Thoughts: life lessons aka not liking my major enough is sucking the life out of me
What matters the most in choosing your career, your major, or what have you, is how much you like it. How much you wants it, how much it inspires you. The passion. You see, you have a light, a flame, inside you. Everyone does. Your inner drive, your power. Hopefully, you use it for good.Â
You gotta figure out what fuels that flame. What makes it burn brighter, and what makes it dimmer. Our careers, (if you prefer to call it “specialties” cause a “career” is a very limited and narrow concept), take a lot from us. Our jobs take up most of our time. Of course, there’s the old saying “do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life”. It’s true, but often it’s impossible. That has been replaced with a more accurate saying, “ do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life, because that field probably isn’t hiring”. I realize that not everyone has the luxury to pursue their dream, that people have families to feed, and what I’m saying is not directed towards those people, not entirely. They too, have that flame, and they need to fuel it in ways they can, but I’ve never been in that position, I don’t know what that’s like, and I can’t speak for them.
Right now, I’m speaking toward the college kids. Those of us who had a choice and made it. Really, to myself.Â
IT FUCKING MATTERS. It matters more than anything: whether or not your chosen career/job/major/specialty fuels that flame. You have to love it. It has to fuel that flame. Or, in the very least, your lifestyle has to not actively snuff it out. It should allow it to burn naturally.Â
A flame needs two things to burn: Fuel and oxygen. Even if you have fuel, you need the breathing space, the opportunity, for that flame to burn. Your flame can be surrounded by fuel, but without oxygen, it will not burn.Â
Ok, enough analogies. What I’m saying, sometimes you don’t know yet what your passion is. You gotta try a few things to figure it out. That’s ok. But once you know, once your figured it out, you have no excuse. Then, you have to go for it. If you KNOW you subject X, but you major in Y instead because of your parents, salary prospects, hiring statistics, etc, you are making a HUGE mistake. All those factors (salary, employment) aren’t worth a damn if studying subject X snuffs out your flame.Â
I know what you’re thinking. I’ll major in X, make decent money, and do Y as a hobby on the side. But if doing X, and the lifestyle that comes with it, does not allow that breathing space, that oxygen, to come in and keep the flame alive, you won’t have the energy to do Y. In order for the hobby passion scheme to work, your major career has to be something very flexible and permissible. Which, we will know from observing our parents and other middle aged adults, is not the case. It’s almost never the case.
 The lifestyle you force yourself to live is stronger than you are.Â
You may think you will be the exception. the one that breaks the system. The one whose flame will burn despite being immersed in something they hate. But most likely, it will eventually overpower you. It might be ok for a while, but your flame will eventually begin to get dimmer. And dimmer. And if it even goes out, it’s oh so hard to get it back.Â
I decided to be a science major. A double one at that. I found biology interesting, I got straight A in it in school, and although it didn't inspire me the way art did, I thought I tolerated it enough to spend 4 years studying it. Then I racked in the chemistry. I like chemistry even less, but I thought it wouldn't hurt. I figured I can do art on the side. Well, I had no idea what it was going to be like. At the time, when I entered college, that was the most reasonable decision. Hindsight is 20/20, so I'm not saying I made a bad decision at the time. But my reading was flawed. I assumed I was gonna be ok doing something I merely tolerated for 4 years. A lot of people do it and they get through college. Freshman year I went into a depression. I told myself it was just the 17 credits I took. That everything would be perfect as soon as I lightened my course load. I failed to see that what was really happening was that science did not fuel my flame, and took away the oxygen too. It all for worse from there. Each semester got a little harder to bear. Now, a year and a few months away from graduation I look back and think "I've made a terrible mistake". But it is too late. I don't know how I'm gonna keep the flame burning for that long while I double major in science. The next time you chose a major that you don't truly have a passion for and think "ill just plug my way through it for 4 years and no one will notice that I don't like it", think again. In a year or two you will hate it and resent it for killing your inner light. No matter how good you are at something to start with, if you don't like it, prove will notice. You will fall behind, because while you're fantasizing about getting on a train and never coming back, they are studying and working. It's like a marriage. Does getting married to someone you don't love because it's convenient sound like a good idea? Oh, it's ok, it's just a marriage. I'll grit my teeth and bear it while distracting myself with other things. It's not like people don't do it. Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? Now apply this to your career. Your inner light is the most valuable thing about you. It's who you are. If you feel something sniffing it out, don't stand there and let it. Get away. Find your fuel, and your oxygen.
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