blend together or echo one another, while there is little difference in the subject matter they cover. They are, at best, akin to Godot's Vladimir and Estragon, two characters who have a certain superficial distinction (one the Laurel to the other's Hardy) despite every other aspect of their personality being indistinguishable.
Similarly, there could potentially be multiple Yous, perhaps a different You per song, but even this is difficult to judge. The ubiquitous You who seems to be the root of all Me's troubles has surprisingly consistent character traits: Overbearing, demanding, sadistically pleased by the torture they inflict on Me, disappointed by Me's constant failures. Even as a kid, listening to Linkin Park's hits on the radio, I was intrigued by the nebulous identity of the "You" that constantly appears. They are difficult to pin down as the speaker's lover, parent, friend, or mentor, chimerically embodying aspects from all four simultaneously. Notably, "You" is not the 2nd-person listener; one of the few things made clear is that Me has a close personal relationship with them.
The cynical read is that this vagueness increases pop appeal. Venting specific complaints might play well in a niche that has those exact complaints; a general anger at a "You" who can be anyone plays well with everyone.
Seen with "love," though--or seen while assuming the art is "real" and not "fake"--the story changes. Hybrid Theory is an album of isolation as much as it is about anger and angst; for as much as Me hates You, they are tied together, incapable of separating. The third track, With You, makes the point clear:
The sound of your voice, painted on my memories
Even if you're not with me
I'm with you (You, now I see, keepin' everything inside)
With you (You, now I see, even when I close my eyes)
Meanwhile, the seventh track, titled By Myself in direct response to With You, makes the argument that Me cannot possibly exist alone:
I just end up gettin' hurt again
By myself (Myself)
I ask why, but in my mind I find
I can't rely on myself (Myself)
These ideas are repeated again and again throughout an album that seems to have only one tone and two characters, where the same words and phrases keep recurring. For instance, "Keepin' everything inside" from With You's chorus reappears in the chorus of In the End (Track 8), when Mike Shinoda raps:
I kept everything inside
And even though I tried, it all fell apart
Meanwhile, what's "inside" is made clear in the album's opening track, Papercut.
I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face that watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)
As the first song on the album, Papercut sets the tone for the album as a whole. In terms of the album's sound, it does so effectively, featuring the same quick, aggressive instrumentation that can be found on every other track (save one). Lyrically, however, it's an odd opener. Its subject matter deals with paranoia rather than angst or anger, and the "You" that is ubiquitous almost everywhere else is relegated to a minor and uncharacteristically sympathetic role, when Mike Shinoda states "You've got a face on the inside too / Your paranoia's probably worse."
Papercut is one of three songs on the album (not counting the short nonlyrical interlude track) that lack a confrontation with "You." One of the others is Crawling, the much-mocked anthem for self-loathing with a chorus that evokes self harm. Papercut and Crawling contain another repeated motif, notable because it appears in the chorus in both songs (on top of both songs being singles that received major airtime at the same time). In Papercut:
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin
Which in Crawling famously reappears as CRAAAAAAWLING in my skin.
As with everything else, the cynic might chalk these repeated ideas up to a lyrical lack of creativity, the ad nauseum repetition of stock imagery intended to press the right angst buttons. Yet the effect of the repetition, when considered seriously, creates an alternative narrative for the entire album, one that reframes the nebulous "You" into an identifiable culprit.
You is Me.
Papercut posits a "face inside," a voice in the back of the head, one that "laughs every time I fall," one that "points out all my mistakes to me." This behavior is identical to that of "You" in other songs, that mocking, sadistic You that Me is at constant war with. From In the End:
In spite of the way you were mockin' me
Actin' like I was part of your property
Meanwhile, in Crawling, where the "something inside me" returns, it is described as both "consuming" and "controlling," which likewise correlates to the language of ownership and domination that appears in In the End and elsewhere. From Points of Authority:
You love the way I look at you
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through
You take away if I give in
My life, my pride is broken
And if it seems odd that "Me" can look at "You," as posited in the first line above, Crawling also provides an explanation:
Against my will, I stand beside my own reflection (My own reflection)
It's haunting (It's haunting) how I can't seem
To find myself again, my walls are closing in
Nowhere is the connection between "Me" and "You" more clear than in the solutions the speaker posits to free themselves from their situation. In Points of Authority, he says he "hurt myself again, just to get back at you," while in Runaway, the literal idea of running away is directly tied to escaping one's own head with the closing refrain "I wanna run away and open up my mind."
Only the album's ending points to any hope. In a world that has claustrophobically constricted to a singular Me-You hybrid (the hybrid in Hybrid Theory), the penultimate track, Scratching the Itch, introduces its sole other character, Mr. Hahn. This is the band's turntablist, Joe Hahn, who gets a short interlude to show off his record scratches. As though this opening of the closed circle has changed everything by injecting some external presence into a suffocating internality, the final track Pushing Me Away states somewhat triumphantly that "this is the last," that Me has finally been pushed away from You. He's free!
I'm being cute with it here, reading a literal narrative into lyrics that are at best metaphorical, creating a structure in an album that is, sonically, a barrage of similar-sounding bangers. The album's vagueness--regardless of whether you ascribe that vagueness to cynical pop styling or earnest artistic intent--lends itself to nearly limitless interpretation. For instance, the album's title, Hybrid Theory, might refer to Linkin Park's signature blend of styles (rap-rock, metal-pop), its blend of vocalists into a single speaker (Bennington-Shinoda), or a blend of Me and You. Rather than every instance of You being a reference to "the voice inside my head," there could be both a literal You who actually abuses the speaker, and a figurative You that the speaker has, after such abuse, internalized.
However, I do think my previous comparison of Hybrid Theory to Waiting for Godot sheds light on the album's popularity. Because while Waiting for Godot is bleakly minimalist in its staging and production, featuring only a lone tree on an empty stage to accompany its tiny number of actors, Hybrid Theory balances its unrelentingly miserable lyrics and the depopulated world they depict with an expansive, maximalist sound. Sporting dual vocalists and a hip-hop mandated turntablist, Linkin Park is a larger-than-average band at six members, and this expansiveness is further complemented by generous sampling and lavish production. The result is an album that, regardless of its lyrical content, hypes instead of depresses. The album's biggest highlight isn't any allusion to self harm, or torture at the hands of a toxic You, but Chester Bennington's sudden screaming in the bridge of One Step Closer:
SHUT UP WHEN I'M TALKING TO YOU
SHUT UP
SHUT UP
SHUT UPPPPPPPP
I've written many essays about pop cultural artifacts nobody except me would bother to take seriously (i.e., anime). At the advent of mass media, pop culture started to usurp high culture as the dominant form of art; the internet has accelerated this trend. Even the wealthy and powerful of today are more likely to be influenced by One Piece or Fortnite than by whatever won the Pulitzer last year. And as part of this hunger for the ascension of pop culture to art, YouTube's video essayist mill has found the time to wax poetic on any bit of cultural detritus for eight hours or more, to millions of views. Yet I still find that people are bound to the concept of "artistic intent" as the primary driver of how they interface with art. People seem to find the concept appealing because it promises a solvable riddle, an objective answer (what was in the author's mind) that cannot be found definitely but could theoretically be found. Which, when applied to pop culture, becomes a question that cannot be disentangled from the obvious answer: "They did it to make money." Creating a self-defeating loop, a shutdown of the brain, a perpetual cynicism even in the theater of the ideal that is art.
All art is fake. If it was real, it wouldn't be art. Maybe you could call it news. But art is by definition artifice, regardless of whether it was made cynically for money or for the most earnest artistic intentions. Most art -- pop or not -- was probably made by some unknowable, fundamentally subjective mixture of both. A Hybrid Theory, perhaps. The image of the artist, their biographical reality, has somehow become as important to how much their illusion can be believed as the illusion they actually create.
Chester Bennington was fake until he killed himself. Dead, he became real. Though he left no note, though his "artistic intent" could not be known, the act of suicide is a tantalizing hint that seems as though it can be interpreted some specific way. But the logic is false; his death does not change what "intention" was locked in his mindbox 17 years prior, nor what creative influence he brought to Hybrid Theory versus that brought by Mike Shinoda or the studio suits. All that remains is the reality of the art, which was as real in 2000 as it is in 2026: an album of 12 songs that sounded the same then as they do now, and will sound the same as long as people keep listening to them.
I actually had the experience of listening to Linkin Park's discography for the first time last year. Obviously I'd heard a lot of the meme songs before, but most of it was new for me. In spite of knowing the background context of Chester Bennington's suicide, I found very little meaning in any of the songs.
And not for lack of trying! The whole reason I was engaging with the music was because I was putting together the soundtrack for the Transformers fanfiction I'd finished, and I wanted a Linkin Park song in the vein of "What I've Done" or "New Divide". I didn't really care about the instrumentation, I just wanted one with lyrics that thematically related to the story. So I was paying attention to the words above all, and I found that the songs didn't really reward that level of engagement.
The idea of the "me/you" hybrid from this album is cute, but is definitely much closer to a THE HIDDEN MEANING IN LINKIN PARK??? crack theory than something substantiated by the music. It's not to say that the songs are completely commercial, void of any artistic intent, that's completely wrongheaded for the reasons stated in the essay. Rather, it's my experience from seeing singers talk about their process that they usually are just thinking about a specific ex/boss/parent/partner/rival/listener, who gets cast as "you", while "me" is usually just the singer's own, unfiltered perspective. (You sometimes get songwriters who cast "me" as a specific character, who seems to vary from song to song in the same way that "you" does, and those tend to be the kinds of artists I'm more interested in from a lyrical perspective.)
Insofar as Linkin Park ever seems to have a deeper meaning, it's in their use of abstract simile, metaphor, and cliché: "a whirlwind inside my head", "the sun goes down", "the face [...] beneath my skin", "closer to the edge", "cold of the static", "forfeit the game", "these wounds", "walls are closing in", "catch them red-handed", "stretched so thin", "questions like a cancer", "the pendulum swings", "place so dark you can't see the end", "dripping acidic questions".
In "Runaway", these metaphors are rendered almost concrete: "graffiti decorations", "a sky of dust", "paper bags"; actual imagery as opposed to rote allegory or cliché. There's a similar bit in "Forgotten" which describes an urban environment: "pollution", "wheels go round", "street lamps, chain-link and concrete". Most specifically, it mentions a "piece of paper with a picture drawn" blowing through the street, which can obviously be interpreted as evoking this titular idea of a memory "forgotten", sapped of meaning, left to rot. Except the song just states this in plain terms! "The memory now is like the picture was then / When the paper's crumpled up, it can't be perfect again".
There's a similar example from "A Place For My Head". In a better song, I would actually quite like the opening lines: "I watch how the moon sits in the sky in the dark night / Shining with the light from the sun / And the sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming / The moon's gonna owe it one". It's another vanishingly rare example of specific imagery that invites interpretation. Except, once again, the same verse continues, "It makes me think of how you act to me / You do favors, then [...] start askin' me / About things that you want back from me". Any subtlety or ambiguity in the sun/moon lyric is destroyed in practically the same breath. It's simply a complaint about a relationship that's too transactional. There is no meaning in this album which is not plainly stated in unambiguous terms, or given in interview. For example, from Bennington:
"When we were recording ["One Step Closer"], [producer] Don Gilmore was really drilling me and Mike [Shinoda] about lyrics, and it had gotten to the point where we had rewritten some songs 30 times! I remember walking into the control room, handing Don the lyrics and he grabbed them, passed them in front of his face without even looking, handed them back to me, and told me to do it again. I lost my fucking mind, thinking, ‘This guy’s a fucking maniac!’ But that kind of inspired the lyrics – ‘I cannot take this anymore/I’m saying everything I’ve said before/ All these words make no sense,’ and the chorus, ‘Everything you say to me takes me one step closer to the edge.’ – it all came from that frustration. So I guess in the end he inspired me the way he wanted to."
So while recontextualising Linkin Park's music via the lens of what Chester Bennington did 17 years later obviously represents a failure of auteur theory, I think it's more accurate to say that it's a misapplication of auteur theory, strained by time and ignorant of how the music was actually being made. The meaning of those lines in "One Step Closer" is completely demystified through auteur theory, if one guesses at the effect of the studio environment, and that interpretation is confirmed by the soundbite. An analytical lens which views the music in a vacuum would maybe miss the metatextual meaning of those lines.
For me, the answer isn't that the lyrics are purely commercial, nor that they disguise a greater message: it's just that ultimately, someone wrote them, and was probably drawing on how they really felt about something, and then someone else got them to rewrite them, and that happened over and over, and then the album was finished.
Incidentally, this tension between the lens of auteur theory, the lens of commercial art, and audience interpretation characterises a lot of the feverish discourse surrounding Michael Bay's Transformers movies. There, the same fallacy occurs of ascribing all the intent to Bay himself—pretending screenwriters and producers don't exist—or of writing off the idea of any artistic intent being involved whatsoever, or of viewing the films as some sort of coded-message cipher for a rich polemic.
I’m a longstanding Ghibli skeptic. Probably it’s the contrarian in me: I see the anime studio with the most prestige in the Anglosphere, in a whole league of its own, and I think, probably everyone is just very distracted by all the pretty drawings? Over the years I have seen Ponyo, Castle in the Sky, The Wind Rises, and Kiki’s Delivery Service (the latter on the television behind me on a slow New Year’s Day at my old job). I was not big on them.
Spirited Away is the biggest Ghibli film, and I sort of did not think of it as necessary viewing. I know it for being a big fat magnet for Cartoon Cold Takes: “anyone else remember SPIRITED AWAY?”, “SPIRITED AWAY gave me nightmares!”, “were they on drugs when they made SPIRITED AWAY”?
Well, this year will mark the 25th anniversary of the film's release—that's 25 years I managed to go without watching it! Figured it was finally time for me to find out if there was anything more to it than "Wow it sure is crazy those guys got turned into pigs!"
Over the last couple of years, I wrote three disconnected stories intended to draw a line under my relationship with Transformers.
The first of these was Till All Will Be One, a no-holds-barred balls-to-the-walls deep-in-the-paint crossover fanfiction attempting to encapsulate 40 years of Transformers lore in a single story. I’m not able to talk about that one that much just yet, because its release venue, Ask Vector Prime, is still ongoing.
The second story was Toy Review: Kingdom Rattrap, an autobiographical short story intended to cover Transformers from a real-world perspective—the ways in which Transformers fandom and collecting make me feel strange and alien. Due to the personal nature of the piece, I only shared it in print form, so again, I haven’t been able to talk about it much.
The third story, End of the Earth, was my attempt to capture and communicate what the hell compels me about Transformers at all, on a storytelling level. It’s my pitch for what a Transformers film should feel like, in my opinion, the sorts of themes it should be concerned with. I wanted it to be tightly-written and above all accessible, assuming no prior knowledge. It was the first time in literally years that I’d finished a piece of writing I’d be happy showing to basically anyone.
In fact, it had been fully four years since I last released a prose story: the pilot chapter for Mobius Motorway, which I’d intended to follow with a set of three short stories; I wrote one and never published it. That feels like the last time I got to sit down and write a commentary. Revolutionary and nothing but humans on earth were five years ago.
But I’ve been busy! I’ve gotten better! So now it’s time!
The spotlights rush around an icy stage! All the characters dance and pirouette on their skates! Optimus Prime is doing donuts! Have you fastened your seatbelt? Commentaries are BACK!
You can read it here!
If you're interested in How The Sausage Gets Made, this commentary represents an exhaustive effort to explain how I wrote this novella—what influenced it, what problems I ran into, and what I was trying to say. Generally I think that from a reader perspective, good art speaks for itself, but from a writer's perspective, I find it really helpful when other writers attempt to demystify their process, so this is me doing that. There's some interesting stuff in there that I've been dying to share. I'd love to hear your thoughts on how your interpretation of the story may have differed from what I was consciously putting into it.
31 years ago, Corey Dubrasy's truck fell through the ice...
behind-the-scenes on my TRANSFORMERS × ICE ROAD TRUCKERS crossover novella
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Who would you say is the greatest musician in history? C’mon, I know you’ve already thought of names. Mozart. Beethoven. Frank Sinatra. Elvis Presley. Freddie Mercury. Taylor Swift. Penelope Telephone. All pretty famous! Let’s say, for the sake of argument, you thought of a hundred artists like that. The greatest musician of all time has got to be one of them, right?
BZZT! Wrong!
I found him. The best musician ever. I found him in a bar, under a bridge, in Edinburgh, on the 22nd of December, 2022. It was a packed night, that night. At the very back, a space was cleared, and a circle of musicians sat around a table shaped like a ship’s wheel. The room swayed, and murmured, and clapped politely. The man before me ordered a lime soda, and I had the same. The condensation obscured the contents of the glass. I glanced around the room, and a boy in one of the booths made eye contact with me. He moved over, patting the space he created, so I sat next to him.
They took turns. Two songs each, then on to the next. I won’t waste your time with the first guy, or the French lass that sang after him, or the lass after that. I remember their performances intimately, and they were nothing special, nothing at all.
But then he took the guitar.
There was nothing humble about him, this man, as his turn began. He’d been awaiting it patiently, and when the time came, he made no apologies, no introductions. The singer leading the circle addressed him as Paul, the famous Paul—surname Trevor, I later learned—but he said nothing, just tuned the guitar by ear, strummed it once, and began to play. He played four songs that evening.
In deference to the season, Paul first sang “Halsway Carol”. You’d be fooled for thinking it a traditional piece—I was—but in fact it had been composed only a scant decade prior, by a man named Nigel Eaton. Nigel Eaton was not the greatest musician of all time though; Paul was. He sang with a smoker’s voice, at the quarter-full glass of stout on the table. He had this huge beard, like Father Christmas, and he sang like Father Christmas himself might sing, having seen every good deed ever done by humanity. At the very first note, I sat up.
Sing for the coming of the longest night
As the first verse ended, the door banged to permit another latecomer, a gust of winter air biting their heels. As though this incantation had summoned them. The brief intrusion of ambient voices and vehicles from outside made for a vulgar accompaniment, but Paul ignored it, and I was soon entranced once more.
A summer’s light
never shone as clear or as bright
So dance in the shadows of a winter’s night
That was it, wasn’t it? The hot, solar glow of the wall of sound on any studio recording, of the best seat in the biggest concert arena, could never compete with this, the reflection, the echo, moonlight. Through Paul, his pockmarked and cratered face, this composition—nothing special—was transmuted into the altogether sublime.
The second song was older, much older. It was popularised by Shirley Collins in 1964, but the version Paul knew was different and better.
If all you young men were hares on the mountain
How many young girls would take guns and go hunting?
It continues in that vein, a series of wildlife metaphors, increasingly lewd. It’s a role-reversal: what if women were the suitors, and men the objects of their desire? Wouldn’t it be the height of foolishness, to go traipsing off into the hills, after some guy? Paul’s fingers caressed the strings like waterfalls, untameable, and yet not a single note was out of place. He was a heartbroken teenage girl in the body of an aging alcoholic. Nothing could break the spell. I really believe that he could’ve turned everyone in that room into rabbits, if he’d wanted to.
“He’s fantastic,” I couldn’t help but remark to the boy next to me, as the applause was dying.
Sitting opposite, his girlfriend nodded in agreement. “Aye!”
“And such a lovely song, too. See, that’s what being young is all about: doing stupid things for love.” I looked between them, sitting across the table, when they so clearly wanted to be in each others’ arms, and gave them a knowing smile. “I’d make the most of it if I were you!”
She just laughed. “You mean like the song? I don’t think it’s got much to do with love, pal.” Before she could elaborate, the next singer began, but I was hardly listening.
To think that the greatest musician of all time was right here in Edinburgh, all along, and it was like nobody knew it. I myself had only stumbled across him by pure chance! I was enthralled. When his turn came around again, Paul’s third song was even better, the best of the four he sang that night.
I returned to the bar a week later, hoping to hear Paul play again, but he wasn’t there that week. Nor the week after. He was found, dead, washed up on Silverknowes Beach.
𝄇
The second thing you should know about me is that I’m a time traveller.
ENCORE is my new short story. You can read the rest of it at the following link:
Who would you say is the greatest musician in history?
I think PLUR1BUS has a certain sense of “what would YOU do” in common with a lot of popular media. What if YOU went to Hogwarts? What if YOU were in Squid Game? What if YOU were on Oceanic Flight 815 and crash-landed with a bunch of strangers on a messed up island? What if YOU got hit by a truck and reincarnated in a fantasy world where everyone wants to bang you? Post-apocalyptic media basically thrives off self-insert escapism, and PLUR1BUS, I think, is no exception. Much of the show is built around Carol specifically, and her foibles, and this does lead to a lot of moments where a reasonable viewer is like, “okay, I would NOT do that”. Carol choosing to sleep with Zosia is an expression of her as a flawed human being. We, the enlightened viewers, can ask ourselves if there’s any scenario where it is okay to have sex with the Pluribus.
You can find out about this, and much more, right now by reading my essays at the link below!
six mini-essays about Pluribus, the new show from the creator of Breaking Bad
I'd hoped that with PLUR1BUS being a flavor-of-the-month, people would be into a big essay on it! Realistically I think I was either too late or too early with it; by the time I posted it, conversations on Discord about PLUR1BUS had already died down, and several friends reported not having seen the show yet. Furthermore, the fact that the post was largely off-the-cuff (albeit refining ideas from an earlier tumblr post of mine) meant that it's very much rough around the edges. Bavitz offered the most salient feedback on this front: "I feel it sometimes gets mired in somewhat wishy washy conclusions about whether you liked something or not, as opposed to fully teasing out the meaning of those things".
This is definitely a common structural problem in my work! I think I do have it in me to write a good ending, I just usually don't. What tends to happen is that I will come out of the gate with a big thesis, I will follow it with a successively-more-myopic-and-less-convincing chain of justifications for that thesis, and then at the end I go, "welp, that's all I got! Hope you're convinced now." In this issue, the effect is particularly pronounced, because the multi-essay structural gimmick means you see it happen six times in quick succession. Whoops?
For the tumblr post, I decided to lead with an extract from the essay, to try and... stealth it a bit, I guess? Didn't really make a difference, but will probably be my default approach going forward. The smarmy tone of my title for this essay made me chicken out from posting it to the Pluribus subreddit, which seemed like the only other place that would give a shit about it. They have some sort of insane spoiler policy and it just seemed like bad vibes.
Annoyingly, Substack also appears to have automatically (?) flagged the post as 18+ Content. I can only assume this is because of the section where I use the word "sex" a lot. It did not remotely occur to me that I would need to worry about anything like that, and it's particularly annoying that Substack didn't inform me this happened. I've submitted an appeal, so that's a big waste of time, epic. Sorry if you ran into that.
Anyway—excuses, excuses! I just need to write better next time.
This week, uhhhhh, my first short story and my first short story in the same room! With any luck. Still have some edits to do on it, and the last couple of weeks have been frustratingly busy.
I think PLUR1BUS has a certain sense of “what would YOU do” in common with a lot of popular media. What if YOU went to Hogwarts? What if YOU were in Squid Game? What if YOU were on Oceanic Flight 815 and crash-landed with a bunch of strangers on a messed up island? What if YOU got hit by a truck and reincarnated in a fantasy world where everyone wants to bang you? Post-apocalyptic media basically thrives off self-insert escapism, and PLUR1BUS, I think, is no exception. Much of the show is built around Carol specifically, and her foibles, and this does lead to a lot of moments where a reasonable viewer is like, “okay, I would NOT do that”. Carol choosing to sleep with Zosia is an expression of her as a flawed human being. We, the enlightened viewers, can ask ourselves if there’s any scenario where it is okay to have sex with the Pluribus.
You can find out about this, and much more, right now by reading my essays at the link below!
six mini-essays about Pluribus, the new show from the creator of Breaking Bad
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
✓ Live Streaming✓ Interactive Chat✓ Private Shows✓ HD Quality✓ Free Actions
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So, this was my first post on the new blog/newsletter! I'd originally intended to launch with three posts: a short story, the End of the Earth commentary, and an essay. The Fateball post was going to be a throwaway article for later on. However, literally as I was writing the final exchange with Fateball, I had the idea to homage the Times Square Ball Drop panels from Homestuck, and decided to thus launch with Fateball instead.
Pitchposting has been a reasonably successful format for me in the past, certainly relative to time investment, so I hope to do more. Ideas don't come so cheaply to me these days, as I'm a lot less depressed than I used to be, so we'll see.
I tried to share this one to r/MarvelComics to see if anyone would bite; my post there got just 11 upvotes, 2 comments, and 4 referrals, which pretty much tracks with my experience of Reddit being a total waste of time. Nevertheless, I have a lot of time on my hands right now, so I'll probably make the attempt whenever I can.
On Discord, people honestly seemed to have liked this one more than I was expecting! There is a stretch just before the twist where I am very obviously spinning my wheels to hold off the twist for as long as possible, which I do think brings the article down (this was Lizzie's main point of feedback too), and I thought people would find the twist itself to be overly annoying and derivative. Instead, I mostly got people offering their thoughts and ideas on the concept itself, or pointing out aspects that have been covered by existing media, which are exactly the kind of comments I find interesting.
The paid subscriber has extremely generously bought a whole year, which I guess means I'm now contractually obligated to pump out 52 posts in 2026??? Good news for you plebs?
I haven't yet decided exactly which piece to share with you next week. Probably one of my unpublished short stories? I figure that'll provide a solid basis for me to get friends and family to subscribe to the newsletter too, where these more media-specific articles won't. My current plan is that every month is going to have one short story, a commentary on that story the following week, an essay/review, and a miscellaneous post on a niche topic (or a "skip week" if I've been working on something off-site).